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Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

994 replies

Mmemm · 10/05/2025 06:06

So I live with my parents (saving up for flat in London). My sister often visits with her child and husband.

We have a gorgeous 12 yo Golden Retriever who is enjoying his golden years sunbathing on the sofa. Anyway, I was in the living room on my phone when I saw my little toddler nephew go up to my dog on the sofa and hit him on the head with a coaster. Obviously it’s not heavy but I reacted as I am protective of my elderly dog, poor boy was dozing. I ran up to my nephew and held him by arm and said “we do not throw things at ‘Lucky’, how would you like it if I hit you in the face? That was very mean of you”. I took the coaster away from him and said if he can’t use it nicely then he can’t have it. Not a big deal. Pretty normal way to deal with it in my view. I may have been a little cross.

But sister is now demanding an apology. BIL was sat sort of to the side reading a magazine and snitched. Didn’t say anything at the time. Errr how how about you parent your child mate.

But apparently I was very overboard. I don’t think I was. I refuse to apologise on principal. Dog took it in his stride but you can’t be allowing shit
like that to happen.

In my mind sister can do one but parents have literally begged me as apparently she won’t visit whilst I am home 😂

OP posts:
Worriedsickmostofthetime · 10/05/2025 09:45

Lilactimes · 10/05/2025 09:43

Hi @Mmemm - I think you did fine btw but just some advice from me for the future.
In these types of scenarios with kids and animals - if you’re protecting the animal against an exploring toddler/ kid pulling a tail/ hitting head/ throwing things - always reframe it as “you were protecting the kid and moving in quickly/ sharply to prevent a worse scenario”. In my experience another parent will never accept a scenario where you shouted at their kid to protect your animal.

This reframing will prevent another adult being too annoyed with you and you’ve protected your animal (and actually their kid but they never see that).
Then you can teach the kids how to behave around animals more calmly when not in the heat of the moment.

and just because this seems to be important on this thread today - I’m a mother of now late teens and have multiple pets nephews and nieces and friends of kids coming round.

Edited

So you have to reframe things for gentle parents because they can’t think further than their own kids… says a lot about these kind of parents and the self absorbed children they raise.

SendBooksAndTea · 10/05/2025 09:45

Needlenardlenoo · 10/05/2025 09:23

There was a best selling novel adapted into a miniseries about a not totally dissimilar situation.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Slap_(novel)

This was a very dissimilar situation about a proper slap not someone holding an arm to protect a child that is about to hit a dog, possibly resulting in being bitten. It is also written terribly.

GlutesthatSalute · 10/05/2025 09:44

The kid's dad is a prat.

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:43

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 09:41

I'm a bit confused about who owns this dog. It is described by the OP both as 'my dog' and as 'a family pet'. Whose responsibility was it to be supervising the dog around the child (it was clearly the parents' responsibility to be supervising the child around the dog)?

The dog is the family pet.

And it was minding its business sleeping on the sofa until teeny came over and commenced bashing it with a coaster.

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 09:43

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:42

Have you experienced many instances where your child has been hitting a sleeping animal with an object and your sisters had to react swiftly to prevent him/her possibly coming to harm?

Yes. They are always kind. They are good with kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lilactimes · 10/05/2025 09:43

Lostinthewoods8 · 10/05/2025 09:21

Gentle parents are out in force. I don't see an issue with what you said, and I took would have held his arm or taken the coaster. I wish more parents parented their kid's, if you work in a school you'll understand the type of behaviour and lack of boundaries the new generation of children have.

If he didn't like the what you said, maybe he could have been watching his son, and intervened before he smacked the dog in the face. Not all dogs will be as tolerant as yours.

Hi @Mmemm - I think you did fine btw but just some advice from me for the future.
In these types of scenarios with kids and animals - if you’re protecting the animal against an exploring toddler/ kid pulling a tail/ hitting head/ throwing things - always reframe it as “you were protecting the kid and moving in quickly/ sharply to prevent a worse scenario”. In my experience another parent will never accept a scenario where you shouted at their kid to protect your animal.

This reframing will prevent another adult being too annoyed with you and you’ve protected your animal (and actually their kid but they never see that).
Then you can teach the kids how to behave around animals more calmly when not in the heat of the moment.

and just because this seems to be important on this thread today - I’m a mother of now late teens and have multiple pets nephews and nieces and friends of kids coming round.

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:42

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 09:33

Aw. I’m glad my sisters are kinder to my wee ones than this.

Have you experienced many instances where your child has been hitting a sleeping animal with an object and your sisters had to react swiftly to prevent him/her possibly coming to harm?

