Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

My husband has been obese, sometime morbidly, and diabetic since we met 37 years ago.

After very serious illness, though, he has recently lost a great deal of weight. Which is fantastic, obviously.

I have never, never thought of him as repulsive because I love him.

Don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve just finished off last night’s leftover crisps after reading this thread.

Pickle flavour.

Right, but you don’t get to the point of doctors advising you to lose weight by living on salad. So you did also have unhealthy eating habits?

And I honestly don’t think you can really judge how someone relaxes in their own home.

Right… but until very recently this was also OP. So, hypocritical?

But that was the OP a month ago so what's the difference?

The only difference now is that she's made a start on changing herself and he hasn't.

Give it a while and he may well do, but not just because the OP has clicked her fingers at him.

meh i hear ya OP! i'd find this super unattractive too! i'd personally not want to be with someone who didn't care they were overweight and didn;t want to do anything to sort it out! Why should you have to look at a big fat man eating junk on the sofa with his belly hanging out every evening!

You made a decision for yourself, he makes decisions for himself. And I’m sure as you have also been overweight you can agree that you have to WANT to change and WANT to lose weight, it doesn’t happen just because someone else starts to.

Is it type two diabetes as being overweight and carrying a lot of belly fat are leading causes of insulin resistance.

Diet is obviously an important way of controlling the condition:as a diabetic he shouldn’t be eating lots of foods high in sugar.

Uncontrolled diabetes can lead to all sorts of health issues including heart attacks and strokes.

So yes you should be annoyed he isn’t taking better care of himself.

The bloke's lying on his own sofa.

The OP is annoyed he's eating what she can't.

I don't imagine there's more to it than that but I guess we'll never know.

Of course I could be wrong. But the way OP described him lying on the sofa with his stomach out and went on to say she felt he was doing it deliberately, one does have to wonder…

Well done on your weight loss OP. I sense you've touched a few nerves here.
You can't help how you feel, nor can you make your DH change. He has to decide to do that for himself. Just keep going for yourself. Hopefully the healthier meals that you are making will have some small impact on him, regardless of his snacking.

Haven’t you talked about it? Not sure why it would annoy you if there has been no discussion about it.

I’m in the same position with my husband. I’m worried about his health and he isn’t doing anything about it. I don’t like that but he is an adult and it is his choice. I know how hard it is for me to try and change habits so I can’t fault him for finding it too hard either.

@FredoandToto not even if you were diabetic?!

Just because you’ve found the motivation doesn’t mean he has. And you know he needs to want to lose weight before he can.

He’s an adult making awful decisions that a child wanting junk food would make. She married an adult, not a dependent.

She's been at it for a couple of months! Presumably, she understands that junk food is made to be addictive, and, until recently, quite liked eating it, or she would never have been fat in the first place.

Yes, you’ve done something about your weight (genuine kudos), but the OP’s H hasn’t

And neither was I but I am now and I still eat more crisps than necessary on occasion! Most people do. Very few people are perfect.

But her H isn’t 8 stone, is he!

Yes but she's still expecting immediate action from him because she's made a decision.

If weight loss worked that way, no-one would be fat.

They'd just say "Oh, ok then" and spring into weight loss action.

Point still stands. I’m 8 stone and I still eat a whole pack of Pringles now and again. Lost 4 stone kept it off and wouldn’t thank anyone for judging my eating habits.

People get so high and mighty when they’ve lost abit of weight. They think they become experts at it, and they start to loathe what they themselves once were.

Yeah, it's like the preachy segments of vegans. It is the opposite of helpful.

It wasn’t just a large 150g packet. It was also with his belly out.

It’s obviously repulsive on an objective level…it’s why Onslow in Keeping Up Appearances was styled the way he was.

yes, the H is a grown up… which is why it’s even more angering for the OP, I would suppose. He’s an adult making awful decisions that a child wanting junk food would make. She married an adult, not a dependent.

My fitness has encouraged my dh, slowly but surely.

I invite him to classes or for a walk. I try not to mention losing weight too much. But he’s noticed my change in body and how toned I am and it’s working on him.

sometimes your partner can be resistant to being told what to do constantly. Even for their benefit. 🙄

also let him have his belly out! He’s at home. He doesn’t need you or him to make him feel bad about his body to lose weight. You could even give it a rub and kiss and give a compliment.

try the carrot rather than the stick