I'm 43 and I can't learn to drive!! Feel useless

I suggested this to my instructor and he said he's taught people with learning difficulties and they passed, I just don't understand it. I need to do this, I don't have any other options

I guess people's abilities vary. I don't have any learning difficulties but I'm a bit dyspraxic and I seem to struggle processing spacially at speed.

Have you checked re school transport. If they aren’t in local provision due to Sen you could be entitled to transport.
Speak to yourself kindly it sounds like you are really trying.

I empathise.
The way I see it is, I’m a highly educated, clever woman. I cannot drive.
My FIL (for instance) is a tool who struggles to put a sentence together when it doesn’t involve shouting at his wife. He can drive.

Driving is no indicator or intelligence or ability.

If your children have special needs and will attend 2 different schools would they be entitled to transport?

From the sounds of it maybe driving just isn’t for you.

Or even thinking crazy stuff, what about a cargo bike? The kids would grow out of it but could do whilst they are smallish.

What car are you learning in? I’m in an electric fiat (auto) and I love it it’s like a dream. My dc learned in an auto mini and said that was good. Mine is literally push a button and sit there it even corrects steering.

I'm just thinking if you establish you can't learn because of a disability, it might make a difference to what alternative help you can get. Eg. Funded transport to school for the kids

DS found it really difficult learning to drive, he was 17 and got really disheartened as all his friends passed quickly, he did pass in the end but had loads of lessons and 3 tests. He has slight dyspraxia and also couldn't ride a bike until he was about 9. Do you have difficulty doing other things OP? He has a physics degree so certainly isn't thick but he did feel like that with the driving.

Do you have dyspraxia or some other spacial awareness disorder?
Do you have an auto car to practice with family/partner so you aren't just paying for lessons?

Some people really can't drive. I'm one of them. I've had several bouts of trying but it's clear I wouldn't be safe doing it.
I have an ASD diagnosis and I just don't process stuff right that I need to in such a high stakes situation.

Well obviously you can't move to a rural location when you can't drive.

Assuming you have had an eye exam already to rule out any visual issues.

You can actually improve visual awareness, lots of people who only have one eye can drive, so you definitely can.

Someone throwing a ball in undetermined directions whilst you catch if (start with a beanbag if you're really unco-ordinated), eventually you can progress to standing on one leg, then on a bose ball.

I feel for you, and it's so expensive 😟

What SEN do your children have?
Do you have any diagnoses or undiagnosed issues? If you can identify that there might be specialist help and tips out there eg. Dyspraxia etc

Sorry cross post. It’s hard if you only have lessons and no other practice.

Do you have any diagnosis Op? Wondering if something like dyspraxia etc. Maybe look at what might be going on that’s a barrier to you learning.
Do you have access to a car/supervising adult? If eg your husband drives usually from now on you do and he supervises so you get hours of practice.

I am you! I passed my test four weeks ago aged 43 (and turned 44 a week later). I started lessons when I was 17! Took long gaps and then went back for a bit. The time round I started learning last Summer, it took 8 months. I just kept going. I felt useless at it, cancelled one test because didn’t feel ready and passed first time on the one I rebooked.

I am autistic and dyspraxic and passed in a manual car. Just keep going! I had an instructor who was in many ways a bit useless but actually he was a good fit for me and I think the instructor matters (I’ve had about 9, very few fit)

This is me OP, I'm the same. I've given up now and was teased by my neighbours for having sooo many lessons. the "have you not passed your test yet" comments from everyone really got me down. I didn't even take a practical test as I was never anywhere near ready. I just couldn't seem to take everything in, and dont get me started on using mirrors.i actually think theres something wrong with my brain!
On the other hand I passed my theory with flying colours and scored 99% unfortunately it expired. im now late 40s and in full swing of peri and now have too much anxiety to try again.
I've accepted I'm not cut out to be a driver and yes I do feel like a failure for it.
I'm trying to encourage my teen dd to take lessons young as I think youngsters learn so much quicker and easier. it'll make her life so much easier, give her freedom and better job opportunities etc without having to turn jobs down as she cannot get there on public transport which is shocking as so many bus services etc have been cut.

You need to invest more time in learning, an hour a week is not enough.

It takes regular practice, daily if possible.

I heard a phrase on Women’s hour the other day - when we make mistakes, instead of of talking to ourselves like a bully “ you’re stupid” etc talk to yourself like a coach “well that bit was bad but the other was brilliant “ etc

Good luck and persevere.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but you just might not be able to learn. I know 2 people who genuinely can't manage to learn to drive as they have zero spatial awareness and cannot manage to do more than 1 thing at once in a car.

They are both not thick (using your words), have good careers, manage multiple people at work, have families etc but cannot for the life of them master driving not matter how desperate they are to do so.

I think that some people are just not able to 'get it' and it has nothing to do with being thick- just your brain & body work in a way that's not suited to driving.

You've said you've had lots of lessons, in an automatic car, have had different instructors etc but still can't manage it. It may be time to accept that it's isn't going to happen for you & make alternative arrangements.

I know it sucks, but sometimes you do have to accept your limitations. Sorry.