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Original poster

DH embarrassing himself on local Facebook page

216 replies

GiraffePoster · 08/05/2025 16:16

I’ve been alerted by several people who know me about posts my DH has made on our town’s local community page and underneath articles posted on the newspapers Facebook page.

These are varying level of inappropriate/offensive depending on your views on certain topics. Some are outright rude. Immigration, migrant hotels etc

He appears to have only just started doing this in the past couple of weeks. I’ve confronted him and he has admitted it and basically said he’s just having a laugh and winding people up who take things too seriously.

I have asked him to stop this as it is embarrassing for me and we also have young DC who people will know.

He has said it’s his social media and I can’t control this, and that Facebook will delete his account if they feel what he’s posting is wrong, and they haven’t taken anything down.

Am I being controlling to suggest he should delete his account? The damage is done to an extent, but I want to save further embarrassment.

OP posts:
Blackdow · 08/05/2025 17:43

Whippetlovely · 08/05/2025 17:41

Why does someones politics matter when it comes to their ability to do a good job? Personally I'd want the best worker for the job. It's none of my business what party they support and totally irrelevant as long as they do a good job.

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I don’t know any company a social media policy. Genuine political discussion is fine, but racism is not. Misogyny is not (“I bet she is single” about a middle aged, recently widowed woman).
It brings a company into disrepute if their employees are openly racist.

Whippetlovely · 08/05/2025 17:41

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 08/05/2025 17:24

I always scout trades on our FB group and last week was looking for a plumber.

I genuinely click on a few profiles to see evidence of work etc and came across several that had the standard 'Reform' posts scattered on their profiles.

Easily sifted out

Edited

Why does someones politics matter when it comes to their ability to do a good job? Personally I'd want the best worker for the job. It's none of my business what party they support and totally irrelevant as long as they do a good job.

Blackdow · 08/05/2025 17:41

He’s just a racist, OP. Sorry he is your husband.

LakieLady · 08/05/2025 17:39

GiraffePoster · 08/05/2025 17:10

Yes I’m in the group, I’m far from an avid social media user but have been on there more often since my friends told me. He seemed to be toning it down but then started up again yesterday saying he thinks Farage should be the next PM which kicked off a big debate.

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Bloody hell, that's the sort of thing that should never be said in jest.

I seriously considered going NC with my "D"B when I found out he'd voted for the odious cunt, but as DB has significant MH issues and no other family, I thought I shouldn't.

Icexream · 08/05/2025 17:39

Fwiw I do think it's possible to have concerns about the level of immigration , without being racist, and one of the reasons Reform etc have been so successful is that for too long people havent been "allowed" to express those views without being labelled racist, but OP's DH is definitely racist.

BurntBroccoli · 08/05/2025 17:38

GiraffePoster · 08/05/2025 16:21

I don’t believe him to be racist. But any time something is posted on the paper about new houses, developments etc he will reply ‘that’ll be for the new arrivals’ or something similar to that

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There is an absolute ton of these comments at the moment and they have nothing to do with the story.

Everything is made out to be about immigration. Most comments are racist and very offensive. There was one yesterday who wanted border security to fire shots at the boats to sink them and leave the people to drown. Truly awful and I bet they say worse things in Private groups.

It’s as though the Reform wins last week have given them even more of a voice. I wouldn’t be surprised if they turned into organised mobs this summer.

BlueTitShark · 08/05/2025 17:37

So he is a troll, getting kicks out of winding peoole up.

You or your friend making comments won’t make a difference.
Nor will other people in town taking offence. This will spur him on!

But I suspect one if his friends telling him it’s making him look like a twat will.
Is there some people in the group that he is friends with and could give him a reality check?

Butchyrestingface · 08/05/2025 17:36

Ethelflaedofmercia · 08/05/2025 17:34

He’s a grown man, I cannot believe people are “alerting” you about his posts

I think a lot of people would want to know if their husband and father of their kids had potentially morphed into a sexist, zenophobic, hairy-handed troll online.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 08/05/2025 17:36

A teenager could be forgiven
A fully functioning adult, no it’s offensive
whether you believe him to be racist or not
he is certainly a xenophobe

LakieLady · 08/05/2025 17:35

dovetail22uk · 08/05/2025 17:10

Free speech and hate speech are not the same.

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Thank you @dovetail22uk .

This is a distinction that a fair few people struggle to make.

Ethelflaedofmercia · 08/05/2025 17:34

He’s a grown man, I cannot believe people are “alerting” you about his posts

BoredZelda · 08/05/2025 17:32

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 17:31

Rude doesn’t mean racist though!

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Sure, it’s entirely possible to be rude about immigration and migrant hotels without being in the least bit racist.🤨

Bogfrog · 08/05/2025 17:31

I honestly think I would have to walk away from him, it’s absurd behaviour.

BoredZelda · 08/05/2025 17:31

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 17:28

Well it depends on what he’s saying. I do wish the contingent of people equating being anti uncontrolled immigration to racism would actually educate themselves as to the impact it is having on the country, especially poorer areas.

Having strong views about the problems uncontrolled immigration and lack of integration causes is not the same as racism.

Only you can tell what his wider views are, we don’t know.

Yes, education about immigration is definitely necessary.

https://www.tradeandbusiness.uk/news/six-reasons-why-the-uk-needs-immigration

Six reasons why the UK needs immigration — UK Trade and Business Commission

Today is the United Nations' International Migrants Day, a day to shine a spotlight on the invaluable contributions of millions of migrants around the world. In a debate so often defined by negativity and misrepresented by those on the right of British...

https://www.tradeandbusiness.uk/news/six-reasons-why-the-uk-needs-immigration

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 17:31

BoredZelda · 08/05/2025 17:29

That wouldn’t be rude, as stated in the OP.

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Rude doesn’t mean racist though!

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/05/2025 17:30

Dweetfidilove · 08/05/2025 16:43

He sounds like a prat in my local FB page. Prattles on about new arrivals even though we know all the properties being bought around here are by private developers building luxury townhouses etc.
Everyone thinks he's an ass, but he seems to enjoy being so.

Same in my area.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 17:30

outerspacepotato · 08/05/2025 17:29

Nothing like being a racist misogynistic troll for laughs.

I would divorce as I'm mixed race and don't tolerate racists and misogynists. But I wouldn't have married him in the first place.

You and your children will always be associated with his racist and offensive posts.

Where does the OP say he’s posting racist comments?

Lucelady · 08/05/2025 17:29

This is just leg crossing for me. I wouldn't fancy my DH if he was like this. Would he shut up if you told him this?

I think I'd put the disclaimer up, 'this idiot is sadly my idiot and I do not share his views'.
My BFF moved in with her hot younger man and he turned out to be a fascist. Vile statements. He'd kept it well hidden for nearly a year. He told her Polish SIL he admired Hitler and Trump.
She's moving out thank God.

BoredZelda · 08/05/2025 17:29

pinkstripeycat · 08/05/2025 17:27

Op didn’t say racist. They just said about migrants. Doesn’t mean it’s racist. The DH might have said welcome migrants! Oooh people like you love to jump on the everyone is racist bandwagon!

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That wouldn’t be rude, as stated in the OP.

outerspacepotato · 08/05/2025 17:29

Nothing like being a racist misogynistic troll for laughs.

I would divorce as I'm mixed race and don't tolerate racists and misogynists. But I wouldn't have married him in the first place.

You and your children will always be associated with his racist and offensive posts.

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 08/05/2025 17:28

Well it depends on what he’s saying. I do wish the contingent of people equating being anti uncontrolled immigration to racism would actually educate themselves as to the impact it is having on the country, especially poorer areas.

Having strong views about the problems uncontrolled immigration and lack of integration causes is not the same as racism.

Only you can tell what his wider views are, we don’t know.

pinkstripeycat · 08/05/2025 17:27

PullTheBricksDown · 08/05/2025 16:19

What, so he's 'having a laugh' posting racist comments about migrants? That sort of thing?

If so, I'd have to post underneath that you've told him to stop embarrassing himself like this. At least distance yourself.

Op didn’t say racist. They just said about migrants. Doesn’t mean it’s racist. The DH might have said welcome migrants! Oooh people like you love to jump on the everyone is racist bandwagon!

crackofdoom · 08/05/2025 17:26

Where he commented "I bet she's single", could you simply reply "As will you be if you keep this up"?

LakieLady · 08/05/2025 17:26

GreenPinkYellowOrange · 08/05/2025 16:34

It doesn’t matter if he’s not using his surname, he could be using Mickey Mouse, it only takes one person report it to his employer and he’d be out for bringing disrepute to the company. My sister is a nurse, she worked with someone who was doing exactly the same as your husband, someone reported her and she lost her job as was deemed gross misconduct. No employer wants to have their company tarred with hiring people with racist attitudes.

The organisation I work for has a social media policy that forbids posting anything that could damage the reputation of the organisation and explicitly references material that could be considered racist, sexist, homophobic or xenophobic. It might well have transphobic included now, my contract was issued 18 years ago.

Something like this could well be a disciplinary matter if your DH worked for them!

steff13 · 08/05/2025 17:25

JoyousEagle · 08/05/2025 17:18

Jump the shark is a pretty well known phrase. It’s not a weirdly niche MN thing.

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Exactly. It originated from an episode of Happy Days that aired in 1977. So it's been a common phrase for nearly 50 years.

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