Page 25 | Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

Mmemm · 2025-05-10T05:06:10+00:00

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband. We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross. But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate. But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit like that to happen. In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

KarmaKameelion · 10/05/2025 08:13

Bumble2016 · 10/05/2025 08:12

I hope threatening a two year old made you feel big and strong, OP 👍

That is totally uncalled for. At no point did she indicate she wanted to do this. She clearly reacted. Your post is a bit sick - you are projecting something that is clearly not there

AthWat · 10/05/2025 08:13

OnyourbarksGSG · 10/05/2025 08:10

Got to say I agree with this and I’m not one for all this gentle parenting crap.

“How would you like it if I hit you in the face “ was the exact thing a friend of mine said to a service user in a care home who was having an episode and smacked her….. and she was sacked for gross misconduct. It’s a threat and I would be v v angry if somebody said that to me. You can’t expect a toddler to understand this. So THIS, I would apologise for but not for stepping in.

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She was sacked for gross misconduct for saying "How would you like it if I hit you in the face"?

I simply don't believe that. I don't say you weren't told it, but I don't believe it.

It isn't a threat. Not in any shape or form.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/05/2025 08:13

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/05/2025 08:09

You had no right to put up your hand on a toddler or threaten him.
He shouldn't have threw anything at the dog, as a toddler he is learning.
You are adult.
If you were watching closely then you could have prevented it from happening.

FFS !! The childs’ father was in the room and did nothing. How is the child supposed to learn if no-one chastises him when he does wrong ? Would you rather the lesson he learned was that if you hit a dog on the head it bites you ?

Lostcat · 10/05/2025 08:13

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 10/05/2025 08:07

Why would you be annoyed at the language? Genuinely curious because I also have a 3.5 year old and I don’t think it’s that bad!

I wouldn’t say “that was very mean of you” to a child, but you can’t expect someone who doesn’t have kids to be up to date with all the latest parenting guidance.

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I have a 3.5 year old and I’d be furious if someone said to my child “how would you like it if I hit you in the face” and “that was very mean of you.”

Original poster

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 08:13

AthWat · 10/05/2025 08:11

Nephew.

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Jealous? lol what

sorry that was directed at Blueskybluesky1 who you quoted

”Although you say you dont want children you're coming across in your responses as maybe jealous of the attention your family places on your niece”

Jealous of a toddler??

OP posts:

AD1996 · 10/05/2025 08:13

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 07:20

To me “how who you like it if…” is a way to encourage empathy. Certainly didn’t do it to be a nasty bully.

Yes but he’s 2 and a half, not 6 or 7 so he wouldn’t have understood that.

IkeaJesusChrist · 10/05/2025 08:13

You do sound like a bit of a dick OP.

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 08:13

KarmaKameelion · 10/05/2025 07:58

The ‘hazard’ was asleep on the sofa…. absolutely she needed to supervise the dog

parent needed to supervise and the child. He did not.

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That's not how the law would see it.

Original poster

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 08:12

Halfemptyhalfling · 10/05/2025 08:06

You did the right thing as it's important for kids not to hit dogs
I note that you say you didn't want the dog hurt rather than protecting the child and you were hungover so you probably were a bit harsh.

I can see how that has come across quite uncaring to my nephew. Who for the record I adore.

It’s more that I’ve never seen my dog show the slightest hint of aggression. I didn’t think it likely he would bite in that moment (never say never). So I was more concerned about seeing a 14 yo, white faced dog with arthritis being physically harmed. Of course I don’t want my nephew to be bitten but the way we have set up boundaries with my dog means that‘a sort of naturally mitigated (if people follow the rules). Ie nephew isn’t allowed in dog’s quiet space plus all the other rules we have (the study).

OP posts:

arcticpandas · 10/05/2025 08:12

On the fence about this one.
If it would have been my kid I def would have taken him by the arm and angrily said "NO! We don't hit the dog" and taken the toy away.
Not my child: would have done the same but firmly, not angrily. Because my kids aren't afraid of me but another kid might be so I would be very firm but calmer.

What I wouldn't have done is talking about hitting him but you are younger and sound a bit immature and the hangover probably didn't make you more patient😅.

What you need to understand though is that you and your sister both went into protective mode; you about the dog, her about the toddler. If you can see this maybe you can acknowledge that you shouldn't have said the thing about hitting him and apologise for that only.

Bumble2016 · 10/05/2025 08:12

I hope threatening a two year old made you feel big and strong, OP 👍

Elasticatedtrousers · 10/05/2025 08:11

No doubt that you should have stepped in but your words were totally inappropriate for a small child.

AthWat · 10/05/2025 08:11

Blueskybluesky1 · 10/05/2025 08:09

urm yeah, living with your parents. Although you say you dont want children you're coming across in your responses as maybe jealous of the attention your family places on your niece. Sounds like you're also a little resentful of your sister impeding on 'your' temporary home.
You clearly have no understanding of small children (so I find Mumsnet an interesting place to air your issue) and clearly do not love your niece.

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Nephew.

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 08:10

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/05/2025 08:09

You had no right to put up your hand on a toddler or threaten him.
He shouldn't have threw anything at the dog, as a toddler he is learning.
You are adult.
If you were watching closely then you could have prevented it from happening.

If you were watching closely then you could have prevented it from happening.

