Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

Well done you! So many times children get bitten or growled at by Dogs.My lovely dog is gentle but gets nervous if DC comes up. They ask to stroke her which is fine.your sister is being precious here.BIL sounds a sop he needs to step up as well.

I think it is fine. Of course OP was cross, the child was hitting her dog. Children need to learn that hitting living things will spark an angry reaction. They do need to be a bit frightened. If he hits another dog, it might bite him. If he hits another child, they might wallop him back a lot harder.

All that ‘take the coaster away and say something nicely’ stuff, is confusing. It just tells them hitting is fine and the equivalent of not putting their shoes on when asked. It isn’t fair on the child.

What's the harm then if he didn't understand?

Can you highlight one post where someone has said its fine to hit a dog in the face with a coaster?

The thing is if the dog had retaliated they’d be hell to pay.
so gentle parent won’t work in this situation.

Do you know what the use of inverted commas mean?

young and stroppy? Give over!

He is a 2 year old baby. He is not nearly 3, 4 months is huge development wise at that age. He would have struggled to understand why you where telling at him. At 3 my kids would have understood more, at 2 and a half much less. He dropped a coaster, he is a baby, have a word with yourself

I'm sure your 2 year old would learn a great lesson from seeing his mother physically assault anyone that tried to stop him hitting an animal. That would be a child I'd love to know as an adult.

You reacted and dealt with the situation absolutely fine. His dad should have sorted it if he didn’t want you too. Don’t apologise.

This is how kids end up being bitten by dogs. They’d have had something to say if the dog had snapped (which he was entitled to do if he was sleeping and suddenly someone hits him over the head!)

The parents should be parenting, and, if not, they must accept that other people might have to do it for the safety of their child.

I fear for the pets of the world.

Yanked the kid detail is in the title OP

It's more shocking that people seem to think its fine to hit a dog in the face with a coaster. OP isn't a parent and doesn't work around children by the sound of it, how the fuck would she know the perfect way to deal with it? Her priority was rightly protecting her elderly dog, the other parent was in the room also and should have stepped in but couldn't be bothered. I love the posts about OP shouldn't be left alone in the future with him, I'm sure she's gutted 😂

My son is this age and would not understand the 'how would you like it if I hit you' concept. I think he would just hear and understand 'i hit you'.
If it were my child I would absolutely grab his arm and be cross with him, to cement in his mind that he mustn't hit the dog. That's how children get bitten. I would talk to your sister and explain you love your nephew and want him to be safe. It doesn't need to be an argument.

Safety has to come first and you did the right thing stepping in and stopping the behaviour. Some parents are into that never shouting and constantly talking about feelings approach but they can't guarantee that other adults around their children will follow the same philosophy. If they are that concerned about other adults reacting differently to their child's behaviour then they need to supervise more.

No, look after your own child instead of leaving it with random childless people who probably won't do things the way you would like. Good plan.

You clearly don’t like children, or understand them. At his age he doesn’t have impulse control or full understanding. Yes to stepping in and stopping him, no to threatening him (you behaved like a petulant teenager).

If you spoke to my 2 year old like that you’d be getting more than a coaster in the face. How inappropriate, with arm grabbing too.

You were totally in the right. Your sister can get over herself.

What you could try doing is teaching children that "how would you like it if I hit you?" and "I might hit you" are different words that mean different things entirely.

Wow, to a toddler? They need guiding not spoken to like that. You don’t sound very nice. I wouldn’t be leaving my child around you.

Well old enough to know you don’t wack a dog with a coaster
if the dog had retaliated they’d have something to moan about - poor dog.

I am a parent to two toddlers and if either of them go to hit the dog they get a firm telling off.

If I can intercept, I would hold the arms - NO, I will not let you hit the dog.

If the deed is done, NO, you must not hit the dog - it hurts him - did you see how he reacted?

I add in the danger aspect about 3yo.

NO, you must not hit the dog, it's dangerous. Ddog is very good, but if you surprise him or hurt him, he could bite you.

There's no point in sugar coating it! They've got to know it's a red line.

In this scenario, getting across the message is more important than wording it perfectly. You wouldn't react perfectly to a child running in to a road either - it's dangerous!

For the sake of peace I'd apologise for the 'how would you like it' comment and say maybe you reacted a bit strongly but you were concerned for the dog and your nephew.

Dogs and children need to be watched the whole time. On a family visit, everyone has to help out doing this. Small children who aren't used to dogs aren't necessarily going to behave appropriately and so it's on everyone - not just the parents - to help supervise. Otherwise you get a situation where (especially with a useless BIL), SIL literally has to have the child next to her the whole visit. And who wants to visit in those circumstances? So unpleasant and stressful.

Actually, it sounds like the OP was supervising her dog properly, as she intervened promptly and stopped the dog being annoyed even if the way she did it was OTT, so no harm done thanks to her actions. BIL should have been more on the ball.

The phrasing is absolutely threatening. Especially if said in an aggressive or raised tone. The point (asking a 2.5 year old to consider their behaviour) doesn't have to be, but could have been phrased better. I.e. "How do you think it feels for the dog..." Or "how do you feel when someone hits you" (assuming most 2 year olds have been whacked by another toddler).