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Original poster

DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

338 replies

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:47

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 09/05/2025 23:33

To say nothing of the thought of your Dh discussing your sex life with his mother. That's utterly grim and would be the end for me. What the f was he thinking? 😩

Defender90 · 09/05/2025 23:31

So selfish and I don’t even have the words. The thought he’s made his mother involved (I pray she didn’t know his motive) but he sounds like his needs come before anything else.

campertess · 09/05/2025 23:30

sprigatito · 09/05/2025 20:51

What the hell were you supposed to be grateful for? None of this was for your benefit. MIL wanted to play Mummy with your baby, and H wanted to dress you up like a sex doll and have a dirty weekend whether you felt up to it or not.

They are both revolting, and you are not unreasonable to be hurt and angry. Don’t let them bamboozle you into thinking any of this is your fault.

This!!

BigHeadBertha · 09/05/2025 23:30

I think marriage counseling would be the best way forward. Your husband seems like he seriously lacks sensitivity and thinking of anyone but himself, and that's even before bringing his mommy in for reinforcement behind your back.

He simply has a lot to learn and instead of listening, now he calls you names and stomps out, leaving you to worry about where he is.

Very poor behavior and he just keeps at it. Good for you for putting your foot down. His mommy needs to stay home and mind her own business.

EggnogNoggin · 09/05/2025 23:25

One of the first times I've been speechless on MM in years.

I cannot believe he is trying to retain any moral high ground for prising you away from your baby against your will and trying to dress you up to his liking for sex when he knows you don't want any of that.

It's jaw dropping how selfish he has been. Imagine how cared for you'd have felt if he'd just cooked you dinner, ran you a bath and bought you some new pjs and body lotion. But no, sex for him is a higher priority than trying to care for the mother of his child, whose body and mind has undergone a thousand changes to give him the family he was all in for starting.

What a taker he is.

Numberfish · 09/05/2025 23:25

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:47

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

Congratulations on your baby! I took ages to make love again because I’d had a bad birth, close to dying. If DH had even once pressured me, despite the steam coming out of his ears sometimes, it would have taken a whole lot longer. The idea that he’d rope his MOTHER in to getting his needs satisfied, and then name calling like that for not being ready to start the whole pregnancy risk again would have me beyond raging. At best they were clumsy and terribly selfish and pushy. But name calling like that is a real issue. I’d get mum on your side if you think she’s human, explain how you’re devoted to the baby. If she’s the cause of your husband’s narcissism, stay well clear and ask him how much sex he’d want if a bowling ball had just come out the end of his penis. Offer to arrange this happening if he’s not sufficiently sympathetic.

Jadebanditchillipepper · 09/05/2025 23:22

If my husband did this, I'd be leaving him (or kicking him out - he would probably be happier living with Mummy). What an utter cockwomble

TheWickerHare · 09/05/2025 23:22

Hope you're OK OP. You're doing a wonderful job, it's a very very hard time for a first time mum. Do not feel pressured to have sex, it's still very early days.

I hope you have some support from elsewhere. Let him sulk. You and baby are what's most important.

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 09/05/2025 23:21

Given that he's the one who already wants to resume the sexual side of your relationship, why was he buying you a tacky outfit?

Shouldn't he have been buying himself a sexy outfit, in order to seduce you?

YYYDlilah · 09/05/2025 23:17

Me too. See a divorce lawyer @BeccaBoo9 .

PlugInBabyM · 09/05/2025 23:15

I don’t understand people like this. Sex isn’t THAT important that it’s worth potentially ruining your marriage over. Does he have form for being manipulative and controlling?

You don’t even need to ask if you are being unreasonable, OP. This post was grim. I think it is grounds for divorce

Londog · 09/05/2025 23:15

Ugh , gives me the ick.. look after only yourself , it’s all new, emotional and overwhelming having a baby - the last thing you want to be doing is a frigging striptease in a hotel room ffs xx 😘

LBFseBrom · 09/05/2025 23:15

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

I agree.

