To worry about neighbour’s baby

maloney123 · 2025-05-09T19:36:19+00:00

I’m not sure where to start, but I am really quite worried about my neighbours’ baby. The other side of our semidetached is rented, and approx six months ago a new family moved in. The walls are paper thin so we can hear pretty much everything that goes on. There’s a dad, mum and what sounds like a young baby. The dad comes and goes, he usually goes out very early in the car and doesn’t come back all day. There is another car but that never moves. We’ve seen the dad a couple of times, but have only ever seen the mum twice, going into the house. We’ve never seen the baby. The blinds are always drawn and the back door is never opened, even though there’s a big garden. I’m on maternity leave so am often home or in and out picking my older child up from nursery, I bump into other neighbours from time to time but I’ve never the mum or baby. I’m not saying I watch the house or anything like that, I just think it’s really strange that I’ve never bumped into her or even seen the baby at all. Am I overthinking this? For what it’s worth, they appear to be Muslim (only mentioning because some Muslim men have certain views towards women). I just worry that something is not right and no authorities are aware of the baby. Oh, nobody ever comes to the house either. I don’t even know what I could do really or who I could contact. I don’t hear any mistreatment or anything like that, I just feel really uncomfortable with the situation and the thought that I could do something but haven’t

Istilldontlikeolives · 15/05/2025 22:52

I’m not jumping to be offended op. I am offended. I also hope my neighbour will check on me if I am housebound for 6 months but the family in question are not housebound so your argument here doesn’t stand. You have assumptions about Muslims that are quite stereotypical but that’s ok, you’re not the only one .

bluesinthenight · 14/05/2025 20:33

maloney123 · 12/05/2025 12:09

Sorry - this is a hilarious reach, please get a grip

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I am not watching my neighbours, you are. So the person reaching may be you.

SquashedMallow · 14/05/2025 19:40

maloney123 · 14/05/2025 13:19

I mentioned about Muslim men because they are Muslim. I don’t feel the need to caveat every single thing I say by considering every way it could possibly be wilfully misinterpreted by people looking to spend their one precious life having arguments on the internet. Obviously non-Muslim men are also capable of sexist or mysogynistic behaviour, please try and engage your brain before jumping to be offended. I hope if you are ever housebound for six months your neighbour is concerned about you. Also, I’d imagine most “ladies of leisure”, whatever they are, would spend their time socialising rather than at home all day. And plenty of Western women don’t work, so maybe you need to work on your biases too x

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I agree with you. To pretend there are not cultural differences is ridiculous. The Muslim Mumsnetters section is open to read for all. Quite an eye opener on how some marriages work. But oh no.... No relevance whatsoever hey

Fruitbat99 · 14/05/2025 13:28

Sounds like you've too much time on your hands

Original poster

maloney123 · 14/05/2025 13:19

Istilldontlikeolives · 12/05/2025 18:37

I would be less offended if you had acknowledged that women around the world from a range of religious/non religious backgrounds are treated unfairly by men rather than saying that some ‘Muslim cultures’ treat women in a different way to Western culture. Have you considered that this woman may be a lady of leisure, able to stay at home and do as she wishes while the husband supports this by working long hours…. How does that compare to ‘westerner’ culture where we’re all working to make ends meet? I think you have some biases that could do with being explored :).

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I mentioned about Muslim men because they are Muslim. I don’t feel the need to caveat every single thing I say by considering every way it could possibly be wilfully misinterpreted by people looking to spend their one precious life having arguments on the internet. Obviously non-Muslim men are also capable of sexist or mysogynistic behaviour, please try and engage your brain before jumping to be offended. I hope if you are ever housebound for six months your neighbour is concerned about you. Also, I’d imagine most “ladies of leisure”, whatever they are, would spend their time socialising rather than at home all day. And plenty of Western women don’t work, so maybe you need to work on your biases too x

OP posts:

Original poster

maloney123 · 14/05/2025 13:15

Still getting notifications so bowing out after being accused of basically being Nigel Farage because I was worried about a baby apparently not having seen daylight in six months. Basic reading comprehension is lacking in a lot of the most needlessly aggressive and accusatory commenters!

