To think brides should organise their own hen weekends ?

I quite enjoyed doing it and saw it as a privilege to be asked and brides have a lot to do. I was also very grateful to my friends for organising mine (joint effort).

It’s helpful to the bride if someone else can take it on, but in your situation of having a new baby and BF, of course a nightmare and would have said no in your situation.

Is is too late to ask someone else to take over, as it’s too much for you? Too stressful and you need to be resting when you have down time not planning a hen.

This is all alien to me! I got married almost 25 years ago and there was none of this then. I had 3 separate hen nights (family, work colleagues, close friends) and they were adapted / suitable for those specific groups and their tastes and budgets. One was literally just a meal in a chain restaurant, one was a meal and drinks, and the other was a bit of a wild night out in a club. I organised them all myself 100% and couldn't have imagined expecting people to pay £100s to go abroad or for an activity weekend etc!
I think my experience (or at least, just a night out) was the norm up until about 10-15 years ago. Although, saying that, my husband did go abroad for 2 nights for his stag do, as did his brother 5 or so years later.
It seems to me that brides these days are becoming more and more entitled in their expectations. Weekends (sometimes even weeks) away, expensive activities, not to mention that they expect everyone else to pay for them. Not sure what the answer is, but I agree with you OP, if a bride wants something specific for her hen do, she should organise it herself.

Echo others, there are always ones who don't pay back. You can't be expected to sub them. You do need to get payment before you book, at least for the main accommodation

Ahhh DS is dear Sister!

yeah I mean...I am not sure it does changes anything I said. You have been asked to be part of the party and you said yes?
surely you know your sister and what she likes/dislikes so you were aware hopefully on what you were getting yourself into? If you agreed on the pretence that you won’t do more than what you have asked...you shouldn’t have accepted. It isn’t for you to decide whatever she wants for her wedding....

Back out if you want/feel she asks too much but it is defo part of the things you should do and be prepared for her to be rightly so annoyed with you. It is HER day so you should do what she asks...it is only one day :/
If she starts to be unreasonable just say that she needs another person to be added so it all can be done but do whatever you agreed on already.

Good luck 👌🏼

In this case the OP is referring to her sister, not her son when she says DS

I think the MoH should organise it BUT it should be contained to dinner and drinks - I.e. book the local Italian and a booth at The Pink Flamingo, not a week in Ibiza with £500 sunbeds, 6 meals in Michelin starred restaurants, spa treatments, cocktail making sessions and pole dancing classes. If the bride does want that it would be better to go with just a few close friends as a pre wedding holiday that they organise together.

I organised mine, I chatted to my two best friends about it and bounced ideas but I arranged it. My friends did plan some quizzes /games and a outfit (not jokey more activity appropriate) which was lovely

I can see that if it’s a night out but the more extravagant these weekends get the more I think the bride should contribute. By the time the hen do, wedding, hotel, outfit, gift etc etc people end up with the cost of a family holiday.

I dont disagree but people still go along and dont say no

A huge amount of effort?

wow…I mean I suppose that as you are part of the bridal party, you are close to her…I read “DS” so I assume you are the future DH’s mom?

It is unusual for the mom to organize…more of the best woman job normally but…if you said yes…I would do the best you can as it will start the relationship with her! I bet she will organize her future holidays don’t worry!

I think the whole idea of hen weekends should be ditched. I didn’t have one. A night out if you have to do something.

I had a group of friends round my house for a henna party, music and food. I booked 2 henna artists, one for me & one for guests to get their henna done. I bought a load of face packs & beauty treatments so people could gave a pamper session.

There wasn't any drama & minimal cost which was a bonus; people still compliment me about it being one of the nicest hen parties they've been to. It wasn't your traditional boozy hen do but that's not my style anyway.

That is exactly what I had at my hen do. This was back in early 2000s, so very low key and tame compared to today's expectations.

There is no need to have an expensive weekend abroad with a dozen others who you hardly know. I can imagine it must be very stressful and far from fun when you're on holiday with a dozen others you hardly know.

I’m a bride and I 100% agree with you !

I would rather organise my own hen really, rather than stress out others.
I would keep it simple, a meal and some drinks, maybe preceded by an activity such as bowling or something similar.
The cost should be reasonably modest so that all the attendees could afford it.

No way would I want or expect a hen weekend which, after reading some of the threads on here, are fraught with stress and unexpected costs. These weekends also exclude ladies with restricted finances and childcare issues. I would want my hen to be as inclusive and stress free as possible. 😁

Organise AND pay for.

YANBU
I couldn't be bothered with it. Too many friends who didn't know each other.
Then someone phoned me up "what's happening" within a couple of hours she talked me into having one with an ice breaker event before it and it wasn't too expensive either. It was one overnight.

I didn't want family or friends to be put out with £££ trips or tons of time away from their kids and time off work.

My sister and I both organised our own - they were simple and easy and required very little financial input. It’s f-ing ridiculous to expect other people to organise a group holiday/day out on your behalf (before you even get to the nutty ones who think the hen shouldn’t have to pay either!).

Free for the bride made sense when it was one night out dinner and drinks. If one part of a tradition changes, other parts should change as well.

I can’t believe women are willing to risk being out of pocket for these things. The entire premise of a giant group holiday is ridiculous, but if you are going to proceed, everyone needs to pay before anything is booked.

YABU for saying hen weekend. It should be hen NIGHT. You're indulging in this nonsense with your sister isn't helping.

I agree. Have always thought if I get married I would organise my own hen! Maybe people might think of a few surprises but I would feel bad someone busy having to organise it and create stress for them! Most of my friends have kids and busy lives. I would try and keep costs down, the most part really would be having all my friends together

I voted YANBU but it's really a bit of both imo. I do think it should be the bridesmaids who organise a hen do, but I don't think they should be such huge, expensive, complicated events. I hate this trend for whole weekends away or even mini holidays. I got married 9 months ago and my 2 bridesmaids planned it all and kept the details secret from me which was lovely. But they knew I only wanted a meal in a restaurant and drinks somewhere afterwards, and I did give them a list of who needed to be invited plus contact numbers so it wasn't complicated.
It's as if brides these days think no one else in the world has ever got married, when actually almost everyone does and you're not that special.