To worry about neighbour’s baby

@EdithBond

"If you get no answer or response from the card and gifts, don’t give up. Some people are very shy and feel awkward"

So because some people are very shy and feel awkward, it's now your job to be extra intrusive and make them feel even more awkward. Makes perfect sense 🤣🤣🤣

Since we're shamelessly doing the whole stereotype thing in this thread - I thought British people are meant to be discrete and polite, what's with the imposed friendship that doesn't take no for an answer? 🤣😭

If you get no answer or response from the card and gifts, don’t give up.

Good lord.

If you try that hard and don't get a response then leave her be, how bloody suffocating to have a neighbour keep trying to make friends when you haven't indicated that you want a friendship at all.

I can't see any reason for concern from your post. What you said about some Muslim men having certain views? All kinds of people have all kinds of views. It is none of your business unless you have a real suspicion about something untoward. And it sounds as though you are watching the house. Leave them be.

Hi OP

You sound lovely.

I’d pop round with some flowers (maybe from your garden), a cake and a card with your names (including your baby) and number on, introducing yourself. Maybe take your baby with you when you go. Put in the card that you are at home a lot and would love it if she popped in for a cup of tea sometime.

She may be British and/or speak perfect English. But, if she doesn’t, it’s still possible to ‘chat’ to someone by both of you speaking in your own language and lots of hand gestures. I’ve done this many times. I once had a two-hour chat about all sorts of things with a lady I was staying with in Moscow, when neither of us spoke more than ‘yes’ and ‘no’ of each other’s language. And I regularly used to chat to my son’s friend’s mum at the school gate, who spoke Somali and Italian but very little English. When I lived in another country, my neighbours always invited me in to chat. It was embarrassing for me (and them) at first, as I couldn’t converse much, but it helped me learn in the long-run. And I was so grateful to them for keep inviting me. We’re still in touch nearly 20 years later.

You have something in common if you both have babies, so may be able to swap baby clothes or help each other out in other ways. Then, when the kids are a little older, they could play together.

As for how people who are Muslim behave, there’s some nonsense on this thread. There’s no such thing! How do people of Christian faith and/or culture behave? The answer is ‘depends’ - on where you’re from in the world, your social class and (more to the point) what your personality’s like.

Nationality is more a factor than religion, so if she has a foreign accent, ask where she’s from, both the country and the region. If they’re recent immigrants, especially refugees, she may be very shy and still recovering from a lot of trauma. But having worked with refugees for decades, I’m sure she’d be very grateful for you being friendly and hospitable, even it’s a bit excruciating for you both because she can’t speak English or if it’s not a great time for her (depression etc). People can feel so unwelcome and isolated that the tiniest of gestures makes a huge difference.

If you get no answer or response from the card and gifts, don’t give up. Some people are very shy and feel awkward. It may be worth your DP having a chat with her fella when he sees him and say you’d like to be friends.

Good luck

But it’s just one experience. I am still technically a Christian. It’s like someone telling a story about a Mennonite in the US and telling someone that’s what I’m probably like that too.

There are vast cultural differences between Muslims too.

All muslim women who read this and who have a young baby and a husband who goes to work are now highly suspicious of their neighbours, especially those who drop round casually with baklava and HALAL sweets 😂

Side note, this thread has me thinking I need to remember to tone down my arm waving when I argue in Greek with my partner while in the garden. Don't want to end up with police trampling on my new lawn or - worse - asked to go for a walk and eat baklava 😭

If I must eat baklava, may I please have the pistachio version, not the walnut version, I prefer pistachios

If she is wrong and they are actually out and about she just hasn’t seen them, then there is no harm done by the health visitor visiting. If there is a problem though then help can be provided.

i would prefer to do something than nothing and it seems a bit strange to be going round now when they have been there for 6 months.

I'm sorry OP I get it you probably mean well but your sleuthing that put two and two together (no weird noises, closed blinds) and came up with five (human trafficking) has me very amused. Gently, would you also think "human trafficking" if it was the same situation but they were white?

