AIBU and having a massive mid life crisis, or is this a sign that things need to change?

Look for other jobs, it will make you feel like there is an end point and even if a pay cut or part time it is less of a financial hit than leaving completely.

Don’t react to your current emotions. Take a breath and then respond to the whole situation.
Leaving may be do-able on your DH’s salary. But what if he lost his job? Or became ill? It would be a huge pressure on him. What savings do you have?
Is there a lower level role that would remove the overwhelm but still allow you to contribute financially?

You need to sketch it all out, together, and see what the best options are for you all.

Good luck x

It’s almost certainly peri.

it hit me like a truck and I also burnt out.

anti anxiety meds plus HRT has really helped.

the grass isn’t greener elsewhere. As I discovered, my problems were inside me.

I felt like this when menopause hit me like a truck. Anxiety kicked in it was bloody terrible and I wanted to leave. I’m a lone parent so I couldn’t so here’s what I did, I went to to Dr got a blood test to see where my hormone levels were after being on HRT for a short while. My testosterone levels were on the floor. I got referred to add that in. Whilst HRT got me 90% of the way there the testosterone was the game changer. 3 years into a new job and I’m flying and back on form.

I am far too financially careful to be able to do what you want to do. I would also be absolutely petrified if I was left to support 6 people on my own. You are about to hit some very expensive years with regards to your 4 kids, I really don't think this is the time to add more pressure financially. In 5 years time (depending on the ages of child 2 and 3) might be a better time to wind down since at least 1 or possibly 2 of your kids could be self sufficient by then. If you need to reduce your hours futher then do that, but maybe don't stop earning completely.

Also, I work in a creative field and it's incredibly hard to get a foot in (and the ones that do tend to be in their 20s with lots of flexibility) and if you do you won't make much money for many years probably.

kids are expensive, more so at uni age. I wouldn’t quit unless you find something else of similar salary. Working is shit sometimes but it’s a necessary evil when raising kids.

Can you drop a day a week or something as a compromise?

It's a lot to ask your whole family to make a huge financial sacrifice.

What about setting savings aside so you could be in a better position to make the decision a year or two down the line?

If I were you I’d just try and find another job. You are right to want to leave but unemployment and a loss of financial independence will bring its own stress and anxiety, for your DH as well as for you.

I'd look what is around before resigning & conversation(s) with husband and than make a decision.

I dreamed of quitting my job and nearly walked out. Friends and colleagues mostly said to basically give my head a wobble. Good employers are hard to find and the grass isn't always greener.

I m much more appreciative of my job &salary on which I could live of ok if anything happens, gives me independence and we can support our kids through uni.

How would your DH feel about the drop in income, and how does he feel about his job?

I think he is the one to consider here - is it reasonable to place the entire earning burden on him? Suppose he were to be made redundant, for instance?

Have you considered a part-time job as a compromise, which would mean if you did need more income in the future, it would be much easier to go full time again than it would be if you had been out of the workplace doing a 'hobby job'?

I hardly ever vote, sorry, but am in the YANBU camp with caveats.

I would start with the GP. I know it takes ages but talk to them.

Also have a proper discussion with your DH, see what the options really are. Do you have to leave and earn nothing? Is there a middle ground? I believe I burned out in 2022 but I've changed jobs and am doing fine, while still earning.

Dh and I earn the same, so it would be a big dip in earnings, but we could survive on one income - just - if we made some changes

Consider whether any of your children might want to go to university in the next few years and what your expected parental contribution would be to their finances.