To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

I agree with you, @readingmakesmehappy . If all your mates live far away? It's not complusory to get everyone together in a hotel for a weekend. Just have something smaller locally.

I think the expectation that a hen do is a weekend away has got out of hand. The expense is insane. We need to get back to it being an evening and maybe an afternoon.
Pretty much all my friends are married now, but there’s no way you’d catch me doing a whole weekend hen do any more. I’m also teetotal and given they tend to be structured entirely around drinking I find them pretty tedious.

I was MOH for my best friend 30 odd years ago, and I organised the hen do. We started off at home where we played some games (nothing too outlandish - this was the early 1990s), then I booked a really fancy restaurant and then we went on to the clubs. Most family and friends lived local as she was marrying a local, a handful travelled.

Times have changed though, my DD is getting married soon, she's not having a hen do abroad but she has organised a weekend break in London. All her friends/family are spread out across the country so it makes sense to have it somewhere central. If she organised somewhere local numbers would be lower. DD is driving it but her MOH is assisting with the logistics / admin.

OP, you really shouldnt be dipping into your own savings, that is madness. Your sister should be reinbursing you for those that dont pay up.

That sounds nice, but obviously not low cost, could all your friends afford it?

This is the problem. Instead of a fun evening, it's a bloody holiday! I think people nowadays have bigger disposable incomes than we had 30/40 years ago, but still. Some of the hen do threads on here are batshit.

I never understood hend and stag dos. Just go for a nice dinner or go out for a night and be down with it.

Doesn't need to be stressful and bride/groom should organise

You are being incredibly stupid to pay for things in the hopes of getting it back OP. You need to stop doing that immediately. I can guarantee you you will not get all 20 people's money.

I'm great at planning so happily volunteer to organise all hen dos and baby showers. Every group needs a planner!

I organised mine. Asked my friends along, booked us tickets for an exhibition, asked the girls to book their own hotel for the night - premier inn. We went out for dinner - not booked just went early, went for a drink in a rooftop bar, and the back to the hotel. Breakfast in the morning, a walk for those staying around, home after a snack for those who hadn't eaten so much Breakfast they didn't need any more food. It was lovely and small and low key. Oh just remembered we went for brunch in Fortnums ice cream parlour too.

I rather think it would make more sense really, it can be both stressful and expensive to organise but then, I do also think it’s a lovely thing to do for a close friend to show how much you care etc. I’m on the fence!

Bloody wish I had organised my own to be honest, my sisters resented being there at all yet insisted on organising my hen, completely sidelining my friends who would’ve done so much more, so I got one good day out but only the absolute bare minimum actually organised, a really crap cheap option for accommodation that didn’t even actually sleep everyone comfortably and nothing else planned or even researched for the rest of the weekend. I was pretty upset and I’m not one for buying into the whole bridezilla movement. It all just felt very low effort… because it was.

I organised my own. I wanted an affordable evening where the younger ones could skiddle off to a club if they fancied it, but older ones (dm, aunts) were accommodated as well.

I was very clear what I wanted to do. Meet early evening, meal, drinks around the town centre.

Vile sil took over. Booked a 'VIP' section of a pub I wasn't that bothered about, decorated it etc. We all ended up staying there most of the night. I went with the flow cos was happy drunk but looking back it wasn't what I wanted and would have had more fun on a bit of a pub crawl. It was a surprise so knew nothing about it and would have vetoed people having to contribute to stupid balloons and decorations.

I never had one. It's self indulgent, forced-fun crap.

I can see how hen dos have morphed into these big things. You don't have that nice little group living locally so at least some have to travel even if it's just a modest night out. Because people are having to travel you might as well make a trip of this. If most people have to travel might as well travel abroad and make a holiday.

Personally I prefer going to a simple hen do but I can see why the decision isn't always simple.

If a bride or groom doesn’t have time to organise their own hen because it’s such an exhausting, complicated farrago of bookings, accommodation, flights, activities, date-juggling, payments etc, then surely that’s a perfectly good rationale for reverting to a night out wherever the bride lives, attended by whoever can make it.

How about just not doing them, they seem to cause so many problems! Go back to dinner and a club! We arranged a table in a local cafe bar place for men, women and kids could be there too until 9pm, buy your own food and drink on an app, had 24 people come, fun night then off to the pub on the corner at 10 for the last hour of the band on. Really relaxed atmosphere as no silly expectations and drinking kept in check because the wedding was the following day

The whole thing is madness!

I think we need a campaign for reverting to a night out in the same town or in the place where most attendees live.

I married where I grew up so had the hen where I lived at the time. That way, each bunch just had to travel once. A restaurant and bar was ideal and anyone who travelled stayed with me or with other friends in the area. Some of those extra people joined us at the hen!

I did this once. I asked everyone what they wanted to spend, got them to pay and then booked stuff accordingly. Also there are travel agents for this kind of thing, we did a night in Manchester and they arranged it all to suit the budget. I think I did end up a tiny bit out of pocket but in the whole it was sorted amicably.

Your sister said you should pay and give the others time to save???!!!

Absolute cf.

You're not a bank.

Get the money up front. Don't risk a really awkward/expensive situation.

It she wants to give loans, she can do it from her account.

I totally agree with you. Do not front any money you cannot rely on people.

You are out of your mind not to get paid up front if you are paying money.

Too often people back out and the organiser ends up footing the balance.

Absolutely no way I would be booking anything that commits my money.

I organised mine which was cocktail making class, meal and a bar after that. Had a great time.

I did organise mine with my sister and a few of them came up with some welcome and some pretty unwelcome surprises.

Welcome = chocolate fountain and make up artist
Unwelcome = butler in the buff and limo which took us to a nightclub in a nearby city (I had wanted to stay in, wear pjs, drink cocktails and have snacks at my mum's house. Ended up having to scrape a hen off the floor of the nightclub as she was too drunk and passing out, then the bouncers had to kick her out of the back door whereupon I had to find a taxi home for us 🙄)

Basically, yanbu but if she does have an itinerary in mind, I wouldn't deviate too much from it. She should have offered to organise it herself or with you too

Well they wanted to get married, of course they need to organise a wedding. If that's really too much on their plate, then they need to scale back plans or hire a wedding planner. It's ridiculous to expect everyone to plan their Hen do because the brides "busy".

Aren't we all busy?

I think if the bride is going to dictate all the parameters of the hen do then they should do it themselves.