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Original poster

Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

994 replies

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:06

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

OP posts:
LandSharksAnonymous · 10/05/2025 06:45

@Never2many I must help rehome around 10 Goldies a year (I’m very involved in my local breed rescue) and almost all are rehomed because of a ‘bite’ on a young child. Usually code for ‘child tormented, poked or otherwise acted inappropriately around the dog and the dog got fed up.’

You’re 100% spot on. It’s awful how many parents fail to parent their children around dogs and then the dog suffers as a result.

Original poster
Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:44

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:43

So because your BIL behaved badly, it’s ok that you did too?

Yanking a babies arm? Getting ‘cross’ by your own admission.

I think you need to reflect on the situation properly. Even your replies scream you were over the top and it’s everybody else fault.

Show quote history

I’m sick of people saying I yanked his arm. I held it to prevent him hitting the dog in the face a second time.

OP posts:
Whiteflowerscreed · 10/05/2025 06:44

It’s not 2yo fault and he shouldn’t have had his arm yanked. Parents should have been watching

MsBette · 10/05/2025 06:43

Starling a sleeping dog could have ended in disaster, no matter the age/breed, the child needs to learn to stay away from the dog if he is sleeping. I’d rather you’d had sharp words with my child than he’s been bitten.

His dad should have been paying attention.

You sound a bit stroppy, are you still hungover?

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:43

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:38

And I was put in that shit situation due to BIL focusing on his magazine rather than his child. I stepped in because I didn’t want nephew to get a second whack in.

I would much rather have carried on sitting on my arse. I got no pleasure from having to tell off my nephew (and that having caused an issue)

Show quote history

So because your BIL behaved badly, it’s ok that you did too?

Yanking a babies arm? Getting ‘cross’ by your own admission.

I think you need to reflect on the situation properly. Even your replies scream you were over the top and it’s everybody else fault.

Original poster
Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:43

historyismything82 · 10/05/2025 06:40

This. You do seem quite angry.

Show quote history

I’ve been characterised as an abuser and having threatened my very young nephew.

Yes, my back is up.

I’’m sure noons on here has lost their cool with their child.

This was not even my child. Their parent who was “on duty” did nothing then moaned about me behind my back.

I ran up to the dog/toddler cause I didn’t want a second whack to happen.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 10/05/2025 06:42

CharnwoodFire · 10/05/2025 06:09

Don't apologise - it's right that you told him off. Children need to be told to be kind to animals

I agree.

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:42

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 06:40

BIL should have been supervising.

You were overly aggressive with a small child.

SIL is not at fault, she wasn't even in the room.

You do need to take some responsibility for supervising your dog while the child is staying with your parents, even though it's not your child. The child is their grandchild and entitled to visit. It's annoying for you, but you're benefitting from living with them.

I have relatives with a dog and a young child and I dislike staying with them as, every time I need to shower, go to the loo or even pop out of the room, I need to work out where the dog is, work out where the child is and specifically ask someone to supervise them closely. I am made to feel annoying and like I'm making a fuss, but I do it to avoid incidents like this. If I were your sister, I would be thinking twice about staying in future, since essentially it means I have to be within arms-reach of my child for the whole visit since you're all a bit useless (including BIL).

The dog was lying on the sofa not moving - how is supervision of the dog an issue here?

Holdonforsummer · 10/05/2025 06:42

I think the more of your responses I read, the more I agree with your sister about not wanting you around her child. You seem determined not to listen to the other point of view and I would be worried about how much more shouting and grabbing you were going to carry out. You should be modelling good behaviour to the 2 year old - sounds like you behaved worse than him - and you should definitely know better.

EleanorReally · 10/05/2025 06:41

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:18

2 is very different from an almost 3 yo.

Show quote history

he is still 2

Snapncrackle · 10/05/2025 06:41

I don’t think you did anything wrong
kid shouldn’t have hit the dog

I would probably make a sarcastic apology that Im sooooo sorry BIL couldn’t be bothered to parent his own kid and leave it at that

your dog is old and was sleeping the kids lucky dear dog didn’t nip him

WaryHiker · 10/05/2025 06:41

Ask your sister why, if her son was treated so brutally, his other parent didn't step in or say a word to cruel auntie?

It sounds as though your response was possibly slightly robust, but I don't really blame you. You were looking after your baby. Your brother-in-law wasn't looking after his.

historyismything82 · 10/05/2025 06:40

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:32

Nobody needs telling the dog needs to be left alone, nor that the dad should of intervened.
2 year old do daft things, they are babies. Thats why you don’t leave them unsupervised.

