Dad wants me to wish his new wife a Happy Mother’s Day

Stop with the posts . It’s been and gone and the op didn’t come back and tell us anything !

Urgh. Does she have children? My dad has a partner and occasionally I've given her flowers partly as mother's day falls in spring and they are in the shops and she likes flowers and has been kind to me over the years. And doesn't have children so I suppose nice to receive. Or not. I have no idea how she feels about it.

It's just spontaneous though. They're married recently and I might in a lighthearted joking way call her step mum. Although am yet to figure that out.

Personally think it could be slightly offensive to my mum so wouldn't ever make a big deal of it.

I also can't bear anyone telling me how to feel or what to do.

I just don't think tradition can come before feeling.

Of course I do Christmas, birthdays and if I go and visit them I always take a house gift etc. which would be something I know she likes.

It's a bit fake in a way as we were never that kind of gift giving house proud family when I was growing up, but whatever, I can go with change.

If my dad ever asked me this though I'd be tempted to say - funny dad, don't remember you asking me to celebrate mothers day when you were married to mum. For that reason - he knows me - he would probably never ask.

No one is 'causing drama'.

It's an accusation levelled almost exclusively against women to make them shut up.

What has the wife actually done to cause drama?

I'd tell your dad how you feel that you won't be doing this.
Your are a grown adult man with your own life not a teenager being told what to do.
I dont wish my dad's wife Happy mothers day they have been together 30 years I care for her but she isn't my mum and didn't bring me up .
I send birthday cards Christmas cards visit them but don't send a mothers day card .

Surely her son will wish her a Happy Mothers Day. You’re an adult and she’s your father’s wife of one year and not your mother therefore no need to celebrate her as your mother. You’ll be thinking of your own mum on Mother’s Day. Your father and his wife should respect this.

The person wanting the drama is father's new wife.

Oh my i am sorry you ve been put in this situation.

i would ignore the request until i couldnt ignore it further in which case i would say “dad, with all the love and respect in the world i have for you, i will not wish her a happy mothers day. She has her son for that”.

i would also politely correct her in private “while technically you could be a stepmom, in reality you re not. If we want to develop a friendship i would ask you that you respect me and introduce yourself with your name or as dads wife but not as my mom step or not. Thank you”

it is about forming healthy relationship. You dont have to be arsey about it and you dont want to build up resentment. Just be kind and firm.

What a palaver. All is needed is a text saying Hi X, hope you have a good mother's day. "

Everyone happy and it's not proclaiming any relationship. No different to wishing someone merry Xmas or happy birthday

Some people on here really do like a bit of drama

Well I’m a Melburnite too and this is news to me. Obviously it’s one thing to be out with who are obviously your children on actual Mother’s Day and for someone to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day but aside from that I would find it very odd!

Okay, a Melbourne thing 🤣.

I always worked Christmas Day, Easter, Mother’s day etc. Staff would always wish each other Happy Xmas, was hit and miss for Easter (I think that became fraught long ago though), but never Mother’s Day. The public are no real indicator as I don’t think anyone ever even got a ‘Merry Christmas’ in decades from them, not that it matters or we expected it. I’ve never had a person outside work do this. Is it meant to be checkout operators or something that do it? If so, ours have been lacking. I can understand restaurants though saying it if they are putting on Mother’s Day meals/events, just like I guess they’d say ‘Happy Valentine’s day’ if they are doing meals accordingly. I’ve never been to a restaurant for any of these events though, so just guessing that you’d very likely get it there.

Yes , exactly. It’s certainly the done thing in Australia, in Melbourne for reference and without living in a commune as previously suggested. !

im currently in Aussie and was wished happy Mother’s Day by people whom aren’t my DC.

I’m not offended, the jesture was made with good intentions and I was clearly with my adult DC on the day.

I get that dad’s new wife isn’t your mum nor presented a motherly role in your life, but I like the idea off saying happy Mother’s Day to us all.. perhaps with a quick call if you are not seeing Dad on the day.

I gained a step mother at the age of 24, I have never given it a second thought that I should remember her on Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day is for me to remember my late mother.

Capitulation is calling her mum, and getting her a mother's day card that says 'mum'
Sending a card with no mention of 'mum' (or stepmum) is demonstrating non-capitulation while still keeping one's dad happy

Capitulation in order to appease someone else is never a good idea. As history teaches us. The price is your own personal freedom.

Tomato tomayto
What's the price of keeping the peace with a father?

Just a card- if you never lived with her she is not really your stepmother, I wouldn't make a big deal about her referring to herself like this though.

Me and my friends (all mums) wish each other a happy Mother’s Day and hope everyone is being treated. My mum died when I was a teenager and hell would freeze over before I sent anyone other than her a Mother’s Day card - thankfully I never faced that.
The most I would do is send a text ‘Hope you had a great Mother’s Day and son treated you’

I used to get her a bunch of flowers and say “thanks for all you do for us.” (Not that she did a great deal but it kept the peace)

I’m in a similar situation although my dad’s wife has been in the family now for about 20 years. She’s a lovely woman, she makes my dad happy and I enjoy spending time with her. But she’s not my mother, I’ve never treated her as my mother and there’s absolutely no chance I would ever wish her a happy Mother’s Day or send a card. The only person I would do that to died many many years ago.

Absolutely no way would I do this

IMO your dad is being very insensitive in asking you this.
Your mum is not replaceable - this woman hasn't raised you or made any kind of parental contribution to your life. She may be a nice woman but she's not your mother. I would say to my dad that it isn't appropriate and your only thoughts will be with your own mum and your child's mum on that day. He should feel ashamed of himself for trying to force this fake relationship on you!

A Dads new wife, or a Mums new husband, is only a step parent if they come into the child's life whilst they are a child (ie under 18) and they welcome the child into their life without conditions or expectations

No biological parent should try & force a parental relationship between their child & their new partner. It's more likely to lead to resentment & estrangement than anything else.

Once the child is an adult & forming their own relationship & having children the new partner is always going to be Fred/Jean, their parents spouse.

Of course she isn’t. A step mum is someone who’s “mothered” you - it would only apply if she’d been on the scene when OP was growing up.