It’s likely that my DD (17 months) might have autism. Will she be able to lead a somewhat normal life?

And?! My DD began the diagnostic process at 18 months as she was showing very clear signs and she was diagnosed before she turned 5.,

It's just so impossible to say.

My amazing 17yo dd has autism, formally diagnosed at 14. She's very sensitive, extremely empathetic, she has found school difficult at times navigating friendships but has found her folk now.
She's just been predicted 3 A* at a level. She leans on me for a lot of emotional support which can be draining at times but she will be just fine in life i am quite sure.
Am glad we got the diagnosis as she is kinder to herself now and has been able to get some accommodations for exams.

As a mother to an autistic child who was diagnosed as a toddler, your child also sounds very likely to be autistic. Not talking at all at 19 months and the other things you describe would be very strong grounds to join the waiting list and is far more than the basis of which my DD was diagnosed. I’m astonished that nobody has mentioned autism yet, however don’t wait for nursery staff/doctors to mention it, contact SALT yourself! Or whatever the process is in your area. It takes a very long time anyway so in the meantime if you change your mind you can always stop the process.

True. I also think since social media where people have developed birthing groups and things like that it is so much easier now to compare children whereas previously this wasn’t really the case.

my DD is now 2 and still showing the behaviours I have listed as well as general development delay. Time will tell I guess.

our HV hasn’t said autism tbf just said it’s likely they’ll want to assess her. I do think the HV saying that is inappropriate because the diagnostic process involves many different people from paediatricians to highly trained SALTherapists.

Hi OP

I just wanted to share my experience with you so far. My DD6 was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 4. We always had concerns about her but brushed them off as her being timid and shy, an only child, lockdown so not well-socialised etc, once she started nursery it became apparent very quickly that she was not like the other children.

DD is in p2 now (NI) in a mainstream setting. She has a Statement of SEN and a full-time 1:1 classroom assistant. She has been assessed by educational psychology as having moderate learning difficulties and will most likely need a move to specialist education at the end of KS1. She struggles with the work at school but is happy, settled, enjoys the routine and has many wonderful little friends who love to take care of her (although I have been advised by her paediatrician that due to a change in social dynamics around the age of 7/8 that this may not always be the case.)

DD regularly attends SLT and OT to help with her fine motor skills. She sees a dietitian due to her tiny stature and weight and her restricted diet. She is currently under investigations for genetic testing as she has indications of a genetic disorder that is linked to autism and learning difficulties. We have no idea what the future holds in terms of independence as an adult and also potential repercussions of the genetic disorder if she is ultimately diagnosed with it which is something I will always worry about.

Despite all of the above concerns DD is the absolute light of my life. She is sweet, gentle, adorable, funny, quirky, beautiful and perfectly unique. I wouldn’t wish to change one thing about her as she is truly perfect as she is and I’m thankful for her every second of every day.

You sound like a wonderful, caring and supportive mum and your little girl is lucky to have you. Being a SEN mum has its challenges but we all just do our best to support our children with SEN, our reward is seeing our children happy and healthy even if they are not quite like other children.

My advice to you would be to get as much support in place at the earliest opportunity- SLT, OT, PT, dietitian, autism assessment referral, EHCP put in place for starting school etc. The earlier your DD receives support the better it is for all of you, especially her.

You’ve got this OP, keep doing what you’re doing and you and your daughter will flourish 💐

I'm sure some Health Visitors are great, but lots massively overstep the mark and/or are just incompetent. They probably weren't that good as nurses or midwives, then decided they'd like to spend the rest of their careers sitting on other people's sofas drinking their tea.

I have two autistic DC and I think 17 months is very early to be pointing to a diagnosis. There doesn't seem anything definitive in what they have observed, although if your DH is likely autistic then there is more of a possibility. However, until your DC is older there is little you can foresee about her future. There is such a range of degrees and types of support that are needed. You don't know how verbal your DC will be. Even if her speech is delayed that might improve. I have taught autistic DC in my primary class and sometimes their level of speech improves dramatically even within a year. I think things will become clearer for you by the age of 3 or 4.

With my own DC both are fully verbal and thr impact has been more on their mental health. One has really struggled with the school environment, one also has OCD. I am hopeful that with a few adjustments they will both be able to lead happy and fulfilling lives.

autism is a huge spectrum. some have a full and independent life, and some need lifelong 1:1 care. Many fall somewhere in between. I have 2 with ASD. Time will tell. nobody will be able to tell you that at 17 months. I found it hard living with this uncertainty through the early years but you will be able to let that go at some point and just go with the flow.

Sorry but you just don't know that it's spectrum
Yes her daughter may well have a great and fulfilling life
But minimising how autism can impact people helps no.one.

The health visitor shouldn't have told you ,your daughter would likely get an autism diagnosis ,she can only refer her concerns ,she certainly isn't qualified to give a diagnosis ,and 17 months is very young
As for a normal life ,well it's a huge spectrum and nobody on here can tell you how autism ( if your daughter is autistic) will manifest itself
Many people have struggles, but are able to live and independent life ,work ,have relationship,s
But on the other hand there are people with a diagnosis that need 24\7 care for the for their entire lives
And everything in between ,i
If you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism.

Hmm. HVs are NOT qualified to diagnose autism and certainly not through a 30 mins observation. There’s an enormous range of normal behavior at 17 months, your daughter is a baby FFS.

