To think this is way too young to be thinking about sex

There were a few kids with permissive parents supposedly dating at 11 or so in my international school abroad back in the late 1980s/early 1990s.

I remember my friend being so mad when she told me she was 'going out' with so-and-so and I said, 'going out where?' She kept repeating 'going out' and I kept asking 'but WHERE?' and she took the cream puff. 😂

The poster you're snittily responding to didn't mention having boyfriends stay the night at 16 or dating at 11. They were referring to 11-12 years olds being curious or thinking about sex, which you yourself appear to think is par for the course.

Dating at 11? Is this a thing? I wouldn't encourage it. I'd encourage hobbies instead, sports, music, drama, art, scouts and focus on friendships not romantic relationships. There is plenty of time for that once their brain has matured a bit. Wouldn't want to have to mop up after a break up at that age either or have to deal with the regret of sharing such personal photos at that age.

OP, it's your son that has a girlfriend so maybe he's the ringleader with all the sex talk?

Excuse my ignorance, but wouldn’t he have learn about in school? Like actual lessons?
It is far too young IMO, but if he’s learnt about in the curriculum then I’m not all that surprised he’s talking about as it’s new phenomenon for him.

I was a 11yo boy in 1988 and then went to an all boys boarding school for 7 years and sex certainly wasn't our main topic of conversation - prob because we had stacks of clubs/activities every day and every weekend was full of sports and events which wouldn't have been available in our home village in West Wales and I think sex 'chats' etc were off topic until 16+ and that was just wishful thinking! But those were the days before iPhones and iPads etc

So very true and similar experience myself. Great post of advice

Good you are aware of the situation and keeping a keen eye on it

Totally age appropriate by the sounds of it. Make sure you also talk to him to get a feel of his understanding. I lost my virginity at 12 because no adult ever actually sat me down to have the chat, I was peer and partner pressured, and our hormones were raging and we were kids who didn't know better. Make sure as his parent you have a good talk with him.

I think that's ok as long as it's just chatter. Their hormones are on the move and some hit puberty younger than others. They are bound to discuss it.

Make sure he knows about consent and that the legal age is 16, but don't make a fuss about it. Such conversations are normal. He isn't a baby any more.

exactly. When I was in school, popular music was mainly American rap and RnB - kids at school would sing those with full awareness of what those explicit lyrics meant.

I agree. I clearly remember going to a sleepover in year 5 or 6 (so around age 10) and there was lots of (quite naive) talk about boyfriends, kissing and sex...

I also recall my brother seeming obsessed (in a "discovering the subject" kind of way) with talking about sex and girls around year 7.

I think it's a normal part of development.

you seem quite naive as nothing in the original post you quoted is wrong. Kids being aware of sex can happen in all families. I’m in my 20s and it would take a long time to list how 11 year olds may be exposed to it in 2025.

It’s as simple as group chats, older kids at school, social media (all forms), YouTube comments, indirect and direct google searches, gaming, tv shows, music videos, songs. I mean do you think kids have never come across a crude drawing of boobs in a public toilet or something? It’s not about what they are exposed to at home, it’s about the wider things they will come across outside of the immediate family unit.

my parents were absolute prudes and super strict yet I had just as much awareness of these things as any of my peers

The popular boys were twanging the popular girls bra straps in y7/8 when I was at school. It's not a new thing .

I’m in my 20s and I’m surprised that you are surprised about this.

Everyone at my school knew what sex is at that age. In fact I was probably more exposed to sex chat and innuendos when I was at school as opposed to adult life? It’s everywhere, music, shows, YouTube, fashion/beauty industry etc it’s cool to be seen as sexy/desirable at school. Boys that age are definitely commenting on female bodies and are aware of porn etc.

He is too young for a girlfriend.

It depends entirely on what ‘’dating’’ means to 11 year old kids. To most, it means holding hands and hugging. When I was in late primary school/ early secondary there were a few boys and girls ‘’going out’’ with each other, but in reality it was in name only. It’s kids play acting at being grown up, that’s it. They are just good friends. It’s the same for most 11 year olds who have boyfriends/ girlfriends. At most they might have a kiss, but just because they’re calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend and say they’re dating it doesn’t mean they’re having sex or planning it. That’s quite a leap.

