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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I over reacting ?

60 replies

Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 18:59

So when I was pregnant , my partner had an EA with someone at his work. We managed to sort things out but along the way more things have cropped up as they still work together which is annoying.

anyway tonight is a team night out etc, I’m not controlling him, he said he wasn’t sure if he was going because said girl would be there. There in a group chat about this event which he left straight away as he didn’t want her to get his number. He has asked his friends all of them if this person is going tonight before buying his ticket (they all know what have happened) they have all confirmed 100% no she is not going , so he said he will go but if she does end up going he will come home as he don’t want to cause problems and out of respect for me.

Well he is there, and so is she. I’m pissed off cos all of his mates lied to him to get him there clearly and he is now saying he is not coming home or he’s wasted money and I should get over it.

Im so upset as not only has he lied, again he is there with the woman he was talking to behind my back for well over a year. They used to exchange pictures and have gone out on a day out before (without my knowledge) honestly they were catching feelings. It only stopped cos I found out.

An I being over the top and dramatic or should I just be ok with it like he’s telling me to?

it screams massive disrespect again 😞

OP posts:
Mumofteenandtween · 08/05/2025 19:17

Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 19:12

In not 100% they done anything physical I’ve asked before and he swears blind they didn’t do anything else but I’m really not sure. Without solid proof I can’t say anything but it just seems like he would rather hurt my feelings then anyone else’s and it hurts honestly

Show quote history

You now have solid proof he is a liar though so I would assume he did.

How about this - tell us about your life and we will come up with practical things to make it easier to leave. It doesn’t mean you have to leave - it just means that if you want to it will be easier.

Tonkie18 · 08/05/2025 19:14

How can you carry on with this guy? He’s going to put you in all sorts of uncomfortable situations if you don’t put your foot down and demand some respect. Tell him to find somewhere else to stay tonight as he isn’t welcome in your home. It might make him think twice about his decisions.

Megifer · 08/05/2025 19:13

If there's alcohol it sounds like he's had a few and it's potentially getting a bit flirty and he's enjoying it.

Sorry op I know that won't help but it's one of the only explanations given he was adamant hed come home if she was there, yet he hasn't.

Original poster
Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 19:12

YaCannyKickYaGrannyInTheShin · 08/05/2025 19:11

he is there with the woman he was talking to behind my back for well over a year. They used to exchange pictures and have gone out on a day out before (without my knowledge) honestly they were catching feelings. It only stopped cos I found out.

I'm normally the last MNetter to say this but come on OP, you know it went further than an EA.

If you two are going to stay together, he should at least have been honest about the affair.

In not 100% they done anything physical I’ve asked before and he swears blind they didn’t do anything else but I’m really not sure. Without solid proof I can’t say anything but it just seems like he would rather hurt my feelings then anyone else’s and it hurts honestly

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 19:11

beetr00 · 08/05/2025 19:09

@Mamax32000019

why does a woman give up her agency to a man who decided she was not enough?

It's highly likely that you will not be able to trust him, again @Mamax32000019

Is that how see your and your child's life for the next 40-50 years?

eta; punctuation

Edited

Cos women are clearly better lovers than men.
id never do this to him and i keep saying it and he says we’re different people 😞 here i am sitting in tears asking him to come home and he’s ignoring my messsges and refusing to do what he said he would do 😞

OP posts:
YaCannyKickYaGrannyInTheShin · 08/05/2025 19:11

he is there with the woman he was talking to behind my back for well over a year. They used to exchange pictures and have gone out on a day out before (without my knowledge) honestly they were catching feelings. It only stopped cos I found out.

I'm normally the last MNetter to say this but come on OP, you know it went further than an EA.

If you two are going to stay together, he should at least have been honest about the affair.

beetr00 · 08/05/2025 19:09

@Mamax32000019

why does a woman give up her agency to a man who decided she was not enough?

It's highly likely that you will not be able to trust him, again @Mamax32000019

Is that how see your and your child's life for the next 40-50 years?

eta; punctuation

Original poster
Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 19:06

rubyslippers · 08/05/2025 19:02

What a prince!
of course he knew she’d be there
if he respected you even a tiny bit he’d come home
Sorry but this is not a situation I’d be happy staying in

Everyone understands where I’m coming from other than him! He’s saying because he’s not interested in her he shouldn’t see why he can’t be there and I said there was a point where he was interested in her though and he said even if he was single he wouldn’t be interested in her. He’s telling me all the things I want to hear, shame the actions don’t match the words 😞

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 08/05/2025 19:02

What a prince!
of course he knew she’d be there
if he respected you even a tiny bit he’d come home
Sorry but this is not a situation I’d be happy staying in

Original poster
Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 19:00

Mamax32000019 · 08/05/2025 18:59

So when I was pregnant , my partner had an EA with someone at his work. We managed to sort things out but along the way more things have cropped up as they still work together which is annoying.

anyway tonight is a team night out etc, I’m not controlling him, he said he wasn’t sure if he was going because said girl would be there. There in a group chat about this event which he left straight away as he didn’t want her to get his number. He has asked his friends all of them if this person is going tonight before buying his ticket (they all know what have happened) they have all confirmed 100% no she is not going , so he said he will go but if she does end up going he will come home as he don’t want to cause problems and out of respect for me.

Well he is there, and so is she. I’m pissed off cos all of his mates lied to him to get him there clearly and he is now saying he is not coming home or he’s wasted money and I should get over it.

Im so upset as not only has he lied, again he is there with the woman he was talking to behind my back for well over a year. They used to exchange pictures and have gone out on a day out before (without my knowledge) honestly they were catching feelings. It only stopped cos I found out.

An I being over the top and dramatic or should I just be ok with it like he’s telling me to?

it screams massive disrespect again 😞

i must add, at work they work in different departments so they can avoid each other and don’t have to talk to each other

OP posts: