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Original poster

To forgive DP for the unforgivable.

83 replies

TwinklyAmberSquid · 08/05/2025 15:11

DP lied about finances, job status, entire scenarios... the lot. I have a good amount of self esteem...but for some reason I didn't leave, we worked through it and we are now past it. Genuinely.

I confided in a friend about what happened (we are 2 years past it now) and she looked at me like I had two heads and unleashed a lot of "I'd leave...I'd never put up with that...Are you sure..."

I told her I trusted my instincts when they told me something was up, and I trusted my instincts when they told me he's changed.

What's the biggest thing you've forgiven DP for? What was the outcome?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 08/05/2025 17:46

You’ve got past it, why does it matter If someone else wouldn’t?
Don't compare your situation to anyone else’s.
Although now I’m coming along with my 2 penny’s worth, I could never trust dh ever again if he had lied about anything as fundamental (to me) as finances.
If you’re got money or not, debt or not, just be honest.
Without trust I couldn’t stay with dh.
But I’m not you and vice versa. We’re all different and have different boundaries and that’s just fine.

TY78910 · 08/05/2025 17:45

I think if you’ve persevered for the last two years, and you are absolutely sure that nothing has happened since, then the comment from your friend is almost irrelevant. She could express the shock that you did forgive And move on, but it doesn’t mean that you should be changing your initial decision. If this was a few months, I’d be saying she’s right. But two years (Unless you’re genuinely unhappy, the trust still isn’t there) I’d be saying, don’t look back and don’t open up old wounds as it will bring back a lot of conflict.

Agix · 08/05/2025 17:43

It would depend how stretched the lies were.

I'd forgive my partner for a little exaggeration, a little rose tinted specs..

But outright life altering lying? Big ones? I'm not sure I could trust him again.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 08/05/2025 17:41

WhatNoRaisins · 08/05/2025 17:36

I think it's easier to say that you'd never forgive something when you're just an outside observer and not a person invested in a relationship.

Exactly this. To err is human, to forgive divine.
I haven’t been in the OPs position (yet?) but I think it can take more self esteem to make your own judgement to continue a relationship like the OP has, than to end it because you are worried about what others will say or think if you stay.

WhingeInTheWillows · 08/05/2025 17:41

Are you always looking out for more lies? I don’t think I could forgive so much. It would always be at the back of my mind and I’d always be watching for more lies. That’s no way for a relationship to progress.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/05/2025 17:36

I think it's easier to say that you'd never forgive something when you're just an outside observer and not a person invested in a relationship.

Swiftie1878 · 08/05/2025 17:35

Changed or not, no way I’d still be there.
He can be a changed man with someone else.

Exasperated24 · 08/05/2025 17:27

Exactly the same as you OP. I forgave all those things .

Until they happened again and again. We’re not together now. Thank God.