TheWorminLabyrinth · 10/05/2025 09:42

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 09:39

I’m going to guess that nephew is a bit of an irritant to the OP and in her hungover state she couldn’t find it in her to be patient with him.

and yet, had you bothered to read the OPs posts, you'd see she states that she babysits the nephew, takes him out for days, bothers to find craft activities she thinks he will like. I find it helps to have all the information before I open my mouth. Try it.

Goldbar · 10/05/2025 09:41

I'm a bit confused about who owns this dog. It is described by the OP both as 'my dog' and as 'a family pet'. Whose responsibility was it to be supervising the dog around the child (it was clearly the parents' responsibility to be supervising the child around the dog)?

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 09:39

I’m going to guess that nephew is a bit of an irritant to the OP and in her hungover state she couldn’t find it in her to be patient with him.

Crackingprawn81 · 10/05/2025 09:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:38

SnugMintFawn · 10/05/2025 09:35

…sure, I’ve never said most posters disagree with OP, but the post I was quoting literally said she is ignoring a “small minority”

But others HAVE said that. So whilst I agree that a ‘small minority’ is inaccurate, it’s in keeping with the rest of the hyperbole and gross exaggeration going on in the thread.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/05/2025 09:36

HerNeighbourTotoro · 10/05/2025 09:16

Interestingly you think you need to protect your dog, but not your nephew. You doi sound very angry and bitter and passive aggressive and what you said was very OTT.

OP has already explained that the dog is docile and unlikely to bite, but she admits she can’t be sure so yes, l think she was looking after the child too. Better to be OTT than end up in A&E wouldn’t you say ? And just as an aside what exactly do you find unreasonable in not wanting a child to hit your elderly dog ?

SnugMintFawn · 10/05/2025 09:35

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:28

It’s not. But it’s still a lot smaller than the repeated claim that ‘most’ posters disagree with OP.

…sure, I’ve never said most posters disagree with OP, but the post I was quoting literally said she is ignoring a “small minority”

NannyPlum7 · 10/05/2025 09:33

Aw. I’m glad my sisters are kinder to my wee ones than this.

CallItHome · 10/05/2025 09:32

Your behaviour sounds a little more aggressive than it needed to be. And I don’t think you know much about toddler behaviour. Of course you had to stop your nephew doing this, but there are better ways. And the brother-in-law is an idiot of course for not addressing this at the time.

Crackingprawn81 · 10/05/2025 09:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/05/2025 09:30

ezi91 · 10/05/2025 09:23

Tbh your brother in law probably thought best to avoid you potentially hitting him.

You seem the type

The misogyny in some posts is breathtaking. How on earth did you arrive at that conclusion ? He’s the parent. He was in the room. He should have been aware of the child approaching the dog and the one to intervene when he saw what was about to happen. He didn’t do any of that and managed to weasel out of his responsibility by setting his wife against her sister.

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:30

ezi91 · 10/05/2025 09:23

Tbh your brother in law probably thought best to avoid you potentially hitting him.

You seem the type

<Shark Jump mode initiated>

Butchyrestingface · 10/05/2025 09:28

SnugMintFawn · 10/05/2025 09:25

I wouldn’t call 42% a small minority 🤔

It’s not. But it’s still a lot smaller than the repeated claim that ‘most’ posters disagree with OP.

AthWat · 10/05/2025 09:28

Alwaystired23 · 10/05/2025 09:27

Both! But my husband wouldn't have let that go on in the first place. My husband would have intervened. If I was the sister I'd be annoyed at both of them tbh. But luckily my own and sister and dh, are nothing like the OPs!

Why would you be annoyed at your sister for stepping in and doing the best she could?

Alwaystired23 · 10/05/2025 09:27

AthWat · 10/05/2025 08:44

So as her sister would your reaction be "why did my sister say something sharp to my toddler who she doesn't really understand because she doesn't have children" or "why is my husband coming whining to me about an incident that happened while he sat there and did nothing to prevent it, which could have ended with my toddler bitten if my sister hadn't stepped in, even if not perfectly"?

Both! But my husband wouldn't have let that go on in the first place. My husband would have intervened. If I was the sister I'd be annoyed at both of them tbh. But luckily my own and sister and dh, are nothing like the OPs!

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 10/05/2025 09:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Here we go ….

If you are not a parent then you cannot possibly know anything about raising children. 😂😂😂

SnugMintFawn · 10/05/2025 09:25

AthWat · 10/05/2025 08:51

She's taking on board the majority view, which is that she was fine in what she did. She's ignoring a small vocal minority.

I wouldn’t call 42% a small minority 🤔

TheWorminLabyrinth · 10/05/2025 09:25

ezi91 · 10/05/2025 09:23

Tbh your brother in law probably thought best to avoid you potentially hitting him.

You seem the type

You make yourself sound completely ridiculous with a post like this.

OP, you did nothing wrong. I'd have done the same.

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