DH embarrassing himself on local Facebook page

As an admin of our local community Facebook Group, I would say he needs to be very careful. In some cases, other members have identified people who do this on our group and notified employers or shared detailed information on the people posting. I remove this but the rules of our group are pretty clear and racist misogynistic stuff also but sometimes on a Friday / Saturday night a thread will get out of hand - often as someone is just "winding people up".

Ew.

Even without the widow detail this reveals him to be a vile misogynist as well as a racist.

I could not stay with him.

Ew.

My neighbours husband does this.
He posts racist, misogynistic and homophobic content regularly.

He's married with a teenage daughter who had just announced she's gay.

I can't believe his wife stays with him. He's disgraceful.

100% I would leave a man like this. He's garbage OP. You can do better.

I had someone come to give me a quote for some work and he seemed really nice. I said that I had to leave soon as we were going to vote in The Local Elections and he started talking all sorts of racist shite.
I just looked at him and said that we really needed to go out now and I think he realised and tried to back pedal telling me he had "black friends".
I told him not to worry about sending a quote, he did anyway and I ignored it and his follow ups.

He sounds horrible. And stupid. Sorry OP.

I work in immigration. I hate to say this, but being racist means helping to uphold a system where one people are more important and worthy of respect or privileges than another. Your DH is creating and supporting that system, therefore he is a racist. No matter what his intention is.

Sounds like you’re married to someone you don’t really know.
You can’t control him expressing himself online, but you can control how you react to it face to face.

Ah so he's a keen racist then..cool cool cool.

I’ve just asked my lovely DH and he confirms it definitely isn’t him.

HTH.
😁😁

Not sure what would be worse out of these two options. Actually a racist or thinks it’s a laugh to pretend to be. Either way I’m not sure I could be in a relationship with someone like this. I can imagine it’s not just this where he behaves like a dick.

That makes you just as bad calling him childish names.

If he is really getting a kick out of this, as many do, get him to open a new account under different name with no profile pic. He is being judged by everyone that knows or doesn't know him and some will agree and some will despise him as a result. He is wrong that any potential future employer might not find his posts some can be very thorough. He sounds pretty immature tbh and bullying people for the laughs is pretty horrible behaviour.

I would frame it to him in a way that will get to him. He clearly gets a kick out of teasing/ wind-ups, without caring of the impact.

Having been on the receiving end of these wind-ups, and hating them with a vengeance, the only thing that worked to counteract them was to somehow chip away at the bullies self image.

Declaring their actions ‘boring’ or cowardly in a dismissive tone. ‘Oh God are you at your cowardly nonsense again. It’s so boring…etc.’

Men like the this used to have such conversations in the local pub with a few supporters and a lot of avoiders. Now that going to the pub after work is no longer a thing, we're stuck with them in the house, spouting away on SM. They are as boring, friendless and tedious as they ever were. Pub bores at home.

He sound embarrassingly infantile.

He's one of those, got a few people similar to him on my local page usually older, white and male spouting off their racist nonsense and trying to cover it up as 'banter' I can guarantee they're going to come out with 'boat people' or if there's an article about housing to "just arrive here on a dingy and they'll put you in a 5 star hotel", I block them because I'm sick of seeing it on all the local pages, the worst one was I saw an article about a local missing child who happens to be Muslim and the comments on that made me feel sick, anyway OP I couldn't be with someone like that knowing how uneducated they are, he's making himself look like an idiot so you are right to be embarrassed by him

He talked a lot. I'm not going to go into it on here but it wasnt far off what you said. I had to let him finish the job as he was half way through but made sure not to be in the same room as him. I would not use him again or recommend him.

Facebook rarely deletes people’s accounts. They won’t even delete a fake account made about a family member to bully and slag them off. So he’s wrong about that.

And yes I can see why you’re upset. He’s being publicly offensive and your family’s reputation is being ruined due to it. I doubt he’d shout his opinions in the street or pub. So he’s just a disgusting little Facebook gammon.

Well personally I prefer people like your dh to be easy to find on sm so that I know to avoid them.
I had a lovely colleague who didn’t do sm at all but her dh did. After she had her first dc a mutual friend said I could see some baby pics if I looked on the dh’s fb page.
There were some beautiful pics. There were also the most racist comments I’d ever seen.
After a few years the comments stopped so I think the dh was probably advised to be more careful, I don’t believe for one minute he’s any less racist.

I can assure you there are people who will bring racism into any conversation at the drop o a hat, If you get to know them you wait for it, hoping to be wrong of course, that this time will be different, but five minutes and they are in. My late husband had an uncle like that. I know a lot of people do have embarrassng uncles but he took the biscuit.

It doesn't surprise me at all that a decorato does it.

He's doing a great impression of a racist then. 🤨

Ask him to explain to you why "winding up people" he doesn't know is more important to him than his wife and children. Don't let him get away with a vague nonsensical answer. Keep pressing him.

I would absolutely have a row about this. You and your DC deserve to be treated with respect.

I think you should reply ' oh yes that's my husband making dickhead comments'.

When that gets back to him, just say its your opinion and he can't control this, however he could divorce you but he hasn't done this yet. If he gets annoyed just say I'm just having a laugh and he is taking it too seriously.

So, not just a racist but misogynistic too. How utterly embarrassing for you.

I wouldn’t want to be seen dead or alive with him. Not sure I’d have anything to say to him, ever again.

You can NEVER get rid of your digital footprint. He might delete it but that doesn’t mean it’s gone or won’t resurface. This could bite him in the bum in decades to come. If any of his clients see it he could very easily start losing contracts.