Have women become soft

I’m soft as a squishmallow.
Most women in the past (ie the silent generation and earlier) had to put up with so much shit and heartache.
but baby boomers? Nah, they had it fucking easy

Agree

I think this is correct, and in addition I'd say that our culture seems to encourage softness, complaining, and being a victim. It's a great way to get attention apart from anything else.

I read an article a while back on a related but different topic, and the author mentioned how in the past people would manage physical pain that today would be considered completely impossible to cope with. Not that I think it's great to experience pain (I am in the middle of a serious attack of piles at the moment and would willingly trade it for quite a lot of cash,) but it does seem that a lot of people don't seem to realize it is possible to function under very adverse circumstances if you really have to.

On MN alone, people post here everytime someone knocks on their door and ask if they should open it, because, well, who could it possibly be? All sort of emotions kick in and it’s such a spectacle.

Parenting is such a drama, because people today are the first generation ever to have children. It’s such an achievement and no one from previous generations has any idea how to raise children. How dare your mother or mother in law ever express any opinion about any aspect of your child’s life. And if, they dare give your 77.563738 month old a sip of coffee or tea or let the sniff any sweets, you must report them to social straightaway. Or get the said 77.563738 month old to do gargles.

Call 101 for everything. You hear that? Neighbour parked badly? Call 101. Husband didn’t put the bins out. Call 101. You broke a toenail? You get the picture.

Well I’m a social worker, have dc with Sen and ND, live with daily pain (arthritis and I’m 30), have no family support and was neglected growing up. The women of previous generations in my family may have had to wash a terry nappy (although I did use them just a couple of years ago but that’s my choice) but they had it far easier than I do. I was actually thinking earlier how much easier they had it and how soft my mum, grandmothers and aunts were, always moaning about how hard done to they were, despite being born into money. Soft and selfish the lot of them. What a waste.
I know that’s my family but it’s the same for my colleagues and friends. We all work stressful and impossible jobs, manage homes, dc and all sorts, with little to no help.

My social work colleagues, who are women, are the toughest and most resilient people I have ever known. Not many people can do that job and juggle life too. I doubt the women of past generations did that with no help from wider family/their village.

Most women of the past were Sahm able to buy a house on dh one salary. Had a village etc. Every single older woman I know had help raising dc and doing chores etc. They talk about going round to each other’s houses watching day time telly. Working jobs that were simple if they did work. My grandmother simply walked into her seamstress job after being shown how to use a machine by a neighbour. Health care was easily accessible, health visitors came round often and would carry out health care in the home. They walked to the green grocers but it was 5 mins away. The focus on dc was less intense and they sent dc out to play for hours from very young ages. Not many ran around catering for dc, playing with them, taking them to clubs etc. Dc went to school and were picked up that’s it…there was no constant stream of communication and school events. Dc had free lunches that every one was expected to eat, no pack lunches to do. Support staff picked up a lot of the extra needs stuff that parents now have to do. Dc got into special schools easily..no draining fight for ehcps and constant criticism if your dc struggled. I could probably go on all night pointing out examples….Maybe women seem softer today because we have it harder so we seem less resilient when we are on our knees.

It was tough but in a different way - a working class woman born in 1945 life would have been very different to ours, there was still an expectation that woman shouldn't work, the house should be spotless with no modern labour saving devices, no right to money of her own and husbands could get away with domestic abuse, plus there was still food rationing until the 1950's and food costed a lot more in terms of income. That said our lives in 2025 come with pressures of their own.

Completely agree!!

Yeah, I'm sure she'd have loved working 40 hours a week whilst doing school runs AND making a chicken last all week whilst not playing with her kids but still finding time to judge modern mums for being on their devices too much.

In her defence, its probably easier to pretend women were choosing to be tough by putting up with shit husbands because they because they had limited actual choices.

Women are slowly experiencing emancipation. Some of the disassociation or other avoidance or poor coping skills are being replaced by therapy and CBT. I think women are getting more capable and exercising more agency.

No I don’t. I think women deal with a whole load of
different challenges to women of that generation.

many women of that generation were housewife’s looking after the home (nothing wrong with that!)

in this generation a lot more women are single parents, or working parents as part of a team, juggling parenthood/looking after a home, working… sometimes being a whole
home. Doing all the jobs.

I don’t think we should challenge the past against the present.. both had their challenges and throughout I feel women have always on the whole remained strong.

I've just looked through the whole active threads list, and honestly the things people can't seem to deal with by themselves is mind boggling. I don't recall ever being asked by any of my friends most of the things people race onto MN to ask advice on - they can't even decide what to call their babies!!

