Am I a neglectful parent for this?

If she’s really all that concerned (which I highly doubt) then she can come and help you out a bit and watch DD, if not then she can keep her opinions to herself. Good on your DH. Don’t dwell on it XX.

i definitely wouldn’t class it as neglectful but I also couldn’t relax! I have a two year old and he would be up to all kinds of mischief if left to his own devices for half an hour, yours must be much better behaved than mine! You know your home and layout and know what is safe so as long as there’s nothing that can harm her it should be fine.

my 2 year olds bedroom is 100% baby proofed, no heavy furniture as he has a dressing room, floor bed, fluffy rug, some toys and books and that’s about it. When I need to cook dinner/get a shower and get dressed or otherwise just need 10 minutes, I stick him in there with baby gate across the door, and watch what he’s upto on the baby monitor, he’ll potter about and play and look at books for a good 30 minutes before getting fed up and shouting for me. Maybe if you stuck a baby monitor somewhere so you could watch what she was up to and could intervene quickly if necessary you would feel better?

Yes I would do this, your flat is child proof and she sounds like the sort of kid who just potters about a bit and won't cause havoc. I understand why some people wouldn't though, I probably wouldn't have done it with 2 of my 4 kids but would have with the other 2.

I personally wouldn’t do it but if you’re certain she’s safe then it’s your call.

This absolutely wouldn't have been safe with either of mine at that age, or even my three year-old now.

But you know your own child and have taken precautions that you feel are enough. Your husband agrees.

After many years as a childminder I have lost count of the number of times we are told not to leave children unattended at all, accidents happen at any time.

I definitely wouldn’t be doing this tbh. It’s one of those situations where everything is fine, until it really isn’t. A two year old is curious and ultimately we don’t know what their next moves are, however chilled and calm they maybe.

Id perhaps bring her in the bathroom with you, or put a safety gate on her bedroom door.

Is she a young 2 yo or closer to 3?

Do not be guilt tripped into not looking after yourself. I think MIL is a little jealous you can do this.

I don't think it's "neglectful", but if I'm being totally honest it's a level of risk that I wouldn't personally be comfortable with.
I work with children and families so I know all too well that even the most "chilled out" 2 year olds who are not usually prone to mischief can just decide to do something completely random and dangerous out of the blue one day. You've clearly gone to a lot of effort to risk assess your environment but again, experience tells me that even in the most carefully and conscientiously child-proofed homes there can be unidentified choking hazards/trip hazards/climbing hazards.

Being heavily pregnant with sciatica means you would most likely be slow getting out of the bath if your DD did have some sort of accident and need urgent help.
Ultimately though, your child, your rules. Your DH was absolutely right to tell MIL to mind her own business.

I'd be side eyeing the MIL here. My MIL would be offering to come entertain/take out her grandaughter while I lay in the bath. Not laying the boot in my parenting! You're in pain because you're pregnant with her grandchild FFS.

I'm glad it works for you, and you seem to have a response for every eventuality... however, it's not something that I would ever do. I remember when I completed a paediatric first aid course and the course leader asked "how long do you think you can leave a baby or toddler unattended". The answer was "not at all" and he then went on to list accidents/injuries that he had responded to. I think a 2 year old is too little, they do unpredictable things. I'm aware that you can't have eyes on your children every minute of every day, but 30 minutes lay in a bath is little different putting a wash on or nipping to the loo.

if she’s in and out, it’s all one level and you can hear her then it’s no different to her playing in her room with you popping in and out.

You know your child and your house, your husband agrees. You are both the ones who know best.
I love that your Dh has your back.

🤣🤣🤣have you? It’s something I’m paranoid about obviously… but more for when I’m bathing my daughter no electricity near her bath!🫠

I hope you feel better OP. You’re going through a tough time. My advice would be to limit what you share with MIL moving forward. I think it is unforgivable (and unwise) to try to create division between a couple like this… snide entitlement to criticize you to your husband.

Why doesn’t your MIL offer to look after your dd once a week instead of cliping on you? Not very kind.

Like some PPs, I wouldn't do it. I'd just keep her in the bathroom with me. IME 2-year-olds can sometimes get up to mischief (i.e., manage to do something dangerous) as soon as they are not actively supervised. It's often something they have never done before, just to keep us on our toes! 😅

But if you're happy with the situation, that's all that matters. You've assessed the risks, you know your child best.

Sounds fine to me, provided you know you can get yourself out of the bath quickly should you need to!

Where on earth does one find a 2 year old happy to play and potter while their mum soaks in the bath? At that age, both of my feral boys would have either screamed to get in, tried to climb something inappropriate, tried to chuck the most inappropriate toy in or just generally tried to find a way to kill themselves/me.

But if your DD is placid and isn’t distressed it is absolutely fine! Enjoy yourself OP!

But if I was the mil , I'd be offering to take your 2 year old out for an hour in the afternoon so you could relax properly ( assuming no work commitments)

Exactly. Instead of moaning to her son, she could offer to help if possible. That’s what a decent family member would do instead of talking to someone else about it.

Sciatica when pregnant can be unbearable.
How deeply unhelpful her remark was.
You sound like a loving mother doing her best.
Yes I think she was probably lashing out about the birthday.
How unpleasant and unkind of her.
Best of luck.

You will know your own DC best. I could have done this with my eldest but not my youngest. As long as you're confident that she is safe there is nothing wrong with it and it is not neglectful. I think the expectation to be entertaining children every minute of the day is too much, some independent play time is good for them.

I think this is absolutely fine, it's ok to trust your own judgement.

Same id shut the kid in the bathroom with me but I'm hugely overparanoid from the awful injuries I've seen with kids admitted to work

You've clearly done a thorough risk assessment and literally everything that could happen to your DC in this time you are in the bath could also happen if you were on the toilet so what are you expected to do, never poo or pee unless there's another adult to have eyes on DC?

I'd say at least 50% of my parenting is done with my ears not my eyes (hence why I hate Christmas, too many new toys and noises I need to try and work out what I'm listening to until at least mid Jan lol)

If you were getting in the bath without doing your risk assessment, making sure doors and windows are locked, no meds lying around etc then sure that's not great and I'd be concerned, but you are so crack on and ease the pain. Surely not getting in the bath and being in pain potentially making you grumpy and less able to be mobile to respond to a random emergency is the more shit parenting choice!