DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

What are you talking about?! They obviously meant well for HIM, her needs or wants weren’t even considered. Should she agree to his request for an ‘open marriage’ in order for it to survive? You seem to be suggesting she should acquiesce in every area in order to hold onto this misogynistic, selfish man child. This is the 21st century, women don’t need to put up with this shit anymore.

DH and MiL are idiots but meant well. It sounds as if you need some couple counselling because you are heading towards a sexless marriage. If childbirth was traumatic and this is making sex problematic then you may need to see your GP?

And if you are not breastfeeing a week-end without DC is a good idea - at least if you want your marriage to survive.

@ThatDaringEagle has made good points. And I am not a man! No sex for several months, because of pregnancy, childbirth and child-care is a long time for both partners in a loving relationship. From OP's DH's pov the relationship needs a kick start - and I think he was right.

From OP's reaction she is suffering post-natal depression and needs some help in what is becoming a disfunctional relationship.

Some of the reactions suggests that some people see sex in a marriage as servicing a man - which is deeply unfeminist IMO, suggesting a woman is a support person not a person in her own right who likes sex and needs some help getting it back.

DH and MiL are idiots but meant well. It sounds as if you need some couple counselling because you are heading towards a sexless marriage. If childbirth was traumatic and this is making sex problematic then you may need to see your GP?

And if you are not breastfeeing a week-end without DC is a good idea - at least if you want your marriage to survive.

I'm a guy & a proud & loving father, and I consider some of the reactions to this post ridiculously over the top, tbh.

Firstly, from a guy's pof what did DH do?. He took the initiative to book a nice romantic night away, with his post natal partner, to get away from baby for 1 night. He arranged the child's grandmother to look after baby, which was considerate to all imho. And he bought some sexy underwear as he probably thought it may help himself & his OH to get back feeling sexy & help revive relations between them on their only night away for maybe the past 6-8 months!. And that's it!!

I think he was actually trying to be quite thoughtful & considerate tbh.

I fully accept that this may not have been what is OH wanted at this juncture, but all he was probably trying to do was to encourage her maybe to get to the next stage. Was that really all that terrible?....

So he was a little previous & possibly the underwear was a step too far, but so what?

OP you're fully entitled to react to that initiative by your OH whatever way you like, but fwiw I think you should chat to him and say while you really appreciated the gesture, and the organising it was all just a little too soon for you. AND then, leave it at that!!

P.s. some of the reactions here are so angry, over reactive and OTT as to be completely unhelpful & counterproductive imho.

E.g. Do not book something you know your OH world hate to make your point. That's just vindictive, self justifying, expensive, folly and will only damage your relationship going forward. It's probably suggested by posters on here who have either none, unhappy or very one sided relationships with their partners imho.

P.p.s try to think positively about this whole experience e.g. that months or years from now both of ye will be able to laugh at each other's thinking and reactions, and how what your OH thought you would like was just like a really awkward moment of couple misunderstanding for you...

I'd share this thought with him too, it might help him see the lighter side of all of this after going to all the bother of booking a night away, organising his mother to stay over & babysit , and probably building himself up for reviving relations between the pair of ye.... only to see it all blow up in his face!!
(OH the joys of fatherhood!!:)) )

Good luck!

given the rest of the post it is surprisingly insightful of you not to say you’re also a wonderful partner. In case you want to upgrade to averagely decent partner one day, please remember that if your wife has clearly said she does not want to do x, then you organising x for the two of you because you want x is not kind or loving or generous or caring it is just really self centred and uncaring. Also, why do you give him points for organising his mum to look after the baby? He wanted the baby out of the way for the night, his mum was clearly by far the easiest option since she was keen, he could hardly have been lower effort here except by just putting the baby in the cot and walking out the door. Which even this idiot knew not to do.

How sexy do you feel if someone buys you an outfit that is:

• at least a size too small for you
• something you've never indicated you'd be comfortable wearing...

Imagine that you've already made it quite clear that you're not ready to do something your partner would like you to do.

How supported, listened to, considered do you feel if your partner then sets you up for basically a fait accompli, cornering you into doing that thing? Where if you object or refuse, you are then made to look like an ungrateful arsehole.

All of what the OP's husband and MIL did, only seems 'nice' or 'thoughtful and considerate' if you overlook the fact that he has utterly ignored how his wife actually feels.

Is it really 'thoughtful and considerate' in your world to ignore someones feelings?

Thoughtful and considerate would look like asking his wife if she'd like perhaps a meal out, whilst MIL babysits for a few hours.

It would look like listening to what she wants to do and what she feels comfortable with, and then respecting that, not pushing for more.

I'm a guy & a proud & loving father, and I consider some of the reactions to this post ridiculously over the top, tbh.

Firstly, from a guy's pof what did DH do?. He took the initiative to book a nice romantic night away, with his post natal partner, to get away from baby for 1 night. He arranged the child's grandmother to look after baby, which was considerate to all imho. And he bought some sexy underwear as he probably thought it may help himself & his OH to get back feeling sexy & help revive relations between them on their only night away for maybe the past 6-8 months!. And that's it!!