Chinnuy · 09/05/2025 23:12

nopineapplepizza · 09/05/2025 22:27

He used the actions from his FAILED relationship with the mother of his first DC as evidence of what you should be emulating now to make your relationship work; is he thick?

He treated his first coparent in a way that made her never want to have sex with him again, clearly because the relationship ended, and presumably they’ve never had sex again 🙄

So you can add stupid to his list of attributes, and as for his wanna-be pimp of a mother; WTAF was she thinking??

Show quote history

Spot on. What a strange and inappropriate comparison for him to make.

@BeccaBoo9 how old was his first kid when the relationship ended?

jeaux90 · 09/05/2025 23:09

This verges on the sociopathic. He and the MIL planned this for him, something you don’t want and now doesn’t want to take the consequences of being a selfish asshole.

He is gross.

Littlejellyuk · 09/05/2025 23:05

Have you got relatives on your side, such as parents or siblings or close friends? 🤔

So that you can have some support, away from dumb and dumber? 🤦‍♀️

Cherryicecreamx · 09/05/2025 23:05

I'd be so offended - buying me a skimpy outfit and a hotel for the night presumably for the hope of sex after you've told him how you've felt. Seems very pressuring.

namechangetheworld · 09/05/2025 23:02

You're a better person than me OP, I wouldn't have set foot out the door. Awkwardness be damned.

hypnovic · 09/05/2025 22:59

WooleyMunky · 09/05/2025 21:41

High colonic?

Show quote history

Couples therapy perhaps..both will make him squirm and I predict the same level of sh!t to come out of him with either.

menopausalfart · 09/05/2025 22:55

So they expected you to leave your child for the night just to service his needs?
Bollocks.

Littlejellyuk · 09/05/2025 22:55

nopineapplepizza · 09/05/2025 22:27

He used the actions from his FAILED relationship with the mother of his first DC as evidence of what you should be emulating now to make your relationship work; is he thick?

He treated his first coparent in a way that made her never want to have sex with him again, clearly because the relationship ended, and presumably they’ve never had sex again 🙄

So you can add stupid to his list of attributes, and as for his wanna-be pimp of a mother; WTAF was she thinking??

Show quote history

Wanna be pimp of a mother....
This line is epic and now lives in my head rent-free.
Bravo 👏 this made my LOL so much 😆

HaveTeaWillSurvive · 09/05/2025 22:51

Fuck sake I’m furious on your behalf, over my dead body would I have gone. I’d have maayyybbbeee given them the benefit of the doubt and said it was a misguided attempt to do a nice thing if he hadn’t doubled down on it after the fact and taken the huff. You are 100% nbu and I’m so sorry your OH is such a massive twat. You need to sit him down and calmly tell him to give his head a wobble.

backtoworkcat · 09/05/2025 22:49

nopineapplepizza · 09/05/2025 22:27

He used the actions from his FAILED relationship with the mother of his first DC as evidence of what you should be emulating now to make your relationship work; is he thick?

He treated his first coparent in a way that made her never want to have sex with him again, clearly because the relationship ended, and presumably they’ve never had sex again 🙄

So you can add stupid to his list of attributes, and as for his wanna-be pimp of a mother; WTAF was she thinking??

Show quote history

Excellent post @nopineapplepizza
@BeccaBoo9please do not let this selfish idiot and his mother make you feel bad 💐

Vaxtable · 09/05/2025 22:48

What is it with men not understanding what women go through.

I always remember an actress in a film( Look whose talking) telling the block you try squeezing something the size of a melon out of a hole the size of an orange

add in hormones, tiredness and the rest it makes me cross he’s on,y thinking of himself

so I would leave him with the baby all day at the weekend and go and do something for myself, even booking a hotel room just to sleep!

Hankunamatata · 09/05/2025 22:48

Well he totally missed that up.

How old is baby?