Sister angry I “yanked” my nephew’s arm and told him off

You threatened a toddler!
What a nice auntie you are, if you were my daughter and refused to apologise you'd be given an eviction notice!

I'm surprised I made it to adulthood in that case, we always had dogs and cats at home. Presumably the difference was my parents actually parented me. Maybe people like OP's BIL should try it.

This is why toddlers should be kept away from dogs, the toddler probably won’t have ‘learnt his lesson’ from one telling off. He is too young to understand how to be safe around a dog. Young children can often shriek or make sudden movements that can startle a dog. They should not be in the same room in my opinion.

Why??

I wouldn't be apologising, BIL should be apologising for letting his kid hit a sleeping dog in the first place. No doubt if he'd snapped the poor dog would get the blame

Eh you clearly don’t have kids!! Just a ridiculous and over the top response…

Then spineless slacker BIL shouldn’t have said anything at all.

This is what used to annoy me whenever I spent time with my brother, SIL, niece and parents all together; I felt like I was left to do the parenting while they all had a chat or did other stuff! I now see them separately lol. The other parent should have told the child off. Maybe point this out to them and reiterate that Lucky is an elderly dog, and children should be supervised around all animals.

Maybe you could say "I'm very sorry, next time I will do the same as the father, absolutely nothing"

Or, perhaps "I didn't yank anyone anywhere thanks, but I realise I'm very much in the wrong for stepping in, and in future will do the right thing, which is simply wait for your husband to notice he needs to 'yank' his child's head out of a dog's mouth"

I would say that your sorry she feels it was over board, however she she should be speaking to her husband about why he did not discipline their child instantly meaning you would not of had too. Then point out that surely its better you are slightly over board now if it stops the child doing it again, as next time it may be a younger dog your nephew hits and possibly with something harder, in which case the next dog may not take it so kindly and could hurt their child be that knocking him over to get away or even biting. She might see it a little differently.

So what? So it’s not IHBU.

My original statement still stands. She needs to draw boundaries so she’s not angry when in the presence of a toddler. She doesn’t know, or isn’t able to practice appropriate age & stage interventions. That’s my advice, BIL or no BIL. And my advice to the op, not you, so not sure why you’re getting your knickers in a twist over it ☺️

My daughter is the same age. At this age they simply can’t control impulses and they definitely don’t have the capacity to understand empathy.

You definitely overreacted. I get it, our dog is 14. She is sometimes too rough and I use a stern voice if she does.

You do need to apologise. Toddlers move fast and I’m guessing you moved in quickly as soon as it happened. BIL probably didn’t feel comfortable saying something to you at the time.

I think you’re a responsible dog owner for standing up for your pup. My 7-year-old nephew did something similar once. He kept pulling my dog’s tail and paws. My dog was so frightened that I eventually told my nephew, ‘This is her home, and you’re a guest. If you can’t be kind to her, you’ll have to leave.’

Provided it does not have a history of aggression (which does not seem to be the case), then there's no need to keep a dog and a toddler separated.

There is a need to prevent toddlers from hitting dogs. The child's parent failed in that respect, OP promptly intervened. The shitty parents just don't like the way it was done.

Rubbish! The parents are responsible for controlling their child when there is a dog present! The dog was minding its own business and the child hit the dog. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they have visited with the dog present, so need to take responsibility for their child!

I think so yes - because it’s just easier. And if OP had just said, I was worried Lucky might have jumped up suddenly and knocked toddler so I pulled him back and was a bit agitated cos it happened suddenly and I was just suddenly worried he may have been nipped .. her sister would be grateful not angry … Just easier… 😃

No, it’s the father’s responsibility to watch HIS child particularly if there is a dog in the room! I’d not be apologising for the laziness of the child’s father! What would the outcome have been if the child had been bitten? The OP is in a no win situation!

Kid is 2. I highly doubt he’s learnt anything. He’ll be very likely to bash the dog on the head at the next opportunity unless someone stops him, because that is what toddlers are like.

Yes the father should have been watching the child and intervened but that doesn't make your reaction reasonable. Also you may not have had responsibility for the child but you did for the dog. So yes you do have to share some of the responsibility for keeping the dog away from the toddler to allow the dog to sleep in peace.

No she doesn’t - but she could frame it like that, like she was worried about DN to smooth it over for her parents.
its easier that way.

Agree! The fact she was hungover laid on the sofa too and the dad didn’t stand up and say wtf are you doing talking to my baby like that! Shows he was calm and she was irate IMO and he’s gone back to his wife (as that’s her sister) and said you deal with it or I will.

Why? He shouldn't be hitting anything in the face. She didn't hurt him and he's learnt a important lesson.

100% agree with you, your sister is an idiot!

To me it depends on how firmly you took hold of his arm. If it was a ‘yank’, a pull or something else rough, I can see why the parents would be annoyed although they themselves should have been more vigilant. If it was more of a holding his arm to prevent hitting then Yanbu.
In my family, even if I had grabbed a niece or nephews arm slightly more firmly than was ideal and been cross, my sibling would forgive me because I’m human, humans make mistakes, and I was protecting my pet and the child wasn’t hurt.

If you are honest with yourself and think perhaps you were bit rough, I think I would message the parent and say something
‘look I’m sorry if I held your DS arm a bit more firmly than I intended. I panicked when I saw him hitting the dog and made a mistake. I do think Tommy should have been supervising him more closely but I don’t want to fall out over this’.
If you are absolutely sure you weren’t rough but holding him in the same way anyone might remove a child from a risky situation, then I would say
‘I’m sorry we’ve fallen out over this but I was not rough with your DS and I don’t regret protecting my dog from being hit. Tommy should have been watching him more closely’ and leave it at that. You’ve done all you can.

Toddler trumps dog sorry 🤷‍♀️ quite normal behaviour for a toddler. They haven’t learned these lessons yet. They don’t understand the dog is old, it’s not kind, might hurt etc. you need to teach them not grab them and tell them off like that. More appropriate to take toddlers hand and gently say oooh nooo lucky is old we must not burn him like that. Then look at the dad and say “is t that right dad” to get him to parent HIS child whilst also stating your boundaries