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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends staying over

38 replies

Nothankyov · 09/05/2025 14:35

Ok - so I need a bit of advice to see if I’m being unreasonable. I live somewhere where it’s a really lovely place for holidays (think Caribbean type) but expensive. I invited some friends from the UK to come over (a couple) and they texted me the other day basically giving the impression that they will be out just the two of them and then would let me know if they would be home for dinner or not. Now I assumed maybe wrongly that they would obviously want some time alone as they wouldn’t be able to afford to come if they didn’t have a place to stay and I’m also providing the food at home but I also assumed that we would go out all together maybe 3 days out of the 7 that they are here. Is this an unreasonable expectation from me?

OP posts:
Lurker85 · 09/05/2025 15:43

That is so rude on multiple levels. Not spending time with you is one thing but letting you know day to day, on the day, if they are expecting to be served dinner is another level. Are you just expected to buy and cook enough food for dinner for 4 people every night just in case? Or wait around each day to see if their budget covers dinner that night and then start buying and planning dinner? I wouldn’t even mention that you wanted to spend time with them. You know they’ll only be doing it out of guilt then. I’d just say “No problem, but I can’t guarantee dinner if I don’t know in advance so I can buy enough food” and not let them come back.

Itiswhysofew · 09/05/2025 15:39

If they were visiting you, yes, it's very rude to not socialise with you.

If they're only interested in staying with you from an accommodation angle, then they won't be thinking of spending time with you, which is actually very thoughtless of them.

Original poster
Nothankyov · 09/05/2025 15:36

Yes @Stickortwigs - so what made me think they weren’t thinking of spending time was the fact they said we will let you know if we are home for dinner or not - in my head we aren’t together in this scenario?
@justkeepswimingswiming and @Newmeagain - yes I agree I think I need to text them and clarify.

for context I’m also part of a couple so I thought it would be nice to do something together at the weekend and leave them to it during the week if that’s what they want to do. It’s just very unlike them so I was a bit surprised and did find it rude as many have said. I suppose it could be a misunderstanding as I have said it’s just not like them at all. I just wanted to also see them and spend some time as I miss them.
@ginasevern - I offered to cook as I know it’s expensive to go out and they are on a budget.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 09/05/2025 15:34

Why on earth did you offer to cook for them? The very, very least they should be doing is taking you out for lunches/dinners. At least you now know that they cheeky fuckers and not real friends.

OriginalUsername2 · 09/05/2025 15:22

I detect Cheeky Fuckery.

“Well let you know if we’ll be back for dinner”

Oh really.

MoominMai · 09/05/2025 15:22

Oh that’s just rude OP! So why do they think you’re inviting them over then - because you enjoy playing housekeeper and cook?! 🙄

Honestly some people are so entitled with zero manners! Sorry but if it were me, I would just text back and say I was hoping for the three of us to spend time together whilst you’re here with me and then just propose your plans to them!

Dollshousedolly · 09/05/2025 15:21

I’d take that their message is setting the scene - they are coming to stay with you, they will be out during the day doing their own thing and will let you know each day if they will be home for dinner or bit. Quite rude of them actually.

Shadowsunray · 09/05/2025 15:19

So basically they are using you as accommodation and free meals when they don't have anything better to do? I would find that rude.

Newmeagain · 09/05/2025 15:17

I agree that you should text them and say you are looking forward to going out together a couple of times. If they ignore this, and just do their own thing, don’t invite them again!

Stickortwigs · 09/05/2025 15:08

What did they now say to make you think they won’t be spending any time with you?

justkeepswimingswiming · 09/05/2025 15:01

Just text them back and say you was under the impression you’d be going out with them for a few days of their stay. Maybe they don’t want to get in your way.

Original poster
Nothankyov · 09/05/2025 14:59

They are now here yet. This was via text. Sorry that wasn’t clear. They aren’t contributing towards anything in my home.

OP posts:
Newmeagain · 09/05/2025 14:39

No, not unreasonable - just using you as a hotel is not on. Have they taken you out at all? Contributed to the cost of food?

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