DH and MIL blindsided me with weekend away - was I wrong to kick off

Yes and this is why the husband could’ve and should’ve had a sensitive discussion about his needs rather than totally ignore hers. The husband is being shamed for elevating his sexual needs above the needs of his wife (a vulnerable woman) and his newborn child. You seem to repeatedly ignore the context of this issue which enables you to feel justified in putting the blame on the OP. Please stop doing this.

And I don’t care how energised sex feels for an individual or how therapeutic it is if comes about through force or guilt or any other form of abuse. You mention narcissism - I would say the husband who can’t empathise with his 5 week post partum wife is way closer to that definition than a woman who hasn’t has sex for 5 weeks because she’s been through a lot physically and mentally.

I hope you take your posts being reported by other members of the group and deleted by admin as a chance to reflect.

Please go and post this utter drivel somewhere more appropriate, such as an Andrew Tate appreciation thread. You've come pretty close to accusing OP of narcissistic abuse towards her utter cunt of a husband. The fact that you are on his side with no empathy and understanding for the post-partum OP has shown us all what sort of person you are and it really isn't pretty.

Op please don’t listen to any of Isabellivi’s posts. They are obviously a troll as they’ve bombarded and derailed the thread with their endless incel rubbish. Admin have deleted one post I reported but baffling have left the other very similar posts.
But as you can see, no one else agrees with them.
You absolutely do not owe your husband sex. He has behaved appallingly and I hope you are okay

JFC she’s not withholding sex as control or abuse - she’s had a baby ffs

It’s nothing to do with your previous narcissistic relationship which is completely blinding you to the facts here

You must be on a wind up because no one can possibly be this obtuse

So to summarise for all the new folks reading this thread....
OP's hubby has been....
A PROPER CUNT.

THATS IT REALLY.

I’ve reported your posts as verging on abusive to a vulnerable woman.
Stop posting your incel rubbish.
You are repeatedly implying that women owe men sex and you are completely wrong and dangerous.

Ok but there are people who feel energized by sex and it can be a stress relief

It’s fine that you are not one of those people but there are many who feel differently. They deserve to be heard instead of shamed

Yes, serious reasons are good reasons. But ask anyone who’s experienced narcissistic abuse -holding sex and affection is very common and it can even be sadistic

i don’t think op is doing it deliberately but being aware of others pain, not only yourself, is how a non narcissistic person would think. As for a mood disorder this makes people hyper auto focus to the point where they believe they’re a victim and everyone is wrong

To be absolutely clear, a woman ‘withholding’ sex because she’s just had a baby IS NOT EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

Guilting, pressuring or forcing your wife into sex when she doesn’t want to is. No matter how much sex you’ve had before or how ‘compatible ’ you may have been. I would say the same if a man had a physical or physiological reason for abstaining.

I promise you we aren't all like that! Male perspective here, but with two under 2's (admittedly a little older now). I couldn't even imagine how that could be a mans priority. My wife's mental and physical health is top of the list along with my kids getting the care and support they need. I will be the first to hold my hand up and say that my wife does more than me for the kids, although I do try and do as much as I can.

But even with what I do I am exhausted 99% of the time, I cant even imagine how she feels so getting a bit of sexy time is a million miles down the list!

I genuinely think there is something wrong with your moral compass if that is what you believe. So after a difficult birth or cancer treatment or a devastating life event such as a bereavement, if a woman doesn't go straight back to having regular sex, her husband is perfectly entitled to sleep with other women?

If these husbands are so selfish and have such a lack of empathy, they should do their wives a favour and end the marriage, leaving their wives free to find a kind and supportive partner without such hideous views

Your attitude and beliefs are what has lead to the most disgusting and mediocre men believing that sex with women, even unwilling women, is a human right and they will use rape, sexual assault, coercion and blackmail to do this.

Agree. Don’t worry that she’s pushed a human being out of her vagina that still looks like it’s done 10 rounds with Tyson Fury, she’s barely slept for months and her life is completely consumed with keeping a tiny human alive - she should be doing her womanly duty to get her knickers off for her sulking husband regardless of how absolutely knackered she feels

Won’t someone think of the poor men and their hard done by dicks.

Its like Andrew Tate has joined this thread ffs

You are out of your mind, sorry. All of this BS when the baby is 3 months, god…

Do you think saying I am not ready for sex at 3 months post partum makes it a sexless marriage? I wasn’t. With any of our 3dc. I assure my husband is much happier and has a much more fulfilling life in his home with us than if he’d said I didn’t sign up for this sexless marriage 3 months after dc1 was born and pissed off while I was recovering from my 100+ stitches.

woukd you say the same if it was cancer and someone wasn’t up for sex for months while undergoing chemo? Is that different? Should everyone who’s partner can’t have sex for a couple if months run and out and fuck someone else because that’s fair? Do your friends agree with this? I think you’d find you’re the one being judged if you shared this opinion in real life, because it’s pretty horrible. That someone might marry someone, make vows saying through thikc or thin, for better or worse, then if their partner goes through a life changing event like pregnancy and birth, if that means sex is off the table for a few months, that same someone should chuck all those vows and go sleep around. Most people don’t think that way. Most people who follow your advice will find themselves, very appropriately, divorced very quickly. Like the ops dh.

