Things that don’t bother you that seem a big deal to other people

I’m not bothered by:

• Social media posts, likes etc
• Other people’s lifestyle choices, unless they badly affect me
• Mushrooms
• Not hearing from a friend for a while, unless I’m worried about them
• Spiders
• Religion, though I’m an atheist, unless it’s forced on people

I am bothered by:

• Men leaving up the toilet seat/lid
• Nose-picking in my presence
• Cars
• Discrimination
• Labyrinthine phone triage services, that (after pressing 2, 4, 3, 1, 4) bring me to a recorded message with info I should/could get online
• Climate change and all it’s shitty causes

I agree with most of it. Except the fuss on adult birthdays.

But! That's only from my DH. I expect him to make a fuss of me. Because he knows I enjoy my birthday. And it's not about presents or expensive meals out or whatever. Just a lie in (these things don't happen often for either of us), make me a coffee, either cook my favourite thing / what I really fancy (last one he made his legendary home made double stacked burgers and they were amazing and hit a proper spot), get me a cake, make sure DD has written (drawn in) a card.

You know, remind me I'm special. He's pretty good at making sure everything doesn't fall to me, but it's a good excuse for him to remember he's lucky (joking!!).

Party bags for kids (don't bother no one needs and a waste of resources)
Making home made cakes for kids birthdays (just buy one unless you love making cakes)
Big fuss on adult birthdays (who cares, really?)

I see a birthday theme here 😂

Posh/expensive buggies or any kids stuff - the kids don't care. Who are you trying to impress?

Totally agree on the wedding anniversaries!

I am, however, fussed about birthdays in the opposite way from many MN-ers. I can't BEAR to have my birthday acknowledged, and find it very hurtful and disrespectful if people disregard my wishes on the matter. To me, a birthday isn't about celebrating a person's existence, but about making a big deal of the fact that they're officially a year older.

That’s bizarre! Of course it’s not rude.

Mobile phones in school. Kids should learn how to use them appropriately.

Mums of small children being on their phone instead of interacting with their kids 24/7. Let them have a break fgs.

Teenagers mucking about and being using their voice inappropriately. You’re only young once and the teenage years are great for pushing boundaries so you know where they are as an adult.

If they know you’re usually home you end up being up and down like a yo-yo some days, though. Quite disruptive if you’re trying to wfh.

There's 57 houses on my street, should I take in parcels for them all because I WFH?

With how often I see our Evri van, I'd not actually get any work done.

Taking in parcels for neighbours.
What's the problem FGS?
We're the local collection point for our entire cul-de-sac as everyone knows we work from home/are on-call 24/7 and there's always someone here.

Wedding Anniversaries. I can't be bothered with my own, let alone anyone else's. I've been married to my DH for a very long time and with him for even longer and my lack of enthusiasm for anniversaries has only grown in that time. Fortunately, it's matched by his. I think a lot of it is about the nature of being married/in a civil partnership. It's a private state, and so are the reasons we got married. It wasn't so that we could celebrate a particular (and very privileged) lifestyle choice. I'll send a card for a landmark anniversary, but otherwise no and I'm more than happy if people don't reciprocate. On the other hand, I don't mind if other people see it differently; it's just that anniversaries don't mean anything to me.

When it comes to birthdays, however, I love them, mine and other people's. Birthdays are about you as an individual and how lucky the world is to have you as part of it. That's definitely something to celebrate. 🎂🍾🎊

Loads to do with babies. I may be remembering wrong as mine are teens now and obviously we all want what’s best for our children but lots of my friends seems so uptight and precious about everything to do with raising children now. I feel like they are terrified of being judged if they don’t do everything Instagram perfectly.

Making packed lunches for my kids. Takes 10 minutes max.

Taking in packages for neighbours. No bother at all.

Getting thank you cards for wedding gifts. Not arsed. Similarly, being asked for cash for a wedding gift. Awesome - much easier for me!

Yeah they're extreme.

Weekends do tend to be "family time" for us cos of work, but that doesn't mean we can't do anything else.

And if I don't wanna spend time with someone else, I just tell DH that (reference to the MIL one).