OP posts:

WildBactrian · 13/05/2025 23:52

I literally don't know what you mean. I don't care either. Your persistence is boring. Take the last word if you must 🥱

SquashedMallow · 13/05/2025 23:01

WildBactrian · 13/05/2025 18:01

Yesterday you said you were off this thread 😂

I was quoted directly? And with incorrect information? You've obviously been caught out.....

WildBactrian · 13/05/2025 18:01

Yesterday you said you were off this thread 😂

SquashedMallow · 13/05/2025 09:20

vipersputpaidtomylastusername · 12/05/2025 14:15

It was a biscuit that was being suggested to be offered, not a leg of lamb.

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You do realise that Halal doesn't just apply to meat products, right?

Istilldontlikeolives · 12/05/2025 18:37

maloney123 · 12/05/2025 12:03

I haven’t read through all the thread but appreciate everyone’s input, even the incredibly rude responses 🤣 I always forget how unnecessarily hostile people can be on here. To clarify, I think they are Muslim as the occasion I saw the Mum she was wearing a hijab. In my experience it’s very normal to bump into your neighbours from time to time, we’ve lived here years and know pretty much all ours to see and say hello to, but from some of the responses I’m starting to see how there is a loneliness epidemic! I wasn’t aware of a lot of the cultural practices that have been highlighted, but I feel I understand the likely situation a lot more now. No offence was intended whatsoever, it’s an unfortunate truth that some Muslim cultures treat women differently to Western ones, there is nothing wrong with mentioning that. Had I not done, I wouldn’t have got the religious and cultural input I’ve received, which has been really helpful so thank you!

I would be less offended if you had acknowledged that women around the world from a range of religious/non religious backgrounds are treated unfairly by men rather than saying that some ‘Muslim cultures’ treat women in a different way to Western culture. Have you considered that this woman may be a lady of leisure, able to stay at home and do as she wishes while the husband supports this by working long hours…. How does that compare to ‘westerner’ culture where we’re all working to make ends meet? I think you have some biases that could do with being explored :).

star8 · 12/05/2025 15:45

Errm not sure about the “only mentioning because some muslim men have certain view towards women”
men from any backround have views towards women this is not an isolated muslim man issue. Seriously. You sound very judgemental and uneducated

WildBactrian · 12/05/2025 15:45

Or a side of bacon 😆

vipersputpaidtomylastusername · 12/05/2025 14:15

SquashedMallow · 09/05/2025 21:31

Once again, this shows staggering naiveté "oh yeh I'm so anti racist, I'd treat em like Cassie down the road and offer em a brew and a gossip and pack of biccies"

They're Muslim ! They're not going to accept food that they don't know is Halal !

We have to stop being simplistic about our multi cultural society and realise that some groups do not want cohesion, they wish to live their lives adhering to their culture. I'm not passing judgement on it by the way. I do think any attempt to start knocking at a Muslim families door who are clearly advertising they want privacy from the neighbours is not going to be welcome and seen as pushy and possibly even a violation. Different cultures do operate differently! The liberal left think they can fix it all by treating different cultured people like "oh just the same" . I think some of it is curtain twitchy too, and probably an attempt to be like "look at me and my new brown Muslim BFF". It won't work like that.

Pop a card through the letterbox. Offer a hand of friendship /communication and wait for her cue.

Also, unless you suspect any mistreatment , it just comes across like you're applying western values to their lifestyle and judging it accordingly.

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It was a biscuit that was being suggested to be offered, not a leg of lamb.

wisteriadrive · 12/05/2025 14:04

@maloney123op have you ever heard the baby crying etc ? Hungry babies are pretty loud and I’d your walls are that thin you’d hear it

thecatneuterer · 12/05/2025 13:44

sparrowflewdown · 12/05/2025 11:47

I don't agree with that either but I am sure if Spanish neighbour asked them round for a coffee they would be delighted!

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Not if the Spanish neighbour asked them in Spanish!

Original poster

maloney123 · 12/05/2025 12:09

bluesinthenight · 10/05/2025 14:27

Op, are you this aware of the comings and goings (or not) of your other neighbours?

I suspect that this is more about making op feel more comfortable with living next door to Muslims than it is about concern for a baby.

