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Original poster

DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

338 replies

BeccaBoo9 · 09/05/2025 20:47

I gave birth a few months ago (first time Mum) and have found it extremely challenging but rewarding too. It has strained mine and DH’s relationship slightly in terms of the sleepless nights but we expected that and no one has crossed the line in terms of comments.

There has been little to no intimacy since the birth mainly due to me, DH is still up for it but I’ve told him I need some time to build up my confidence again.

One thing I’ve always been clear on to DH is that I don’t feel ready to leave our DC with someone else overnight yet.

Last Saturday, his MIL turned up at ours out of the blue. She told me she’d booked DH and I a night away at a country hotel and that she’d look after our DC. She said it was only a 30 minute drive so we were still relatively close by.

I really didn’t want to go but felt awkward to decline and pressurised into going. We packed and set off, I told DH I felt uncomfortable and that if I didn’t feel up to staying after the meal, I’d want to go home without staying.

When we checked in, DH told me he had got me a present and had a bag behind his back. In this was a skimpy outfit and he said it was for me to wear that night. Now he knows that has never been my thing and the outfit in question was at least a size too small, there’s no way I’d have got in to it (irrelevant as I didn’t feel comfortable).

Anyway, we ended up coming home after the meal as I was a mess and my MIL looked extremely unimpressed when we turned up.

We’ve had several rows about it this week, I’ve really had a go at him for going behind my back and doing this. He called me an ungrateful cow earlier and stormed out so I don’t have a clue where he is now (the pub, probably)

OP posts:
OVienna · 09/05/2025 21:47

The fucking kit - i would have made him wear it.

Purpleturtle43 · 09/05/2025 21:46

Oh dear, that was a really silly thing for them to come up with together. You would think his Mum would know better!

NotmeMother · 09/05/2025 21:42

NotmeMother · 09/05/2025 21:30

Ask your dad to take your OH out for a night to get a prostitute/escort!

Not a serious suggestion more a comparison of what husband did.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 09/05/2025 21:42

Fucking hell. What the hell did I just read???

a few months old baby and they’re pushing you to leave your baby so he can get a shag.

He got his mum involved?! Yuck.

And the outfit - I just have no words. How can you ever be attracted to him again 🤢

PotatoBreadForTheWin · 09/05/2025 21:41

Can’t believe 6% of people think you are being unreasonable 🙄🙄🙄

WooleyMunky · 09/05/2025 21:41

candycane222 · 09/05/2025 20:49

Book him something he doesn't want (crochet lessons? A full body wax?) and call him an ungrateful bastard when he turns it down.

High colonic?

DrJump · 09/05/2025 21:41

Awful behaviour. I would be furious with them.
I'm really sorry your husband is being suck a jerk and your mother in law is supporting him.

Sugargliderwombat · 09/05/2025 21:41

Urgh. Id have the ick for a very, very, very long time now.

Scottishskifun · 09/05/2025 21:40

Your MIL sounds like she's misplaced, your DH is a complete idiot!

The conversation should be about you feeling comfortable, your recovery and reconnecting at the pace which your comfortable with and you communicate over.

I didn't have sex for 7 months after DS1 I had birth trauma and was exhausted, my husband respected my boundaries but I also explained how I was feeling and why. He never applied pressure or produced a sexy outfit.

You need a conversation with your DH in a adult way and he has to come to the table about it.

PotatoBreadForTheWin · 09/05/2025 21:40

sprigatito · 09/05/2025 20:51

What the hell were you supposed to be grateful for? None of this was for your benefit. MIL wanted to play Mummy with your baby, and H wanted to dress you up like a sex doll and have a dirty weekend whether you felt up to it or not.

They are both revolting, and you are not unreasonable to be hurt and angry. Don’t let them bamboozle you into thinking any of this is your fault.

Nailed it.

Cherrysoup · 09/05/2025 21:39

Knittedfairies2 · 09/05/2025 20:48

Your husband and his mother are idiots.

First response has it, as usual. Jeez!

blackgreenandgrey · 09/05/2025 21:38

yuk! glad you came home. Hope your DH comes to his senses and sorts his mum out too. Do you know whose brain child this whole idea was? what where they thinking? Esp DH?