I do wonder though if when many of those women say "this should be family time" when what they mean is "DH should be here so I'm not the only one parenting for a bit".

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

I can completely relate to that, I love a quiet weekend.

What I meant is those families who regard social contact with inherent suspicion as though wanting to spend time with people other than your spouse and children was a subversive and improper activity.

Tberes a surprising amount of it on here. I remember one thread once where a poster was really affronted about being asked to lunch at her boss’s house, as if it were a gross invasion of privacy.

When someone decides to join a cafe or pub table uninvited and after a short polite chat I say sorry I need to go. I've been told on a few occasions that I can't just leave people on their own-apparently it's rude. It first happened abroad and I thought it might have been a cultural difference but the same thing has been said to me in the UK.

What other people use to protect their feet from broken glass and dog shit. Why get all wound up about someone wearing crocs?

I think you're missing the point.

It's in response to the OPs on MN who complain about their DP or other family members wanting to do something and the OP complaining that 'AIBU to think this should be family time?' so ring-fencing time without anything in particular planned as sacrosanct and nothing else can be suggested.

"DP wants to go on a bike-ride with his friends for a few hours this weekend. AIBU to think this should be family time?"

"DP wants to go out for a drink after work on Friday, after a busy week AIBU to think this should be family time?"

"MIL wants us to come over for Sunday lunch, we're so busy in the week with work and the childrens activities and house chores on Saturday so I say no as Sunday is 'family time' and DP is now annoyed"

We sometimes plan in a weekend that's just for family time. But it's usually because we've gone weeks (or know we're going to go weeks) where one or other of us is working overtime or has plans outside of the family. So we do it to make sure we get it, because we all enjoy it.

But then I suppose we're lucky enough that both DH and I would take a family day at home over most other things, whereas I do have friends whose partners have to be made stay home or have a family day out, or they'd never see their kids.

Do you have kids though? Presumably you’re teaching them/have taught them table manners if so?

Exactly! Makes me feel like a mean mum but mentioned it to Dd at the time and she thought it was mad too. Particularly as our family are sociable introverts so we need quiet time after something intensely social like a school trip!

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

But spending time as a family at home isn't some big controlling awful thing. It can just be nice.

Of course it is if it’s natural but if it’s forced it’s not and if you prevent your spouse and kids from doing anything else at weekends it’s just going to make them want to escape.

A lot of people on here seem to regard being invited to anything social at the weekends as a rude intrusion into “family time” as if it was dangerous. Hanging out with friends and introducing some variety into your social life is going to improve your family life not harm it.

Yes… our book club does the same. We can’t arrange a meetup for example on the last night of school holidays…. Because …. Why????

Gosh yes.

I mentioned something similar earlier.

Basically I will never understand people who complain about other people not spending enough time with them. My dad does this about his siblings like there is some unwritten rule that family have to spend time together.

Other peoples time does not belong to you, and time spent with you is a gift exchanged. I choose who I want to spend my time with. And you can be damn certain that the amount of time I gift you is a reflection on whether I determine you to be a good receiver of my time and vice versa!

It’s funny when you are out of step with people who are normally likeminded.

A friend arranged a night out then most of the other mums declined because it was the day all our kids (about 9/10) got back from a residential. Honestly did not occur to me that was a reason to stay in! Was I expected to gaze in rapture at Dd from the 4pm pick up all evening because she’d been away for 3 days?! The perfectly capable husbands were in all evening. So that clearly bothered them but not me!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · Today 13:21

ZoggyStirdust · Today 13:20
Also, you’re supposed to merge in turn at the point where the lane ends, not miles back, so the people “pushing in” are actually the ones doing it right!
Show quote history
Yep. Zipper merging. If everyone took turns and just slotted in like the teeth of a zip, we'd have less backed up roads where there's a merge or roadworks.

Confession of a dim driver: it was only a couple of years ago that I understood what 'Merge in turn' meant. I was looking for the turn in the road where we were supposed to merge...I think it should say 'Take turns to merge'.

I did always merge properly, alternately, though, like a zip, But it was like a light-bulb going on when i realised what the instruction actually meant...oh dear. Not proud....