Maybe that point should be addressed to the child's actual parent.

OnyourbarksGSG · 10/05/2025 08:10

TimeForABreak4 · 10/05/2025 06:12

"How would you like it if I hit you in the face" to a toddler is a ridiculous thing to say and not a normal way to deal with it.

Gently holding his arm, bending down to his level and saying No, we dont hit lucky and removing the coaster, fine.

Edited

Got to say I agree with this and I’m not one for all this gentle parenting crap.

“How would you like it if I hit you in the face “ was the exact thing a friend of mine said to a service user in a care home who was having an episode and smacked her….. and she was sacked for gross misconduct. It’s a threat and I would be v v angry if somebody said that to me. You can’t expect a toddler to understand this. So THIS, I would apologise for but not for stepping in.

SillyShoes · 10/05/2025 08:10

SendBooksAndTea · 10/05/2025 06:16

However old and soppy the dog, children need to be supervised around them. I'd be more concerned that his dad wasn't watching him carefully enough. You just never know.

Exactly this.
Children need to be taught how to behave around animals, and if they're too young, or don't understand they need to be supervised really closely. For their own sake as well as the animals.
If a child did this to my dog she would probably snap at them.
I think you should have dealt with it more gently, but it should never have happened in the first place because the parents should have been watching. And if his dad was sitting there, why didn't he step in?
There's fault on both sides, but you only reacted because the parents didn't, so I don't think they can really complain.

Theunamedcat · 10/05/2025 08:09

Ok you need to stay while you save up so apologise

I'm sorry I stopped your child from being bitten

I'm sorry your husband doesn't parent his own child

I'm sorry I'm not super nanny

Tbh you clearly don't know how to parent a child and that is OK because your not actually this child's parent

Bumblebeestiltskin · 10/05/2025 08:09

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 07:20

To me “how who you like it if…” is a way to encourage empathy. Certainly didn’t do it to be a nasty bully.

But that's not the way you said it - you were hungover and grumpy and you took it out on a 2 year old. Why couldn't you stay festering in your parents' spare room and let your parents spend time with their other child and grandchild?

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 10/05/2025 08:09

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:18

2 is very different from an almost 3 yo.

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You’ve lost my sympathy here, OP. 2 is not different from at almost 3 year old, it’s literally the same.

Blueskybluesky1 · 10/05/2025 08:09

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:23

Haha I’m the back sheep

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urm yeah, living with your parents. Although you say you dont want children you're coming across in your responses as maybe jealous of the attention your family places on your niece. Sounds like you're also a little resentful of your sister impeding on 'your' temporary home.
You clearly have no understanding of small children (so I find Mumsnet an interesting place to air your issue) and clearly do not love your niece.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/05/2025 08:09

You had no right to put up your hand on a toddler or threaten him.
He shouldn't have threw anything at the dog, as a toddler he is learning.
You are adult.
If you were watching closely then you could have prevented it from happening.

Ofcoursehesthefkingfarmer · 10/05/2025 08:08

I also have an elderly golden retriever who likes to dose in the sun.

I think if your sister and BIL aren’t prepared to actively parent their child around dogs, that’s the biggest issue here because as good natured as the dog may be, being hit on the head whilst sleeping has the prospect of evoking a negative reaction.

I probably would have been slightly lighter in tone with my children at that age but I spent a LOT of time in teaching the children about our dogs to avoid these situations, at 2.5years old there is no fucking way they would be left to their own devices around them.

I think the balance of the issue here is on their tardy parenting and ultimately they cannot expect you to parent in their absence when you don’t have children because you are never going to get it right IMO.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/05/2025 08:08

TheGirlWhoLived · 10/05/2025 08:03

I wouldn’t want you around my toddler with your attitude and quick temper

You don’t know OP. So you have no frame of reference to determine whether she is either of the things you have assumed. There is nothing in her posts to suggest either.

KarmaKameelion · 10/05/2025 08:07

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 07:55

You do have a certain duty to supervise though if you own a hazard (like a dog) that is accessible in a house that is visited by small children. You're not responsible for supervising the child generally, no, but you are responsible for making sure the hazard created by you doesn't cause harm.

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Actually I change my response as it is the family dog so why aren’t you calling her parents into question?

Soontobe60 · 10/05/2025 08:07

‘Kind’ is a word we hear all too often - usually in sickly sweet slogans. “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”.
It’s one which has been weaponised and now means shut up, don’t complain, put up with it and so on.
Instead of ‘use kind words’, why not ‘use honest words’. Hitting an animal, especially one with the potential to cause serious harm to humans, is something that needs to be addressed in a manner which mirrors the seriousness of the action. ‘Gently’ speaking to a toddler with ‘kind words’ who has hit an animal with an object is a waste of time. Those of you saying this toddler is too young to understand so shouldn’t be shouted at are contradicting themselves. The whole point is, they should be spoken to in a way where they will associate those words with their wrong actions - so, “No DC, do NOT hit the dog, it might bite you!” in a raised voice will have more of an impact. They will remember that they were told off last time they tried to hit the dog so will be less likely to do it again, thus staying safe.
The OP said it was her sister that used the work ‘yank’, that she didn’t, just moved his arm. It’s a shame the child’s father who was in the room at the time didn’t see fit to parent his child - that’s much more concerning in this scenario.