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Original poster

Three boys - anyone relate?

85 replies

Threeboys27 · 09/05/2025 02:08

Posting in AIBU as I don’t think the people that can offer advice will be reading pregnancy..

Found out today our third and last baby is a boy. I’ll start by saying I am of course happy baby is healthy and that’s absolutely the most important thing.

Everyone in my life has been completely fixated on the gender for weeks, going on and on about how would I feel, what do I think it is, what will I do if it’s another boy(?), it’s like without me even saying it, everyone knew it would be a big deal to not have a girl.

I laughed it off finding out in the scan room, have joked with my family, hyped up my older boy that wanted a sister and told my friends it’s fine but in my own company I can’t stop crying and I’m genuinely gutted.

it’s not that I want to raise a little girl, I don’t feel like I’m missing out on the clothes or the hair or anything like that. I just feel like I’m grieving for my future self. I’m so close with my mum, she has an amazing relationship with my children, we lean on each other so much, I would struggle without her and she’d struggle without me. I have two brothers and I feel like I’ve always glued everyone together and kept them in check prioritising family, not to sound up my own arse but I think their lives and relationships with each other would look very different without me.

The majority of the men I know don’t have great relationships with their adult brothers, the women make all the calls about where the family spends their time and are generally much closer to the women’s family. This is my husband and brothers included.

I just can’t believe this is the life I have coming for me, no one to glue everyone together, they’ll all spend Christmas with their wives families, I won’t get to spend time with newborn grandchildren, I’ll sparsely hear from my boys. I just know how rubbish adult men are with their mums.

I’m wondering does anyone in my position with all adult boys feel like I’m being dramatic or is it justified to feel this way knowing how it turns out?

OP posts:
MoistVonL · 09/05/2025 05:00

My adult sons’ favourite people are each other. They live in different parts of the country but chat together several times a week. They organise online gaming sessions together. Sometimes they’ll see the same film at some time during a week so they can discuss it on their Sunday catch-up.

Having boys doesn’t mean you won’t have a close family. That society dumps the expectation to “maintain family relationships” on women does not mean only women can do that. If you raise a close, supportive and loving family, that doesn’t end when they grow up.

Don’t worry.

Springley · 09/05/2025 03:41

Yabu

I work with vunerable people and many have very caring sons who are heavily involved with them.

Daughters often move around now for work and relationships. You could have a daughter and they might be off living in Australia.

It's more about personality.

pincklop · 09/05/2025 03:09

I relate… want boys to grow up with a good family, and meet a good woman to have the grandkids, but that means they have a good mum who’s the grandma, not the boy grandma 🤣

BabyMrSun325 · 09/05/2025 02:52

Well tbf your brothers never needed to be the "glue" because you did it. You all grew up in a different dynamic. You are the mother so you can to a large extent shape expectations already.

My dad is one of 3 boys. They are VERY good to my grandparents. One of them is a true mummy's baby which is hilarious as he's 58. And they are super close. They still holiday together!!!

I think 3 boys is brilliant!

Pallisers · 09/05/2025 02:34

And with the newborn part - after my first birth I was really sick - we live on another continent to our families. my parents came out for 2 weeks but I was still not great so mil dropped everything to come out to me. It was such a special time for us - she was incredible to me and baby. The only thing she has ever said about my parenting in nearly 30 years was "you are a wonderful mother"

Pallisers · 09/05/2025 02:32

My MIL is the mother of 6 boys - oldest is 60 now.

Her sons are wonderful to her and she has really close relationships with all of her daughters in law and is a fab grandmother too - her grandchildren (some are girls!) adore her. It might be that one of your boys is the "glue" in the future like you are but that will be down to personality.

DH is close to all his brothers - I would consider one of them one of my best friends. We all stay close, spend holidays together, are there when it counts and organised a big birthday party for her recently. It isn't all beer and skittles, obviously, but it certainly wasn't with me and my sisters either!

Honestly OP, just don't worry. Your family will be great.

Eenameenadeeka · 09/05/2025 02:30

I think it's really down to how you nurture them and prioritize your family as children. If they grow up very close to you they will stay that way as adults. Start now - model that your husband's family are equally as important as yours. Spend half the Christmas/holidays with them.
I think the only difference is the newborn part - many women want their mother's around for birth, but aside from that, all the good men I know spend just as much time with their own family as they do with their wives family.

usandourfourboys · 09/05/2025 02:24

MrsMontgomerySmythe · 09/05/2025 02:20

Being a mom of only boys who are all adults now I can confirm it is wonderful.

I have 5 of the lovely chaps.

Two of whom have long term relationships.

We are all very close. And I have a very close relationship with both of the girlfriends. I think of them both as extra daughters. And one, whose own mother lives 1000s of miles away asked to call me mum.

Your adult relationships with your boys and their partners will be depend on the foundations you are laying with them as little boys. Please be reassured young can have very close relationships but yes it takes time and effort over many years.

i find that all 7 come and talk to me and Confide and I love them all so dearly. And I look forward to our family growing in love with more partners and one day grandchildren.

Being an all boy mum is a wild ride but I am sure in 1 years time you will not be able to imagine any other life.

You said it all perfectly there …

usandourfourboys · 09/05/2025 02:22

we have four boys , 24,20 .18 amd 11 and they all get along so well … they younger boy is worshiped by the older three … but our three older lads are super close and they always give me the biggest hugs you can imagine and they are like my own personal body guards … our youngest is watching tj and learning… no being a mammy of all boys is hard when they are young because the are so boisterous but I’ve never regretted not having a girl … your boys will learn from you and be the glue

MrsMontgomerySmythe · 09/05/2025 02:20

Being a mom of only boys who are all adults now I can confirm it is wonderful.

I have 5 of the lovely chaps.

Two of whom have long term relationships.

We are all very close. And I have a very close relationship with both of the girlfriends. I think of them both as extra daughters. And one, whose own mother lives 1000s of miles away asked to call me mum.

Your adult relationships with your boys and their partners will be depend on the foundations you are laying with them as little boys. Please be reassured young can have very close relationships but yes it takes time and effort over many years.

i find that all 7 come and talk to me and Confide and I love them all so dearly. And I look forward to our family growing in love with more partners and one day grandchildren.

Being an all boy mum is a wild ride but I am sure in 1 years time you will not be able to imagine any other life.

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