Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 43 and I can't learn to drive!! Feel useless

464 replies

ChangedNameAsEmbarrassed · 09/05/2025 18:10

As per thread title, I'm now 43 and trying to learn to drive, but I just can't seem to manage it. I've been trying since my 20s and just cannot, no matter how hard I try, get my head around all the different things. I can't get my lane position right, my steering is terrible, my spacial awareness is virtually non existent. I've tried so many times and just given up. However, it has got to the point in my life where I NEED to be able to drive. I have two children who both have special needs. They will soon be going to different schools and it just won't be doable on public transport, we may in the near future have to move to an area where public transport is not great. I literally need to have my licence by this time next year at the absolute latest but I just can't see how this is going to happen. I feel like such a failure. Why is it other people can manage to learn and I can't? Am I just stupid? I feel like giving up but thats not an option at this stage. I'm failing my children. I need to do this but it's just not happening 😢

OP posts:
ella455 · 09/05/2025 18:29

I just wanted to say you have my sympathy Op…I found it very hard to learn to drive, failed many times and was on my third instructor when I finally passed. Can you go out and practise with your DH or a supportive friend in between the lessons?

Loubylie · 09/05/2025 18:28

Some people can't drive just like some people can't read, because their spacial awareness is too poor.

But, you might just have a mental block. What about trying a hypnotherapist who specialises in fear of driving?

JeremyVineyard · 09/05/2025 18:28

Do you get very nervous and does that affect your ability to concentrate and relax?
Would it be worth trying propranolol?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/05/2025 18:27

It is very hard for some people, especially if their executive functioning skills, spacial awareness and coordination is off balance, the panic on top.

I couldn't grasp it either, similar situation.
I am going to try again in an automatic car.
My niece who found it difficult, changed to an automatic, she is great now.

S0j0urn4r · 09/05/2025 18:27

Have you been having weekly lessons for 20 years?

Original poster
ChangedNameAsEmbarrassed · 09/05/2025 18:24

Yatzydog · 09/05/2025 18:23

Give yourself time. More than you think. Ask your instructor to go a suitable area and practice all the manuvours (sp?) (e.g an industrial area at the weekend). So that you have spatial awareness and muscle memory. Then when you drive in traffic you are more confident.

Be patient. They reckon it'll take än hour of lessons for every year of your life. That may be bollocks, but it is certainly true that it will take way long than when you were younger.

Driving is just practice. Any monkey can do it.

I've given myself 20 years, how much more time do I need??

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangedNameAsEmbarrassed · 09/05/2025 18:23

PeatandDieselfan · 09/05/2025 18:13

Have you got a sympathetic instructor? That could make all the difference.

It's not the instructors, it's me. I've tried different instructors over the past 2 decades and it makes absolutely no difference. I'm just too thick to learn.

OP posts:
Yatzydog · 09/05/2025 18:23

Give yourself time. More than you think. Ask your instructor to go a suitable area and practice all the manuvours (sp?) (e.g an industrial area at the weekend). So that you have spatial awareness and muscle memory. Then when you drive in traffic you are more confident.

Be patient. They reckon it'll take än hour of lessons for every year of your life. That may be bollocks, but it is certainly true that it will take way long than when you were younger.

Driving is just practice. Any monkey can do it.

Original poster
ChangedNameAsEmbarrassed · 09/05/2025 18:22

TeenLifeMum · 09/05/2025 18:11

Are you learning in a manual or automatic?

Automatic, and I still can't get the hang of it

OP posts:
PeatandDieselfan · 09/05/2025 18:18

Also, can you do some practice off road for a while, to get confidence with the controls, so that when you get in the traffic there are less things to think about?

There was a time when I thought I would never be able to reverse with a trailer. 2 days by myself in a friend's sheep paddock with a land rover, a trailer and a pile of bollards, no-one except the sheep to see me messing up, and I got it sorted. Not that I am suggesting you need a trailer! Just an empty parking lot to do some laps and practice manoeuvring?

StrawberryWater · 09/05/2025 18:13

Manual or auto?

I tried manual driving and my brain just couldn't cope with all the extra bits. I could do it but I don't think I'd ever get good enough to sit a test and pass.

Switched to auto and passed my test first time.

I think a good instructor helps too. I had a few before I found the right one for me.

PeatandDieselfan · 09/05/2025 18:13

Have you got a sympathetic instructor? That could make all the difference.

ThatGladTiger · 09/05/2025 18:12

Similar to previous poster, if you’re learning in a manual switch to automatic lessons. One less thing to think about so you can focus on the driving and not gears and clutch!

TeenLifeMum · 09/05/2025 18:11

Are you learning in a manual or automatic?