This happened to me when I moved into my home. A few people came round to check out that I wasn't going to be having loud parties (someone actually said that to my face!) or selling drugs or whatever it is that people of colour are supposed to do habitually.

Sorry - this is a hilarious reach, please get a grip

OP posts:

Inthetyreshop · 12/05/2025 12:09

She may have depression, as others have suggested knock with some sort of excuse

Original poster

maloney123 · 12/05/2025 12:03

I haven’t read through all the thread but appreciate everyone’s input, even the incredibly rude responses 🤣 I always forget how unnecessarily hostile people can be on here. To clarify, I think they are Muslim as the occasion I saw the Mum she was wearing a hijab. In my experience it’s very normal to bump into your neighbours from time to time, we’ve lived here years and know pretty much all ours to see and say hello to, but from some of the responses I’m starting to see how there is a loneliness epidemic! I wasn’t aware of a lot of the cultural practices that have been highlighted, but I feel I understand the likely situation a lot more now. No offence was intended whatsoever, it’s an unfortunate truth that some Muslim cultures treat women differently to Western ones, there is nothing wrong with mentioning that. Had I not done, I wouldn’t have got the religious and cultural input I’ve received, which has been really helpful so thank you!

OP posts:

sparrowflewdown · 12/05/2025 11:47

TakingTimeTO · 12/05/2025 08:51

And meanwhile on the Spanish Costa’s…and surrounding towns.

British bars, supermarkets, English speaking groups, urbanisations of only British people, only English spoken daily in shops, restaurants and bars. Moans about public services being provided in Spanish. ( and yet translators readily available in hospitals and many Spaniards speaking English).

My family lived in Spain. HUGE concerns expressed by the British owners, when a Spanish family bought a house on the mainly British owned urbanisation!

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I don't agree with that either but I am sure if Spanish neighbour asked them round for a coffee they would be delighted!

thecatneuterer · 12/05/2025 10:24

TakingTimeTO · 12/05/2025 08:51

And meanwhile on the Spanish Costa’s…and surrounding towns.

British bars, supermarkets, English speaking groups, urbanisations of only British people, only English spoken daily in shops, restaurants and bars. Moans about public services being provided in Spanish. ( and yet translators readily available in hospitals and many Spaniards speaking English).

My family lived in Spain. HUGE concerns expressed by the British owners, when a Spanish family bought a house on the mainly British owned urbanisation!

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Well exactly!

Gia906 · 12/05/2025 10:22

rainbowstardrops · 12/05/2025 08:39

As you said the walls are paper thin and you can hear everything, have you heard anything that alarms you?

True! I’ve got a newborn and all day and night long I worry about the poor neighbours on either side being disturbed by a colicky newborn. Surely you’ve heard the baby frequently, OP? There’s a toddler next door too and I hear their tantrums. I don’t think the walls here are particularly paper thin though as you mentioned.

TakingTimeTO · 12/05/2025 08:51

sparrowflewdown · 11/05/2025 18:38

Sorry but that is not acceptable. If you come to the UK it isn't polite to shut yourself away from us and say our culture isn't compatible. Maybe stay in a country where you can mix freely. That is quite frankly rude.

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And meanwhile on the Spanish Costa’s…and surrounding towns.

British bars, supermarkets, English speaking groups, urbanisations of only British people, only English spoken daily in shops, restaurants and bars. Moans about public services being provided in Spanish. ( and yet translators readily available in hospitals and many Spaniards speaking English).

My family lived in Spain. HUGE concerns expressed by the British owners, when a Spanish family bought a house on the mainly British owned urbanisation!

rainbowstardrops · 12/05/2025 08:39

As you said the walls are paper thin and you can hear everything, have you heard anything that alarms you?

SquashedMallow · 12/05/2025 08:24

I'm off this thread. It's such a shame you cannot point out (non offensively) some common realties and acknowledge cultural differences that may be at play here (in all honest reality !) and that equates to : I'm a "black and white thinker. I've assumed all Muslims including ones born in the UK will behave in this manner " and have a "narrow sphere". Let's have it your way then. Let the op bulldoze in and see how it goes. I'm out !