First step is to make a complaint against the HV and ensure you never have to deal with her ill informed nonesense again.

secondly - on the off chance this woman guessed correctly (because truly, it’s a guess) Yes your daughter can have a wonderful life. I’m autistic, I make a big mumsnet salary, have a partner, kids, tons of friends,

DD10 is autistic too and doing really well so far. Bright with many friends

we both have our struggles but so do the neurotypicals

But please do make a complaint about this HV.

What a gift to be told your daughter could be on the autism pathway before she is even in preschool. I first suspected autism when my son was 15 months old. His diagnosis eventually landed just a few weeks shy of his 18th birthday. How different things would have been for him if we had been better able to support him, and know how to communicate with him. We’re struggling atm but I have no doubt that after some time getting to re-know himself he will flourish and thrive because even if he can’t see them, I can see his talents and his gifts.

I’ve successfully coached hundreds of AU-DD women through a skills programme to transition into new areas of work and worked with many ND women in the tech sector. Complex, brilliant women with so many gifts and talents - and full lives. I’ve been diagnosed late in life and it is like all the jigsaw pieces fitting in place. The entrepreneurial space is also full of founders and innovators running fantastic businesses - and a lot of us are autistic / ADD women.

Absolutely your girl will live a normal and fulfilling life. She’ll find her people and with your help she’ll find her gifts and understand what she needs to keep life on an even keel. As you know from life with your husband, autism often comes with comorbidities - and IME it’s these that are the barriers to a life that feels full… poor executive function, sensory issues, rejection sensitivity, anxiety. But you have a lot of time ahead of you to figure this out and will be well armed to make sure school meets her needs.

I have ADHD and was properly diagnosed. I was told by a health visitor that most likely my child will have it as she’s was the most hyper toddler. She’s 17 and I had her tested twice and she’s not neurodivergent. She was just a super active kid.
My husband’s eyes are quite close together and he hates it. He was so upset when HV told him that his daughter will have her eyes too close together too. Well, that didn’t happen either.
But even if it did, ADHD didn’t held me back and neither my husband’s eyes held him back. I worked in an industry full of autistic and neurodivergent people. We all lead very normal lives and our lives would have been way easier if the world was a bit less black and white created by neurotypical people.

I can tell you my experience with my son, which is that he’s been able to make friends at school and is in mainstream primary school with a little extra support (taught in smaller groups, some extra maths and reading support given). He has occasional meltdowns which can be difficult to deal with, he is very emotional during them and can run off or hit me and his sister/throw things around the house. There has been no extra support given to me as a parent to help him, other than the slight extra help he gets at school with his school work. But this is just my experience with one child, I know from other parents with autistic children that their experience can be very different, especially if they have non-verbal children. Recommend you get some recent books from the library on autism if you want to find out more, or join some Facebook groups for parents of autistic children.

@floweruser That is such a lovely post and I am so sorry you didn't grow up in a nurturing environment. I'm really glad you're in a happy marriage now.

Thank you

@FlowerUser what a lovely post

Children with comprehension delay don't show pretend play at 18 months, doesn't mean that they have autism.

@Agapornis The "test" here is whether children will join in with a pretend play scenario, and dolls are usually used for both boys and girls. (There's a question on the ASQ that HVs use for developmental checks about whether your child feeds, puts to bed, rocks a doll or stuffed toy.)

Pretending to make a drink or share blocks as "food" would work too, as would putting a driver in a truck and then pushing it around saying "brum Brum".

Autistic children often -though not always -develop pretend play later than typical children, or sometimes not at all. Typically developing children will generally show some pretend play by 18 months.

She may or may not have autism but I don’t think the reasons you have written suggest she has autism. My 21 month old would not give the dolly milk or brush the dolly’s hair. He also follows instructions/ says things a lot more around me than he would with strangers. A lot of these are typical behaviours.

I think you're cutting the cart before the horse, she may have autism like her Dad, the issues that you describe are typical from her age.

There is much more support out there than there used to be. I went for a diagnosis 10 years ago and was told I was hard to diagnose so they didn't diagnose me. I've now worked out I probably have ADHD and ASD. I will be seeking a new diagnosis.

I have had very senior roles and long lasting friendships and I'm very happily married in my 50s. It hasn't been easy but I love my amazing and weird brain.

But I also didn't grow up in a nurturing and cherishing family. This is so much more important for good outcomes. As long as she is secure in your support, she will delight and amaze you and have a great life.

It's OK to mourn the child she isn't but who you anticipated she would be. And I'm sure once you have had support for your feelings, you will be able to enjoy your wonderful daughter as she is and as she will become.

Yes and no. They can and do show some signs at a young age, however lots of the behaviours you have just listed are not uncommon for NT 18 month olds either so it would be very difficult to definitively say at 17 months. Many 18 month olds have no speech, and put everything in their mouths and are difficult to engage with, for example. Children who are diagnosed the youngest tend to be children with signs of more obvious developmental delays, but it doesn’t seem like OPs child has missed major developmental milestones as yet? I’m not saying she’s not autistic, just that a lot of the potential signs of autism at this age are also behaviours you might see in neurodevelopmental peers at this age.

My child displayed signed of being ND pretty much from birth, and was diagnosed before 2, however his needs are very profound. This is quite unusual though.

When asked to give the dolly milk or brush her hair she didn’t do it, she just walked around with the brush in her hand - when we play together she’ll give the dolly milk when I tell her to

Is that really the test? Interacting with strangers over a toy she's not that interested in? Is this really a medically backed test for autism? It sounds highly unscientific. Also feels a bit sexist, why would a 1.5 yo girl be interested in giving milk and brushing hair? What's the test for boys?
I never cared much for dolls and babies - when I was about 4-5 my Barbie went swimming and horse riding, fun stuff!