Have women become soft

Do you seriously think you do MORE than your grandmothers’ generation?

Do you know anyone in rl like this ?
I really don't.
Everyone I know in rl has vulnerable, irrational, emotional moments and times of real strength - both men and women.
I don't think MN reflects rl at all.

Wow, didn't read that thread. Useless rather than soft.

Depends on what you mean by soft really. Each generation will have its own benefits and challenges.
One things that is common across all generations is a feeling of superiority (obviously not every one does it)
In your example op an older person is stating how younger women are softer now and i know personally that some younger people may judge older people based on their perspectives and biases.
Its just what some people do.
Life is definitely more convenient now, but I'm not sure that it's easier than it was 50 years ago.

No clue, no clue at all. Are you one?
if not, please zip it.

I think its sexist propaganda designed to keep women putting up with harder situations than they need to so men can have easier lives. Your neighbour is of an age when women were more under control of men, so did more than they should because they had no choice. Now we do have choices, there needs to be a new way to keep our noses uncomplainingly at the grindstone. So enter - shame. We're princesses. We're soft. We're weak. We're not good enough. Invariably just because we want men to step up and do their share.

Too many these days can't cope. Can't cope with looking after children alone for 24 hours, can't manage to go to the shop during term time because they have the children to look after, can't cope because they have a toddler and have to walk a mile to take a 5 year old to school. We have men that can't cope with fatherhood, they either spend midweek evenings or whole days of the weekend out playing on their bikes or they walk out the door into the arms of another woman because the mother of their children asked them to load the dishwasher and empty the bin. Yes, i think we have gone very soft

Maybe but that one would be worth unpicking.

She was being derogatory about younger women, whilst waiting on her (presumably soft) daughter picking her up and taking her away for the weekend. I wouldn’t be too sure she’s worth a 2nd listen. OP you do realise she was also describing you?

My mum was a teenager during the war.she lamented the lack of nice clothes,sweets and treats and being sent to live with an Aunt miles away! This only lasted 2 weeks as she was homesick.DGM was struggling with running a house on rations.life is easier in many ways now of course, but people struggle differently, Thete is more pressure to work a d care for DC, less respect for women and girls

My mother and I are softies compared to the generation before. My granny's had no electricity until 1950s (rural Ireland), no flush toilets and no appliances. One granny was a farmer and did her own butchery too.
Washing clothes by hand, scrubbing floors, cooking on peat fired ranges and killing your own chicken for dinner is hard. They were tough women who rarely complained and had serious arthritis making all the manual labour hard.
I think of them every time I get someone to load the dishwasher for me as my arthritis is making it hard to bend.

I think that they were probably physically stronger and fitter, all thst walking and no washing machines etc.

But I don't really think they were much more mentally resilient. Valium was huge in the 50s. Gin was called mothers little helper lots of people smoked.

I used to chop kindling with an axe as a kid in the 1950s. I’m not ‘hard’, but I think I’m fairly resilient. Having to light a coal fire first thing, often the only source of heat and hot water is not for the faint hearted.

My mum was widowed in her 50s, after not having had a job after marriage. Although my dad had a good job, they never bought a house, and there was no company pension. She got a widow’s pension, but it wasn’t much so she went out cleaning. She would have considered herself better off than many widows or abandoned wives (divorce was rare) in previous generations, who ended up in the workhouse. No universal credit or PIP.

DH often used to work away for days at a time when our DC were babies, two under under two. Housework, cooking and even shopping was much more arduous 50 years ago. Getting our first auto washing machine, first freezer and microwave were events, and central heating is the norm now, not the exception. So I understand where the OPs neighbour is coming from. I’m pleased however that over my lifetime women have had far more freedoms, more choice in terms of careers, and whether or not to have babies!

I thought of that thread too. When DF was born, his mum raised him for months alone before his dad even met him because he was off on a military tour. She just got on with it.

The woman yesterday was outraged that her husband was going to be away visiting his elderly and unwell mother for one day, and how did he expect her to cope.

Maybe she was talking about parenting style? I can see how an 80 year old might think mums are much softer these days.

I think she's right.

Alot of older women have a real no nonsense attitude. But i don't think 'going soft' is a bad thing because some of them were not very nice in the workplace etc.

Somewhere in between would be a happy medium

Could be a bit of internalised misogyny coming from your neighbour. Women have become softer? It’s a shame you didn’t get to ask her what she thinks about men?

We aren't talking about kids like your DD, the majority don't struggle - or wouldn't if they were taught to develop a bit of resilience.

I'm sorry your DD is struggling, but why oh why do posters come on threads like this to say. but, but. but ..............

Resilience is an interesting point to bring up actually, and I come from this from the opposite standpoint.
my DD has always been aware of death and trauma, her sister died before she was born so she has always been aware that death is part of life.
ie I haven’t shielded her from anything - I have had a mental breakdown due to PTSD, which led to redundancy; me and her Dad split up when she was young - see the above.
i haven’t ever expected special treatment for her, until she started displaying very obvious ASD traits, and she clearly masked them until she came home to me and had melt downs.
i try to teach her resilience, as do her DD & DSD but that can only go so far if she can’t mentally cope with it.
if you don’t have experience of kids that struggle, please don’t comment.

Well, it depends on the meaning really - I was brought up by a single Mum who worked, so I was brought up knowing how to budget alongside everything else - my DD12 can make herself a salad or ready meal but wouldn’t make a meal for herself; that is my failing as a Mum though as I should have been teaching her well before now, as my Mum did for us.
soft? I’m not so sure about that - if that means being able to talk about feelings, then yes I hope so.
both my Gran and Grandma actually lived through horrible marriages & lives (which I found out about after they had died). I’d rather be seen as ‘soft’ for not putting up and shutting up with some of the treatment that my Grans went through.

OMG couldn’t have said it better myself. You absolutely nailed it.

I think it’s a complete lack of resiliency at times, entitlement as being heard means getting what you want (it doesn’t) and never letting kids deal with bad stuff.

And the need to catastrophise - it isn’t a mental health issue if you are feeling a bit down one day.

I think people are less resilient and less willing to tough it out.

yep , there’s always one .

Yawn ....... (very apt username btw).

I agree. Just look at all the competitive hygiene posts on here, showering 2+ times a day, washing towels and garments after every wear, they couldn't possibly do without that. Those people wouldn't cope at all in the face of a natural disaster or some other catastrophe, and goodness knows how many would cope if they had to give/rely on help from complete strangers, who they would let nowhere near them in normal circumstances. You are so right about so many having next to no common sense or ability to problem solve - all you have to do is read many of the current threads on MN.

I often wonder how people would survive if they lost the "creature comforts". Not many would be able to keep themselves alive, not least of which because they have next to no common sense or ability to problem solve. Having no other options makes people resourceful and capable. There's still people these days with those skills but a lot of modern society relies on others to carry them along.