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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ðaughter had £280 took off her from her Dad

162 replies

NimbleBee · 09/05/2025 14:55

Hi all, my 7yr old DD has been visiting her grandparents with my ex (her Dad) every Wednesday. Her Grandparents have been giving my DD £5 every week for a year so 52x5=£260 saved. DD saved it at grandparents house in a purse, hoping to spend it on her holiday.
Dd told me yesterday that grandparents had given her this money to bring home now with upcoming holiday.
Dds dad took the money from her and spent it in the Ladbrokes gambling and on alcohol and cigarettes.
I am absolutely fuming and will be having words with ex.
Aibu to tell grandparents what has happened?

OP posts:
aylis · 10/05/2025 21:19

It doesn't even matter what he spent it on, he stole it. Absolutely tell them.

AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 10/05/2025 21:12

£260 or £280 is a huge amount of spending money for a 7 year old child.

AllThatGlistensIsntCold · 10/05/2025 21:06

I don't understand how you know this @NimbleBee

Who told you he'd taken the money?

Who told you where he'd spent it?

It's hard to believe that he told your 7 year old daughter he'd been to the bookies, bought fags and beer.

How do you know this?

Proudofmynane · 10/05/2025 20:50

Would the Grandparents be able to replace the money tho? If they're short of cash themselves I maybe wouldn't tell them. Your poor DD tho. What a Prince among men her Dad is.

ASimpleLampoon · 10/05/2025 20:33

@NimbleBee
Police and social services. Seriously . It's financial abuse.

Also if there's a court order for contact get legal advice asap and ask for limited/supervised contact

Do you get on with GPs? Are they safe people? Can you maintain the relationship without your ex.

Could you discuss with the GPS the possibility of setting up a child's bank account with you or one of them as the trustee to keep her money safe.

I am so sorry for you and your DD and the GPs too.

Ownedbykitties · 10/05/2025 20:23

Tell them.

Thisisittheapocalypse · 10/05/2025 20:02

How do you know how he spent the money?

If you are absolutely certain that's what happened, you need to tell his parents. That is shocking behaviour!

Steph4ne · 10/05/2025 19:54

A million percent tell his parents where their money went. In future they should pay it into a child banking account with only you, them and your daughter to access not him

madaboutpurple · 10/05/2025 19:41

You could tell your ex that he has two weeks to replace the money and if he doesn't you will make it a police matter. He is disgusting.

AngelicKaty · 10/05/2025 19:23

@NimbleBee Not only would I tell your DD's grand-parents, I'd report the theft to the police too. I'd love to hear your scum-bag of an ex's explanation for this theft - to you, his DD, his parents AND the police.

CustardySergeant · 10/05/2025 19:08

I am always baffled when OPs make just one post and never return to the thread.

Pessismistic · 10/05/2025 19:03

I really hope you tell his parents that he is scum stealing from his own dd how awful of him such a shitty thing to do to her. She must be so upset knowing she has been really good saving then he does this to her no wonder he’s your ex horrible nasty man. I hope his parents make him pay it back to her.

DoggingDave · 10/05/2025 19:00

NimbleBee · 09/05/2025 14:55

Hi all, my 7yr old DD has been visiting her grandparents with my ex (her Dad) every Wednesday. Her Grandparents have been giving my DD £5 every week for a year so 52x5=£260 saved. DD saved it at grandparents house in a purse, hoping to spend it on her holiday.
Dd told me yesterday that grandparents had given her this money to bring home now with upcoming holiday.
Dds dad took the money from her and spent it in the Ladbrokes gambling and on alcohol and cigarettes.
I am absolutely fuming and will be having words with ex.
Aibu to tell grandparents what has happened?

Absolutely outrageous report to police and tell the grandparents immediately.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 10/05/2025 18:55

Make sure you screen shot any social media as if you take it further it will be deleted....especially the treating my team bit.

This is a deliberate act of exclusion and I would consider raising a grievance about it. You've been the in organisation long enough to be protected by employment laws.

It may sour the air but it clearly isn't all on best friend terms anyway so no loss. What it will do is remind people that they are not allowed to mistreat people

Hollybollyhughes · 10/05/2025 18:52

Disgraceful behaviour. He needs to pay back the money but not his parents. Vile man who doesn't deserve having children.

JJMama · 10/05/2025 18:43

NimbleBee · 09/05/2025 14:55

Hi all, my 7yr old DD has been visiting her grandparents with my ex (her Dad) every Wednesday. Her Grandparents have been giving my DD £5 every week for a year so 52x5=£260 saved. DD saved it at grandparents house in a purse, hoping to spend it on her holiday.
Dd told me yesterday that grandparents had given her this money to bring home now with upcoming holiday.
Dds dad took the money from her and spent it in the Ladbrokes gambling and on alcohol and cigarettes.
I am absolutely fuming and will be having words with ex.
Aibu to tell grandparents what has happened?

Definitely tell them - why on Earth not? They’ve done something nice and their son has ruined it.

Tell them and let them have it out with their vile piece of shit son. And well done you for splitting from him - can see why!

ConstantlyTired312 · 10/05/2025 18:39

Unfortunately, my father was like this - sorry OP, I hope your daughter is OK.
My gran would always make excuses for my dad, so be prepared that they may know already

Happydayssunshine · 10/05/2025 18:34

You are not being unreasonable. You need to tell the grandparents otherwise this will keep happening throughout her life, I know from experience of it happening to my child, thought I was doing the right thing not bringing it up but it's happened so many times now and its very sad. He will probably make some excuse that they may believe but at least you will have tried. Just mae sure he doesn't have access to her bank account as that's what happened with my ex. People stealing from children are scumbags.

LouiseK93 · 10/05/2025 18:33

Like you even needed to ask if YBU! What a disgusting parasite. Tell ex husbands mummy.

Whatafustercluck · 10/05/2025 18:27

I think is quite possibly one of the worst things I've ever read on mumsnet. Your poor dd having that for a dad, this makes me angry and sad in equal measures. Joining the chorus in saying yes, tell them what a disgusting son they have.

Oldandcobwebby · 10/05/2025 18:22

Oh yes, I would be telling them; with a mix of justified anger at his skanky behaviour, and relish about dropping him in the shit with his parents.

What a bloody awful thing to do.

CleaningAngel · 10/05/2025 18:05

NimbleBee · 09/05/2025 14:55

Hi all, my 7yr old DD has been visiting her grandparents with my ex (her Dad) every Wednesday. Her Grandparents have been giving my DD £5 every week for a year so 52x5=£260 saved. DD saved it at grandparents house in a purse, hoping to spend it on her holiday.
Dd told me yesterday that grandparents had given her this money to bring home now with upcoming holiday.
Dds dad took the money from her and spent it in the Ladbrokes gambling and on alcohol and cigarettes.
I am absolutely fuming and will be having words with ex.
Aibu to tell grandparents what has happened?

Absolutely bloody tell them, knock precious son off his pedestal

SALaw · 10/05/2025 18:01

Why would you even need to ask if it would be unreasonable to tell them?!

Fcs1985 · 10/05/2025 18:00

I'd 💯 tell them, they need to be made aware that he's done this and to watch there own finances. Your poor kid must be heart broken x

Blades2 · 10/05/2025 18:00

My children’s dad withheld the money their nanny and granda (his parents) sent to them for Christmas. I didn’t know this until they went to visit their nanny and granda recently and they told them! They were absolutely furious.
I would definitely tell his parents x