Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

I wouldn't be happy if I was your sister. He's a toddler for godsake. I understand your reaction was to protect your dog. I would have said "no, we don't do that, You could hurt the dog", then say something along the lines of "we need to be kind to animal", and stroke the dog to model the behaviour we want, then get him to stroke the dog kindly. That said you don't have children, so you probably didn't think like that. You're thinking as an adult, he's a toddler who's learning.

you sound like you were angry and physical - so yes, you were unreasonable.

Quite. This is the reason I left education. All this gentle hands crap when a child is whacking another animal or person!
I wouldn’t want to apologise but if I did for the sake of your parents, I’d make it clear that the child’s parents should be supervising him and not sat with their nose in a magazine.
Why didn’t the BIL say something to you at the time? Has your sister apologised to anyone for her child whacking the dog?

If you’d come on here and said my nephew wasn’t being supervised by either of his parents and he whacked the dog and the dog bit him and you declared that you’d told the child to use kind hands and to be gentle, people would be in uproar and say why didn’t you physically intervene and avoid it happening!

Ignore the holier than thou posters, you did nothing wrong. You maybe were a bit more stern than you could have been but you protected your dog and your nephew. Shame his parents didn’t.

His parents should have been watching him. I'd tell them you're sorry if they don't like how you handled the situation, but they need to supervise their son around the dog. If he's been gently told several times previously, it's clearly not yet sinking in with him how to behave around animals so he needs to be watched like a hawk. Maybe the Dad can stay home with him and your sister can visit on their own if she's wanting one on one time with your parents.

To me this is one of those serious situations where there's potential immediate danger like kid running out into the road. Your fight or flight instincts can sometimes make you react a little heavy handedly. If the nephew was really upset afterwards then I would have apologised to him for being a little harsh, but I don't see why your sister and BIL are expecting an apology.

^Why has such a drama been created out of what seems like a fairly normal disciplining of a child? Why has BIL gone out of his way to make OP sound so dreadful?^
I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it.
You think it is normal to run, pull, take, his arm, ask if toddler would like to be hit in the face? He didn't hit dog in face, he doesn't understand threatening crap.

What does this batshit word salad even mean? 🤣

YANBU.

What you did wasn’t the end of the world. Possibly a bit more forceful and wordy than ideal, but guess what? Even parents and experts go a bit OTT sometimes.

What would’ve been the end of the world, would be the dog hurting your nephew. I know you say it wouldn’t, but any dog(animal) can. It’s always a possibility. You kept both the dog and child safe. That’s the main thing.

As for your sister I’d do an “I’m sorry you’re upset” type of apology . She can take it or leave it.

By which time the dog could have bitten the child. There are times when a kid is in iminent peril, that a short, sharp reaction is required.
Would you try and negotiate with your kid if it was runnung towards a main road/pride of lions/group of thugs?
I was at a restaurant recently, sitting outside. The table next to me, 4 adults, friendly, placid dog, who had recieved a lot of patting from me, was sleeping under table during meal. During coffee, a family walked past. Toddler saw dog, rand towards it squealing and screaming 'doggie' the dog, frightened, shot out from under table and barked at child (owner had hold of it on lead). Kid then went hysterical, table of 4 very upset.
Parents of child were 'oh my poor little darling, did the doggie bark at you'. Owner of dog explained that dogs and animals will react to shouting and running towards it, because they don't know they/ their owner aren't going to be attacked.
So, blame firmly in lap of parent

I think you did the right thing OP! The Dad should have done it - someone needed to make sure he never does that again.

My daughter was bitten by MIL’s elderly sleeping dog at the same age - just for startling him as she toddled past. Children need to be closely supervised around animals at that age and hitting the dog on the head needed a response. He’s very lucky he wasn’t bitten.

Many parents on this thread who are not currently receiving free babysitting from the OP have said the OP was out of line.

Really it will come down to the OP and if she wants to keep her cushy situation or move out.

Sounds fine to me. Not sure why the father wasn't watching his kid in someone else's house around the pet. The kid didn't cry so wasn't hurt and distraction worked. I don't think you did anything wrong except the 'sin' of not wanting to breed.

No, the issue is that the child was hitting a dog, which could have turned on him in seconds. Had OP not intervened there could well have been a tragedy. But hey, let’s all make believe that wouldn’t have happened and pile in on the way OP handled it.

She's already shouted at 2 year old and physically manhandled them ...

That was the accusation. OP said she just grabbed their arm to stop another blow to the dog.

Well, the parent should have intervened, certainly. Aside from it being unkind to the dog, no dog should ever be trusted around a child and he could have turned in an instant, especially if he felt attacked.

That's not how you speak to a toddler, though, OP and its not a nomal way to deal with it. Still, your sister's anger is completely misdirected and should be towards her useless husband. It shouldn't have been for you to deal with in the first place.

Well. Happy Saturday. YANBU. Thanks for the update that the nephew was completely unfazed (as I would have expected).

I do wonder what on earth is going on with your BIL, he seems to have deliberately wound your sister up.

She could have been less kind by what ? She's already shouted at 2 year old and physically manhandled them ...

It's best for both dog and child that they don't visit again though, if no one can be arsed to supervise properly so that both dog and child are safe.

Nope.

Not unless the child’s parents apologize for not supervising their offspring.

Massive overreaction by the parents, and shitstirring by your PIL. Ultimately, there was no harm done - and there could have been, had the OP not intervened in a timely fashion.
Trauma is a dog bite to the face, not being sternly spoken to.

But the OP has also said she takes her nephew out for days out.
So actually it sounds like the sister is all too happy for free childcare but isn't happy that someone else has spoken to the child about how she speaks to the dog.
Sister sounds like one of these ones who nobody can do right for wrong with the child but will then start asking 'wheres my village' when nobody can be bothered with the drama anymore.

I am grown up thank you

BIL should be looking after his son
Then it wouldn’t have been a problem

She could have been less kind, too. Sister pearl clutching and throwing her weight around because her baby was disciplined does not bode well for the family dynamic. Last thing I’d be doing as the grandma is begging for apologies. Sounds like sister is hideously entitled.

The other person is two in this scenario. I'm not the out of kilter one here. I can only assume you don't have children or are @genuinely crap at parenting.

If your back in your parents house to save, it is a big change for parents when an adult DC returns.

Now there is a rift between you, DGS, overflowing.

For your own sake, put your head down, save, move out, otherwise if you continue to have arguments with your Dsis, or carry on this drama, your parents will regret inviting you back to save, keep the peace until you have enough saved.

This is unfair on your parents, adult child squabbling like teenagers while living at home.

You're lightening each post too, downplaying your initial reaction.tut tut.

you don’t know appropriate age/stage interventions.

The same could be said of the lazy arse father who sat there watching and did nothing. What was OP supposed to do, wait until the dog retaliated ?