You don’t understand. WE often CHOOSE to keep them closed because WE like to observe the rules of hijab. But thank you for your concern.

Nosy neighbour... such as OP :P

Why? I think bigotry and imposing your narrow mindset on others shouldnt be allowed.

This thread is insane! Of course you can take food round, just don’t take anything with animal products/non-halal. We exchange food gifts with our muslim neighbours every Christmas and Eid, it’s a lovely way to reach out and make everyone feel welcome and included.

I personally would just leave them to it. The woman isn't obliged to open the curtains or use the garden just because she has a baby.
It does seem like you're getting a bit obsessed. Some people are just quiet and keep themselves to themselves. I'm sure you will meet her eventually.
There are several members of the family who have lived next door for 28 years whom I've probably either never seen or only seen a couple times. I don't know why but they're very private and don't go outside much. My newer neighbours I've only seen very briefly in the yard.

Abusive? Who's abusing her?

Maybe she can't be arsed with the nosy neighbour who is constantly watching her house?

Maybe her child died and she isn't ready for the outside world?

Maybe she's disabled and opening the blinds isn't high on her agenda?

Maybe she's watching TV and keeps them closed so the light doesn't reflect?

Maybe she goes out before op gets up in the morning and is out all day and just doesn't open the blinds before she leaves?

There are a lot of people who keep the blinds closed all day. I'm in a predominantly white area full of middle-class academics. Plenty of houses I walk past have blinds closed.

edited for typo.

Who knows. Maybe mum or baby or both are unwell. Maybe they just don't go out much. People often keep curtains drawn to stop nosey neighbours peering in.

If a woman has to stay indoors with the blinds closed so she can take off her hijab that is abusive. It wouldn't be a surprise if she is depressed. She can't even look outside properly. Maybe she is too tired to put on her hijab and go into the garden with the baby.

How can she know that the baby hasn't been outdoors? Is she watching them 24/7? Filming them? Does she never leave the house herself?

@Istilldontlikeolives

Thanks for commenting on the baklava, it was absolutely hilarious seeing it mentioned several times 🤣🤣🤣

I don't understand how people know so much about their neighbour coming and going. It is slightly creepy. I live in a semi so we do sometimes hear our joined-on neighbours close the front door or start their car. But if we're in the kitchen or back bedroom we don't hear their movements at all. They probably don't hear us leaving through the garden gate to walk our dog. They are quiet people, so are we. We know each others names, we say hi, we exchange Christmas cards, but we rarely see them - I couldn't tell you how often they go out. Unless you are watching someone's house 24/7, how can you really know that they've only left the house a handful of times? It's just bizarre.

People should be allowed to keep their blinds closed?

How would you police that exactly?

That is what I would do too. If a baby has never been outdoors in 6 months it would be a concern.

That it really sad and shouldn't be allowed tbh.

You just seem weirdly determined, on minimal evidence, to assert that this woman is an uneducated SAHP actively avoiding contact with non-Muslims on religious/cultural grounds. There are vast cultural differences between different groups of Muslims. Your own fairly limited experience doesn’t make this not be the case. I certainly know of Muslims like this — I used to teach at a university where some British female Muslim students only spoke to one another and were escorted between lectures by a brother or male cousin, and obviously there would be more conservative some groups who wouldn’t contemplate attending university. I also know foreign-born Muslim women who are highly educated professionals who socialise with non-Muslims. In DS’s primary class there were several Muslim children. One never did play dates and spent a lot of time at his madrasah after school. Two others, both with Pakistani-born mothers who covered and kept halal, were always around our house on play dates (were vegetarian, so no issues with halal meat, gelatine etc), and the mothers would drop in for tea. One of them became a good friend I’m still in touch with, long after I left. One was a consultant cardiologist, the other an anaesthetist. Another neighbour had not long arrived from Pakistan to have an arranged marriage with a British man. She was lonely and desperate to meet peoole.

My point being that we don’t know enough about the OP’s neighbour to know what kind of life she has when she doesn’t have a small baby.