Dh not centre of attention

Have you asked him why he's allowed to answer emails but you aren't?

I'd love to hear his pathetic excuses.

He's a twat. My dh finishes at 3, I work from home until 5.30. Dh will put washing in before he goes to work, I'll do the dishwasher in my lunch and another load of washing. Dh will empty it and potter around the house while I'm working. He also cooks dinner for when I finish.

Other than a quick kiss and chat about our days when he gets home, he leaves me alone at my work station to, you know, do the job I'm being paid to do. He also brings me tea.

If he insisted I put the integrity of my job aside to sit with him while he gamed, I'd think he was deranged.

Is he really your person?

Suggest to him that you give up work so you can be at his beck and call!

Ah, another arsehole variety man.

You know you’re not being unreasonable. He needs to grow up.

This phrase you've used a couple of times now - "I'm not allowed to say anything" - WTF? Who says you aren't allowed to do or say things? Who made him the boss? What happens if you do say something? He gets annoyed? Well, he sounds pretty annoyed anyway. TBH he sounds utterly horrible and I don't know how anyone can be attracted to such a spoilt, demanding baby.

fuck making that lazy ass lunch

Omg if only.

We need a human sized cannon, just stick these guys in it and aim for the sun.

He's belittling you because he's superior. His time is more important and his job is more important. You are there to support his needs: take care of his children, his needs and keep him company.

He's delightful.

The days I wfh if I don't come and say hello and then bring the laptop out to come and work in the living room with him he moans I don't want to spend time with him...

Big NO to this!! You're WORKING; it just happens to be from home. If he reliably gets home at 2 every day, it might be nice if you plan to take a quick break around this time or a little later to say hi, hear each other's news highlights of the day so far, maybe have a cup of tea or a snack - whatever works for your work schedule. Do NOT take your laptop out with you, and be clear that you have, say, 20 minutes and then are due back to work. If you worked in a trad office there's be no question that HIBU if he arrived every afternoon demanding you sit with him while you work. This is no different except that you're close enough to go "home" for a quick break.

He moans that when he comes home he has to cook dinner. Again he finishes at 2pm and likes to eat at 530-6 so he usually does dinner. He says I should prep dinner during the day (while working) so all he has to do is turn it on. He moans that I don't do enough housework during the day ...

IF the two of you had split up the household work equitably and you've agreed to do the cooking and the hoovering, than I'd understand why he's upset if he routinely has to do it. It's practical for him to handle dinner given each of your time constraints. It sounds like you feel that YOU do much more overall, and he feels that HE does, so either or both of you may be unrealistic about what the other is doing. Can you get together and reshuffle responsibilities so they make more sense? A detailed comparison of who does what when and how long it takes is needed, but not accusing/tit for tat, just a constructive process to split up all the shared responsibilities fairly - from scratch if necessary.

He'll moan I work too much (my job is full on so quite consuming) and if I dare to answer a few emails after the kids in bed rather than cuddle up to him or other stuff that I'm prioritising work etc. However he will often have to pop into work at the weekend to pick up paperwork and I'm not allowed to say anything. He also has weeks where he is on call so he cannot do anything so all school pick ups, clubs etc fall to me as he can't leave his phone.

Can he explain why he seems to feel that his time is more important than yours? Same with your follow-up re his assuming it's YOUR fault if the children are messy - that only makes sense of they're your children and not his, but even then - when it's his turn to tidy the house, he picks up the toys if needed.

I can't completely tell if the two of you are just on very different pages about who's doing what around the house and for the children and can't communicate about it, or if he's suffering from selfishness, main character energy, and/or extreme misogyny. But whatever he might feel that YOU are doing or not doing, HE is being a colossal arse. Stop putting up with nonsense that makes you miserable - starting with the "not allowed to say anything" bit.

He sounds exhausting.

Stop making him lunches

Your job is equally important as his and you work longer hours than him, stop doing anything for him, breakfast, lunches, dinners, washing, anything that benefits him and him alone stop it.

You already know what you need to do.

It makes no sense that the person still working should be prepping dinner when the other has been finished with work for hours. I’d set clear boundaries that you are not hanging out with him or doing housework during your working hours. Personally I’d also ask him to start doing nursery/school pickups so that task is shared. Surely when he’s on call he doesn’t just sit by the phone doing nothing?

If you sat him down and said "I feel so drained and I need help, I also want to know how you feel and how you realistically want our household/family tasks to be divided" what would he say?

Is he 3 years old?

God, I couldn't put up with this whiny moaning little man-child. You shouldn't either. He sounds like he's just making your life a misery!

Read him your posts in here. No person with an ounce of intelligence would be able to justify his behaviour. If he tries it then you know that

a) he’s an idiot
b) he has zero respect for you

Point out that you’re not his service human.

Was he like this before you married? Whining about everything and incapable of making a sandwich?

OP...

He's a fuckwit

Mysogynist one at that...

You have one precious life... Do you want this to be the message your kids have over how women's roles are!

Was he always like this?

Equally as unnecessary.

If I was you I’d both try and get out of the habit of it - in the nicest possible way, your jobs aren’t as ‘important’ as you think they are.