Maybe in the sort of family that thinks it’s normal for 16 year old girls to have their boyfriends spending the night. But not in ours.

Curiosity is one thing. Kids age 11 dating is quite another.

I have a 12 year old boy who goes red in the face at the mention of how babies are made and isn’t one bit interested in girlfriends/boyfriends. I think what you’ve described is a bit concerning for their age tbh.

And to those of you who have chosen to rant at OP about how she is "not being a parent" (of course she is - if she was indifferent as to what happened to her child, why would she be posting on here in the first place?)

And about how you would "not allow" your child to have a boyfriend or girlfriend at this age, etc.....

Are you aware that all human beings possess the capacity for deception?

If you were yourself an 11 year old who, for whatever reason, wanted a boyfriend/girlfriend, and you had a mom and/or dad who forbade you to have one, what would you do?

If it were me, I simply wouldn't tell them.

I'm sure you think your child wouldn't lie to you/conceal things.

Do you think anybody readily believes their child would?

But, we have to be realistic. You know it happens. You know that not every child tells their parents everything they think, feel and do.

So what do you want to encourage/create? An atmosphere of honesty, openness, and free discussion?

Or an atmosphere of draconian judgement and fear?

(I have no idea if by writing this I will achieve anything at all. But if I cause just one of you to think again, maybe it's worth it).

I had an adult amount of pubic hair at ten and got my period when I was eleven, so the idea of eleven-year-olds not even being on the cusp of puberty is bizarre to me.

11/12 is on the younger side to become interested, but not abnormally so, in my opinion.

I remember having a keen interest in sex at around this age. Only one of my friends shared it, so when we had the chance we discussed it in depth (and those discussions were pretty weird, looking back on it now).

My daughter was the same - at around 11 she became very interested in sex, had strong crushes on certain celebrities etc. Her best friend is the same, and their discussions about it are pretty racy.

I have striven to keep an open, non-judgemental dialogue with her about this, answering her numerous questions in as honest a way as I can, while also keeping my answers age-appropriate. I acknowledge her sexuality, but also repeat that I would strongly advise her to wait until AT LEAST 16 before becoming sexually active in any way. (Explaining my reasons). I have also spoken to her openly about my strong objections to pornography, which she says she shares. (Of course we have all the blocks on her phone/the WiFi that you would expect, but we all know that a determined, intelligent, tech-literate teen can find a way around those at some point and view porn if she is utterly determined to, so a better bet I think is to help her understand why the porn industry is terrible and degrading, so she won't WANT to experiment with it).

I think "normal" covers quite a wide range - some people seem to develop strong sexual feelings/interest from around age 11, while for some this is only starting at around15/16 (or later/never in some cases).

OP, I don't think that the fact that your son and his friends are interested in sex is a problem in and of itself. But if I were you I would try to monitor the content of these discussions as much as you can, to ensure they aren't misogynistic; that no peer pressure is coming into play; etc.

If you appear judgemental, all you will achieve is encouraging him to conceal his views on sex from you.

Whereas what you want him to be is open and honest with you, I would think.

Also, it is developmentally appropriate for it to be just one of wide a range of interests. If he seems to be thinking/talking about sex to the exclusion of school work and other hobbies and interests, then I do think there is a problem which may require further exploration.

Good luck! Parenting is a bloody mine-field!.

My point is that even the kids whose parents restrict adult material can get access to information (correct or incorrect) one way or another, and that a kid knowing something about sex doesn’t automatically mean that he’s either being sexually abused or looking at porn.

It's the year they are taught sex ed in school? I think? Some kids are more verbal than others if they have older siblings (or abusive homes). If its innocent talk I'd ignore but keep an eye. If someone ar 11 is having sex then yes red flag central.

You come across as quite passive with all respect OP. If you’re not happy with who he’s mixing with then stop it. Who do you want to be his influences? Get him involved in sports, helping you with a shared hobby, pay him for chores.