There really do seem to be a lot of delicate flowers on here, and I agree with a pp that many children are being overly micromanaged and not being encouraged to develop resilience - just this week I read a similar comment from a clinical psychologist. People seem so frightened of everything.

I’m not sure that’s the best example, getting an appointment at my GP surgery is nigh on impossible! But I know what you mean.

Definitely. Life was much tougher decades ago. Now many people just moan about life admin instead including booking doctors appointments like it’s hard.

I think people on the whole have become softer and more precious.

I’m not saying the bulk of students NEED trigger warnings, but the fact they are deemed necessary for young adults exemplifies the educational approach of trying not to expose people to any discomfort. Until recently, nobody would have thought to question whether students should be warned about aspects of a topic they’d chosen to study. And the less people are exposed to difficult or uncomfortable situations, the less equipped they are likely to be to handle them.

And yes, a lot of people (the bulk of them women) were on benzos in the 60s and 70s, and it’s acknowledged now that many of them shouldn’t have been. But that was driven mainly by the medical profession, not the public. And it is thought to have been, in part, the result of doctors (then mostly male) putting certain women’s issues down to psychiatric disorders. (I fear some women are still having their problems dismissed in this way today.)

As someone with a long history of serious psychiatric illness, I’ve found the recent watering down of the meaning of mental illness incredibly frustrating. People now use the words ‘mental health’ in the same throwaway manner they have long used ‘depressed’. When people describe a bad day at work or an argument with a partner in terms of its impact on their mental health – which I do see people doing all the time online – it trivialises mental illness.

Yes but not just women - we're not called a "snowflake generation" for nothing 😆

I'm one of the toughest cookies I know! I might get upset and frustrated about things sometimes, but it doesn't last and I'm good at picking myself up, dusting myself down and getting on with what needs to be done!

I think what the Op is thinking of is effort in housework.
Dm is nearly 80.

She got a washing machine when I (#2) was born. Before that everything (including terry nappies) was done by hand. Even after she got the washing machine, some had to be hand washed.
No tumble drier so everything had to be hung out. And a lot needed ironing.
The hoover was heavy and no wheels. She'd often choose to use dustpan and brush over a carpet as it was easier if not too messy.
Shopping was done almost every day, and involved walking round the village (about 60-90 minutes) to the different shops that were in different parts.
No freezer, and only a small fridge so there wasn't food stored.
The (coal) fire had to be cleaned out and re-laid daily during the winter (tbf I think df often re-laid it, and at weekends also cleaned it)
No ready meals; everything was cooked from scratch.
No dishwasher (tbf dad did a certain amount)
Things were mended rather than new bought. I had socks that had more darn than original by the time dsis had finished with them.
Things were made rather than bought when possible (cakes/clothes etc)
Appliances were a lot heavier - she found her first iron in the roof a few years ago and it's really heavy compared to mine.

Sometimes when I'm sitting down, reading the internet, I think of dm. She used to give herself half an hour only to sit down at lunch. She loved to do a crossword, but often didn't have time. I have far more time than she did, despite working full time, which she didn't.

I'd rather have my life.

It depends what we mean by soft. Unable to cope or kind and sensitive?

I think as society has progressed from “back in her day” women are probably more assertive and are able to challenge the societal norms and evolve from being SAHMs and housewives that were once expected.

Pair that with the rise of incel culture and the current epidemic of violence against women it’s a very dangerous world for women currently. We’re not respected. We’re not treated fairly still.

I don’t think we’re “soft” no. I think we’re just more vocal and less tolerant to being treated unfairly that lots of women from her generation think is normal.

Humans are humans, how "hard" we are, is a reflection of our environment. Most of us adapt because we have to.

And they are then raising soft children. There are a lot of teenagers nowadays who have their lives micromanaged by parents - 13 year olds who can't be left at home alone for an hour, kids not allowed sleepovers until they turn 16, posters worrying about a 17 year old making a short bus journey alone and so on. Many teenagers are lacking basic self help skills and the ability to make any decisions themselves and they have no resilience.

I think this is the problem. With social media you only ever hear about the extreme 1% at the extreme. The 98 % somewhere in the middle just get on with things quietly. The vast majority of people are no softer or harder than they were 60 years ago.

When she says soft does she mean wet? Or does she mean kinder, less abrasive? Some of those women out scrubbing their doorsteps were tough cookies that’s for sure, the Ena Sharples types 😁

I'm tough. Single parent, three autistic children, one is higher functioning and often suicidal, other two have learning disabilities requiring life long care. I escaped an abusive marriage. I also have two other children, who are academically very able but obviously have to put up with having two learning disabled siblings. So my aim for them is to push them it to university and independent life. So I can live and die alone on my alter of fucking toughness