When you get into a marriage it’s generally on the understanding you both remain monogamous - unless of course it was always an open marriage.

If someone isn’t satisfied and they want sex with someone else, because the other person has had a life changing event and are readjusting, and not feeling up to sex - the half decent thing would be to do is accept you don’t love them enough to be patient and just leave rather ask them for an open marriage.

Especially in this situation where the marriage hasn’t been “sexless” long term eg. Years - and the main issue is the man has just displayed an extraordinary lack of patience and consideration.

He kicked off by compared her unfavourably to his ex which was at best daft considering that relationship ended shortly after, but also very nasty to OP. I mean what a way to encourage insecurity?!

Then he tried to put her on the spot by compelling her to do two things she wasn’t ready for on the same night - leaving her baby and having sex. Again, foolish at best but also potentially distressing for OP. Then he insults her for not going along with his selfish plans

And to throw into the mix, instead of letting things cool down, apologising for his stupid plan and calling her an ungrateful cow, he comes back and asks for an open marriage?!!

Not saying anytime was a good time to ask for an open marriage but this was the worst possible time. Also let’s not forget the fact he bought her lingerie he knows she’s not comfortable in.

Tbh I’m now beginning to wonder if he set all this up so badly on purpose, to ensure she wouldn’t have sex, just so he could then ask for an open marriage?

Because how could he honestly think this (the pressurised, last minute trip and uncomfortable too small lingerie ) was the thing that was going to get his wife back into sex?

Completely agree @LoveIndubitably ite actually disgusting. It’s not even been like the sex-less marriages we seen on here where people have had no sex for a number of years for no discernible reason .

OP said recovering from pregnancy and said and doesn’t feel confident yet there was nothing to suggest she has gone off sex for good.

But after her husband suggesting an open marriage after the ambush, and all this while’s she’s trying to take care of her first child - she may well go off sex with him now for good. If anything he has shot himself in the foot with his lack of patience and self-centred, manipulative behaviour. Nothing about his actions will have made OP feel more ready for sex - the opposite if anything.

He coerced her into sex using things he knew she did not want, and insulted get and got angry when she refused.

Some posters writing post upon post about how this isn't actually a problem and actually obviously once you marry someone you have consented to sex whenever and however the other person wants it and to refuse makes you 'cruel' - unbelievable.

Regardless of whether someone has birth injuries, is sleep deprived etc, the answer to not having the amount of sex you want is NOT to coerce the other person, saying that other women are fine with it, telling your mates down the pub and asking to shag other people. THAT is cruel.

I don't actually believe that this needs explaining, so some pp are clearly posting to wind up OP. They've already pretended they know the sex drive of everyone posting so ignore these fools OP.

Just this. ⬆️

suggesting an open marriage doesn’t sound any more lousy than stopping sex

they entered into a sexual relationship

I assume sex was a regular thing before

i assume they believed they were sexually compatible

iWhy is it wrong for them to want an open marriage where they can remain a supportive partner to you in other areas of the relationship ?

this is a compromise for couples who want to stay together for their kids sake, and who care about each other, but are not sexually compatible

As for “nobody ever died from lack of sex”

• actually this kind of emotional abuse absolutely can affect someone’s health - their heart and their mental health.

It sounds like a lot of the women are getting riled up because you are also low sex drive

If you’re menopausal get your hormones balanced. You sound extremely angry over the fact that many people need sex to feel connected and loved.

A marriage isn’t about rights. It’s a contract to honor another perso. There are many women complaining about their husbands not wanting to have sex for months. If they aren’t sexually compatible it just won’t work. If you can’t have sex to please your partner (provided it isn’t causing pain or something serious) there is probably resentment and a lot of issues besides. Otherwise, most of us are willing to compromise and have sex once in awhile, even once per month is very low sex drive

It is possible this was ok with your husband… but the point is a marriage is about 2 people caring for each others needs. Sex, emotional connection and affection are all legitimate needs

So, if you are unable to have sex for 9 months because it causes you pain that is a legitimate need

But if your lack of desire is causing your partner emotional pain that is also legitimate

There are many women who are on here agonizing about how their husbands haven’t wanted to have sex in months. Maybe the men have ED or just low libido. If the men aren’t willing to fix/address the problem then I do not judge the women for leaving . why would I judge a man any differently?

Well, I agree with you he's a prize most would throw back, but still OP has a problem herself and not just with him.

So basically he's gone to his mother complaining, and they thought the answer was to coerce you into sex youve said you aren't ready for. Gross.