However, your replies are aggressive and defensive. Makes me think your actions were likely aggressive and over the top too.

This. You do seem quite angry.

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:40

MinPinSins · 10/05/2025 06:30

You threatened to hit her 2 year old (2 years 8 months is not 'almost 3') in the face. Of course she's pissed off. I don't know why you continued after you'd said 'we do not throw things at lucky' and removed the coaster, which would have been perfectly reasonable.

Her partner absolutely should have been supervising better, and that's on them, but I do sympathise with them, as it's not like they can choose to avoid visiting the dog unless they also avoid seeing the grandparents too.

FWIW, I have both an elderly dog and a toddler myself, so I know what it's like.

Don't be so disingenuous. "How would you like it if I hit you" is in no possible universe a threat.

TimeForABreak4 · 10/05/2025 06:40

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:39

Ideally, not at all, when the parents are there, but if they don't, then "Aunty " may have to, and "Aunty" may do it wrong. Rule for parents, act on your kids behaviour when in other people's houses based on the rules of that house, not your own.

Show quote history

It's not her house. It's their parents house, which the sisters child has as much right to be in as the op clearly when their mother is telling the op to apologise.

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 06:40

BIL should have been supervising.

You were overly aggressive with a small child.

SIL is not at fault, she wasn't even in the room.

You do need to take some responsibility for supervising your dog while the child is staying with your parents, even though it's not your child. The child is their grandchild and entitled to visit. It's annoying for you, but you're benefitting from living with them.

I have relatives with a dog and a young child and I dislike staying with them as, every time I need to shower, go to the loo or even pop out of the room, I need to work out where the dog is, work out where the child is and specifically ask someone to supervise them closely. I am made to feel annoying and like I'm making a fuss, but I do it to avoid incidents like this. If I were your sister, I would be thinking twice about staying in future, since essentially it means I have to be within arms-reach of my child for the whole visit since you're all a bit useless (including BIL).

Notashamed13 · 10/05/2025 06:39

If you didn't yank his arm why do you use the word "snitched" in your initial post? That word alone implies you thought your behaviour was a tad out of order in the first place. And 4 months from 3 is not nearly 3 - a month is a very long time for development at that age.

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:39

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:36

This isn’t about the shit parenting tho, that’s a given.

It’s about how an Aunty ‘disciplines’ their 2 year old nephew.

Ideally, not at all, when the parents are there, but if they don't, then "Aunty " may have to, and "Aunty" may do it wrong. Rule for parents, act on your kids behaviour when in other people's houses based on the rules of that house, not your own.

Original poster
Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:38

Pippa12 · 10/05/2025 06:36

This isn’t about the shit parenting tho, that’s a given.

It’s about how an Aunty ‘disciplines’ their 2 year old nephew.

And I was put in that shit situation due to BIL focusing on his magazine rather than his child. I stepped in because I didn’t want nephew to get a second whack in.

I would much rather have carried on sitting on my arse. I got no pleasure from having to tell off my nephew (and that having caused an issue)

OP posts:
ABrandNewFamily · 10/05/2025 06:38

Better a slightly OTT reaction than a dog bite

Rabidbunnyrabbit · 10/05/2025 06:38

You've got an arsey sounded answer for everything which makes me think you were much more aggressive than you claim

Is the mother pissed because the BABY has a bruised arm, I wonder.

Ignore or deny, your choice.

AliBaliBee1234 · 10/05/2025 06:38

LandSharksAnonymous · 10/05/2025 06:33

@AliBaliBee1234 failing to parent your child around big dog is not ‘missing something’ - it’s bloody shit parenting.

Your only hearing her one, defensive side of the story ...

tuesday2am · 10/05/2025 06:37

The dad should have been paying more attention and parenting his child, but you were definitely OTT. Communicating like that with a 2 year old is pointless.

He’s also not “nearly 3”. He’s 2.

Hercisback1 · 10/05/2025 06:37

For the sake of family peace I'd probably give an apology that isn't an apology. Eg "I'm sorry if you feel that I upset nephew".

AthWat · 10/05/2025 06:37

Mothership4two · 10/05/2025 06:35

It sounds like you were a bit heavy handed OP, which is not OK (especially with a two year old) and your BIL not parenting (also not OK) doesn't make your behaviour acceptable. Sounds like you are making excuses.

For your parent's sake (who are doing you a favour) I'd just apologise.

If you are just going to be defensive on here then I am not sure what the point of this thread was.

I am a animal loving dog owner

Edited

Why should the OP know how to deal with a two year old? The father's inaction caused her to act. You say it "doesn't make it ok" but her action was entirely consequential on the inaction.

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