To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

Yanbu. People have friends all over the place. I had to organise a hen for a friend and it was really hard work having never met many of the guests. We had to consist the bride about almost everything anyway to make sure it was all things she would be happy with. I'm not married but there is no way I'd be comfortable expecting friend or families to spend ages planning a day based around me.

Better still, go back to the old tradition of a hen night. One evening out, probably somewhere local to where the bride lives.

Doesn't make much difference then who makes the arrangements.

Ask her why she thinks you should be footing the bill?

So DS is happy to see you out of pocket on your maternity leave, rather than her friends.
I would refuse to do that. If it’s too late I would tell everyone that you have paid and you need the money back asap, don’t wait until nearer the time because people will then drop out. If you can’t get the full amount at least get a sizeable deposit.

In answer to your question, I organised my own hen do, we went to this cheap youth hostel type place in the Lake District. It was only £50 per person and booked in my name and if anyone dropped out I would have paid for it - they didn’t.

Love this. Good for you!

This should be the new trend

Chances are that the bride has an awkward mishmash of different friends that don't know each other and are spread all over the place. Given that the bride is probably the only one who knows them all it makes sense for them to organise.

I'd never organise a hen, besides the trying to please everyone I'd feel really stressed needing to get money from complete strangers to pay for it.

Is there a friend who can help.

Have they started paying you back? People drop off. Get the cash now.

All the hen dos I have been on have been large groups and we have all had some part in organising the day whether that’s responsibility for collecting something, having a say in accommodation, etc. The last one I attended, it was all hands on deck to find accommodation because we were a large group and it was a bit last minute. Hen dos nowadays are not an evening out in town so I don’t think it’s realistic or the norm to do this yourself anymore!

Again, every hen do I have ever been on, payment upfront. I have never questioned this and other than maybe one or two who have had limited funds and have sat out of one or two activities due to the cost, it was just never an issue.

Costs can add up fast so don’t leave yourself in a crap situation. Small things like goody bags, T shirts and decorations can add up to so factor these into the cost.

Please get a deposit from everyone. People will drop out even with this. Money was the biggest issue on the hen do I helped organise, someone actually left the hen do over a disagreement about it. Get people to pay in 3 stages or something. Honestly you could be really financially down if you don’t start getting money from them.

This!
I don't offer more. If you want more you find another person to make it happen.

Our team at work wanted to do a hen do when our colleague got married.
One of us booked the cream tea.
One of us booked cocktails nearby.
Then we went to the pub.

All very lovely. Noone out of pocket. Everyone went home on the tube.

Honestly OP if you’re organising a large activity filled hen do you need to set the WhatsApp up - figure out what each attendee will be spending and get costs sent through to yourself to cover things. Otherwise it will just be really stressful.
if it’s say a full weekend and you will need a couple of hundred from each hen you need to explain what people need to pay in advance. They then send you the money and you have the funds to book.

this is completely normal and expected nowadays and no one will think you’re it of order for asking for money upfront.

you then use said money to get everything booked. A spreadsheet is a good idea.
WhatsApp polls good for some stuff but don’t give the group too much choice as 30 different people will have 30 different opinions!

Whatsapp group.
Give an estimate cost up front. Make sure everyone is agreeable.

As you book stuff as for the money immediately.

Do not be out of pocket.

I’d be paying nothing for your sisters friends either? They either pay up front or your DS pays for them.

I have categorically never ever been on a hen doo I haven’t paid upfront for xx

I agree when someone has a really clear idea of what they want, it means the person organising is just doing all of the shitty admin. It made sense when hen dos tended to be local nights out with 'surprises' on who was coming etc because it wasn't a huge task really but added a special element for the hen.

You'd be mad to pay before receiving their money though, I'd honestly be firm that if they don't pay by x date they sadly can't come- you will definitely be out of pocket or spending time and energy chasing people.

Yikes, I feel your pain but I’m not sure I’d be forking out loads of my own money and hoping people will pay me back. Can’t you send out a request for a preliminary £100 each and go from there?

I agree with you. Me and my sister arranged mine together, it was great fun tbh! I think brides often forget bridesmaids have busy lives too! If they are so stuck on what they want where is the surprise anyway?

Agreed but don't do it and let her do it

I organised my own hen day/evening. There is absolutely no need for a whole weekend of it!

Put a WhatsApp group together for all attendees and set out the initial plan I.e dates, location, basically whatever details are concrete.

Put polls up for things you need help deciding on I.e theme nights, location, dates or budget etc if those are not set in stone.

Get payment upfront before you book. Don’t dip into your savings as there are always drop outs!

Absolutely yes op. And as an invitee, I’d much rather be responding / speaking about plans to my friend .. the bride.. rather than someone I don’t know as well, if at all. So many times I’ve been on hens where someone’s organising it who I’ve never met. It’s so off putting and makes the whole thing feel more anxious somehow.

I organise my own hen booked the train tickets, hotel, cocktail making. My sister booked the restaurant and organised games. We had a great weekend.