JayJayj · 09/05/2025 21:37

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can’t understand why so many men only think of themselves in these situations.

We didn’t even try to have sex until 3 months PP, we had to stop as it was so uncomfortable. Managed again a month later. Even then we only had sex ever couple of months. Partly postpartum depression, exhaustion and myself just generally not in the mood. My daughter is now 2 and a half and I got my sex drive back a couple of months ago.

Not once have we had an argument about lack of intimacy.

This is just a right now situation not a forever one. He really needs a reality check.

Also do not let them pressure you into leaving your baby when you aren’t ready. We have only just let her stop out recently. I definitely wasn’t ready before.

socks1107 · 09/05/2025 21:37

Yanbu at all. His mum and him sound awful

Zanzara · 09/05/2025 21:35

NotmeMother · 09/05/2025 21:30

Ask your dad to take your OH out for a night to get a prostitute/escort!

I rarely swear, but WTF?

BakelikeBertha · 09/05/2025 21:33

I think in your shoes OP, I would have said 'Thank you MIL, it's very thoughtful of you to have paid for us to have a weekend away, but unfortunately, you son has clearly neglected to tell you that I am nowhere near ready to leave my baby yet, so I'm afraid you'll have to either make use of the hotel yourself, or accept that you should have checked with ME first!! Then walked out and gone to my bedroom.

As for your husband, I can't believe how stupid and selfish he was to do that, but I sure as hell would be making him wait MUCH longer before resuming a sex life with him, after this. If he complains, tell him that's what his right hand is for!!

almostbloody50 · 09/05/2025 21:33

So he essentially wanted sex and this was his way of getting it. What a hideous move.

Imisscoffee2021 · 09/05/2025 21:31

So having sex is more important to him than your comfort, and your new born comfort? I presume the baby is 3 months or less by your post but even if older, you have a say in when you leave them and shouldn't be ambushed! Also, his mum must be privy to some private information about your intimacy which is gross in the extreme.

You're still postpartum, it's completely normal not to have the energy or urge to be intimate. I read alot of these threads and cant believe how common it is :( for him to escalate things to this dramatic ambush wrapped up as a treat for you, disrespecting your feelings and your need to be with your baby, who also needs you close, is reprehensible.

StrongandNorthern · 09/05/2025 21:31

Knittedfairies2 · 09/05/2025 20:48

Your husband and his mother are idiots.

This.

NotmeMother · 09/05/2025 21:30

Ask your dad to take your OH out for a night to get a prostitute/escort!

FeatheredBreast · 09/05/2025 21:30

delurked · 09/05/2025 20:50

Yuck. He wanted a shag so roped his mum in and emotionally pressured you into spending a night away from your young baby then presented you with an outfit to be worn for his pleasure and behaved like a dick when you decided you wanted to be home with your baby not performing sexual favours for him in a hotel. What a prick.

Great summary!

Artrunner · 09/05/2025 21:27

Is this real, do people actually behave like this? ( there is another thread about MIL lingerie shopping). Stop the planet i want to get off

MissFancyDay · 09/05/2025 21:25

I could cry for you Op. That was just such a shitty thing to do by both of them. I wouldn't blame you if you never felt like having sex with him again.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 09/05/2025 21:25

He's a selfish sod and his mummy is desperate to be involved by 'helping' so has jumped at the chance. I'd be absolutely furious that they'd planned it together and sickened that he's bleating to her about your sex life. I'd set boundaries with her immediately that you will not be leaving baby until you choose and you won't hear a word about it again and with him...I'd struggle to get past it.

lessglittermoremud · 09/05/2025 21:22

TheMVPSTurningmyheartbeatup · 09/05/2025 21:15

The thread I was referring to the DH got the mil to take the dw lingerie shopping and turns out it was very awkward for the Dw for obvious reasons.

I remember that one too the MIL suggested something that covered her stomach because the DH had told his mother that the reason he was getting any was that his wife didn’t like her stomach after having the baby…
OP you are not being at all unreasonable, you had already said you weren’t ready and they pressured you to go.
A meal out for an hour or two is totally different to a night away, and instead of packing you some lovely bubble bath, maybe some chocolates and a good book so you could catch up on some rest, if you had decided to stay, he packed a ‘sexy’ piece of nightwear…. Grim.