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AIBU?

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Original poster

To just not really have my kids ‘ under control ‘ a lot of the time.. 3 and 5 years old

135 replies

jomek · 08/05/2025 20:03

I don’t really know how to describe it in detail. I will try.

I just don’t know if it’s normal, or if I’m just not very good at being a mum.

But I just feel like my kids are often just NOT LISTENING to me at all.

the simplest things, become a massive thing.

like when I pick them up form school. They’re always running off, rolling around on the grass and just generally not listening. God forbid I try to have a conversation with a teacher or something, they just constantly run off. I am often left chasing after them.

it’s so embarrassing.

at home it’s similar with all sorts of stuff. The only way they ever listen is if I really shout. I hate to do it and they get upset. But they’re just running rings around me constantly. I try to get them to bed and they spend a good 10 minutes just racing around/ chasing each other laughing / running away from me.

I can’t take them anywhere by myself really as I just don’t trust them not to just wonder off. I take them to the shop after school sometimes and it’s like herding sheep. It’s all quite stressful. I just wish they’d listen.

am I expecting to much?

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 08/05/2025 20:15

Positive reinforcement. Less talking. Set expectations, firm hand holding and stern face if they’re pissing about. Don’t respond verbally to the bad behaviour if possible but let them know you’re not happy by physically holding on to them so they walk properly. Surf board with poker face if they’re really kicking off. Praise and smiles for good behaviour.

Original poster
jomek · 08/05/2025 20:14

YoungSoak · 08/05/2025 20:12

Mine are similar ages and exactly the same. I sometimes resort to bribery to get them to get into the car and sit in their seats after nursery instead of running off. Bribe them with an ice lolly or something. Then there’s the refusing to get out of the car and into the house. It’s tedious.

I do that too. It works but it’s annoying.

omg I completely left out that they also refuse to get out of the car. Getting them from the car into the house is another headache. My little one is obsessed with cars.

OP posts:
ByeByeByeee · 08/05/2025 20:13

Mine were a bit of a handful too op, but both are ND, so that sort of explains it now in hindsight.

I do think people who mutter about "getting those kids under control harrumph" either had children a long time ago and can't remember how hard it is, never had children or had very easy children.

Re wandering off, we had some success with those little wrist tie things where you put one on their wrist and one on yours. Might work for the 3yo unless you're very against them

Original poster
jomek · 08/05/2025 20:12

Ah thanks @littlesnatchabookI often see other kids that just seem pretty chilled. Sometimes I see kids also giving their parents a hard time. My kids are just really lively, loud and outgoing. They want to talk to everyone and make friends with everyone. Whereas the shyer children ( generalising of course ) seem to listen more to their parents and just seem more chilled. Again I know that’s very general but it’s something I’ve noticed.

mine are just loud and in your face.

OP posts:
YoungSoak · 08/05/2025 20:12

Mine are similar ages and exactly the same. I sometimes resort to bribery to get them to get into the car and sit in their seats after nursery instead of running off. Bribe them with an ice lolly or something. Then there’s the refusing to get out of the car and into the house. It’s tedious.

hupsie · 08/05/2025 20:12

littlesnatchabook · 08/05/2025 20:10

I sympathise OP, I could have written this! Punishments don't work for mine or when they do they create bad feeling which is just shit. Id be interested to hear what kind of incentives you recommend though @PurpleChrayn?

Yes, this is DS to a point. My younger child is a lot more naturally sort of compliant and I find a lot of the strategies I read about actually work with her. DS is a lot more tricky to handle a lot of the time: he becomes belligerent and argumentative if you attempt to punish but attempts to talk it through don’t work either. It’s so tricky.

MyOliveHelper · 08/05/2025 20:11

I think when things have gone this far, you can't take a relaxed attitude to parenting. Every minute has to be scheduled, including time where there is unscheduled "free time" where things like chasing and rolling around are allowed.

Hands held at all times. No wandering off ever. No food or drink without asking. No playing with toys without asking. They ask to leave the table. They eat meals sat down and dont move until theyve eaten an appropriate amount.Nothing without explicit permission.

They have missed their window for learning appropriate discipline and self control, and now you need to try and scrape that back.

And no, this isn't how I do things with my kids, but I laid down the groundwork. This is how I'd do things with a child who has unfortunately missed out on that kind of beginning.

littlesnatchabook · 08/05/2025 20:10

I sympathise OP, I could have written this! Punishments don't work for mine or when they do they create bad feeling which is just shit. Id be interested to hear what kind of incentives you recommend though @PurpleChrayn?

Original poster
jomek · 08/05/2025 20:09

Wander off - not wonder off 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
PurpleChrayn · 08/05/2025 20:06

Put some sort of punishment/incentive in place so they do listen?

Mine are usually cooperative if I dangle something in front of them, metaphorically.

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