I think he was actually trying to be quite thoughtful & considerate tbh.

I fully accept that this may not have been what is OH wanted at this juncture, but all he was probably trying to do was to encourage her maybe to get to the next stage. Was that really all that terrible?....

So he was a little previous & possibly the underwear was a step too far, but so what?

OP you're fully entitled to react to that initiative by your OH whatever way you like, but fwiw I think you should chat to him and say while you really appreciated the gesture, and the organising it was all just a little too soon for you. AND then, leave it at that!!

P.s. some of the reactions here are so angry, over reactive and OTT as to be completely unhelpful & counterproductive imho.

E.g. Do not book something you know your OH world hate to make your point. That's just vindictive, self justifying, expensive, folly and will only damage your relationship going forward. It's probably suggested by posters on here who have either none, unhappy or very one sided relationships with their partners imho.

P.p.s try to think positively about this whole experience e.g. that months or years from now both of ye will be able to laugh at each other's thinking and reactions, and how what your OH thought you would like was just like a really awkward moment of couple misunderstanding for you...

I'd share this thought with him too, it might help him see the lighter side of all of this after going to all the bother of booking a night away, organising his mother to stay over & babysit , and probably building himself up for reviving relations between the pair of ye.... only to see it all blow up in his face!!
(OH the joys of fatherhood!!:)) )

Good luck!

I'm a guy & a proud & loving father, and I consider some of the reactions to this post ridiculously over the top, tbh.

Firstly, from a guy's pof what did DH do?. He took the initiative to book a nice romantic night away, with his post natal partner, to get away from baby for 1 night. He arranged the child's grandmother to look after baby, which was considerate to all imho. And he bought some sexy underwear as he probably thought it may help himself & his OH to get back feeling sexy & help revive relations between them on their only night away for maybe the past 6-8 months!. And that's it!!

I think he was actually trying to be quite thoughtful & considerate tbh.

I fully accept that this may not have been what is OH wanted at this juncture, but all he was probably trying to do was to encourage her maybe to get to the next stage. Was that really all that terrible?....

So he was a little previous & possibly the underwear was a step too far, but so what?

OP you're fully entitled to react to that initiative by your OH whatever way you like, but fwiw I think you should chat to him and say while you really appreciated the gesture, and the organising it was all just a little too soon for you. AND then, leave it at that!!

P.s. some of the reactions here are so angry, over reactive and OTT as to be completely unhelpful & counterproductive imho.

E.g. Do not book something you know your OH world hate to make your point. That's just vindictive, self justifying, expensive, folly and will only damage your relationship going forward. It's probably suggested by posters on here who have either none, unhappy or very one sided relationships with their partners imho.

P.p.s try to think positively about this whole experience e.g. that months or years from now both of ye will be able to laugh at each other's thinking and reactions, and how what your OH thought you would like was just like a really awkward moment of couple misunderstanding for you...

I'd share this thought with him too, it might help him see the lighter side of all of this after going to all the bother of booking a night away, organising his mother to stay over & babysit , and probably building himself up for reviving relations between the pair of ye.... only to see it all blow up in his face!!
(OH the joys of fatherhood!!:)) )

Good luck!

He eventually turned up at gone 11 last night so obviously stayed in the pub for closing as he was pissed.

He blurted out a question about whether I’d consider an open relationship until I’m feeling up to it. When I told him to fuck off he backtracked and said he told ‘them’ it would be a stupid idea and he didn’t mean it. So someone put him up to it.

Thanks for the many supportive comments last night, I am going to go back through and read the past few pages.

He eventually turned up at gone 11 last night so obviously stayed in the pub for closing as he was pissed.

He blurted out a question about whether I’d consider an open relationship until I’m feeling up to it. When I told him to fuck off he backtracked and said he told ‘them’ it would be a stupid idea and he didn’t mean it. So someone put him up to it.

Thanks for the many supportive comments last night, I am going to go back through and read the past few pages.

I agree. However considering some of the things on here which leave posters “crying and shaking” I’d say that being coerced by two people you should be able to trust entirely into leaving your baby for a night of male fantasy serving sex is closer to justifying tears than most.

Its plain from the description that this was entirely about him and his wants with zero thought for the woman with whom he has chosen to have a child. I’d struggle to get a relationship back on track after that kind of loss of trust, largely because it tells you so much about the man.

I think the poster was just trying to highlight how frustrating it is to read this stuff and it really is. I don't think the poster is actually sitting there crying. 😕

Don’t be so utterly dramatic! Talk about an overreaction. It’s shitty what they did, yes but crying!? 🤣

Gosh, this thread is so vitriolic

Men feel love and connection through sex. I can understand not wanting to but it’s not like he’s weird for wanting sex with you! 3 months is a long time. In his shoes wouldn’t you feel rejected and unloved? I know I would if my man didn’t want to have sex for 3 months