Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

I really understand where you’re coming from OP. I’ve really struggled with my weight for about 8 years now. I hate how large I am and I hate my compulsion to eat. I’ve confided this, and more, to my husband and have asked him multiple times to help me/support me. I don’t necessarily want him to diet as such but if he would just not bring junk food into the house and helped with healthy meals, but he doesn’t seem to want to help. It makes me sad, and I wish he would change heart because in all other realms of life he supports me.

so, a long way of saying that I know how much that support means and how much easier it would be if he joined in (even if only for the
food consumed in the house).

All you can do is focus on yourself, be clear on your goals and motives and push on!

I think people are being a bit harsh, you're doing well and trying hard because the doctors told you both you're making yourselves seriously ill. You've taken the lead and are planning healthy meals and he's then eating sharer packets of crisps to himself in front of you. I think if you were only doing it for vanity reasons that's one thing, but he's actively damaging himself permanently.
Sadly, you can't make him do it. I'm surprised he does it so blatantly in front of you, it's almost rubbing your face in it. I wonder if he needs counselling to realise this is serious. If you have kids I'd be having a really serious chat. Myself and my husband are on a health kick because we want to be around for our kids and grandkids and we want an active and fun retirement, I'd be so disappointed if he didn't see that as a worthwhile goal.

When the person you love lets themselves go and does nothing to fix it - they can start to look repulsive to you! It’s hard (not to mention extremely frustrating) to sit back and let them get bigger and more unhealthy. Well done OP!

Unless I've missed something, I don't think OP said she couldn't have one packet of crisps if she fancied one? Being on a diet doesn't rule out having the odd treat.

(Edit: actually, scratch that, I've just realised it was a family pack of crisps!)

I would keep modelling good behaviour, cooking healthy but tasty meals and I'd try to limit snacks in the house if possible and if you do have snacks buy single portion not family size. Also, perhaps get into the habit of going for a walk around the neighbourhood together in the evening after dinner without making it a chore, a nice stroll and chat is a good way to get exercise without feeling like it's exercise.

But OP only bothered to make changes a month ago, and presumably her DH has been eating the way he is for a while.

He's not suddenly turned repulsive and unpleasant just because she's started a diet

Just going to throw my experience in here, DP and I are a nightmare for takeaways and junk food, always have been.

I suppose I am a yoyo dieter always lose 1.5 stone and then gradually put it back on over a couple of years and then lose it again.

I always got frustrated with DP when he wouldnt stick with something longer than a couple of days! Then realised I would need to do it for myself and he can ask to join if wanted.

DP has epilepsy but up until earlier this year he hadnt had a fit for 11 years (part of his greed is actually the fact he’s on steroid based medication that makes him hungry), but his unhealthy lifestyle unfortunately caught up on him and he had a fit a few months ago. He bit his tongue so bad he could only drink protein shakes for a couple of weeks and dropped 2.5 stone, since then he’s been much much healthier and we’re doing it together, which does make it so much easier!

My point is, I’m not sure what will kick your DH’s backside into gear, but diabetes doesnt seem to be it and until he wants to do it for himself you wont be able to make him.

How does the food shopping work in your house @BoldAmberDuck ?
Meal planning? Budget? Cooking?
Can you leave him to buy his own snacks or whatever he wants after dinner?

I think it may be fair to point out besides OP and partner both being diabetic - OP has stated she was a couple of stone overweight and has now lost 1 - and never slobbered around flashing her gut eating outsized family size bags of crisps - I think many may be interpreting it as hypocritical because she was hugely obese- clearly this wasn’t the case- She did say her H was significantly more overweight than she was. At the end of the day he is diabetic and many of you commenting on personal pig outs or partners pig outs probably aren’t diabetic, nor are your partners - so the situation is not the same - it is not unreasonable to want him to take a bit more care with his condition -

I've lost weight (9st) and I've never expected anyone to hide what they're eating, this is a "me" thing, not them.....plus, showing his belly in his own home on his own sofa shouldn't be a big deal.....the main issue is you finding him repulsive

Was your behaviour exactly the same as his prior to you losing weight?

OP is this more about the fact he's not actively supporting you/cheering you on?
OR
is it more that he doesn't seem attractive to you anymore as you are starting to lose weight so you are noticing how big he actually is now your getting slimmer?
My partner is obese and that's not me being unkind, by NHS standards his bmi classes him as this but I still find him attractive even though i have been on a weight loss journey for 3 months so far and have lost weight myself.
The difference is he is my biggest cheerleader says he's proud of me and compliments my weight loss which just makes me love him more and find him more attractive.
He will sit and scoff a whole 4 pack of sugar ring donuts and then a cream cake and think nothing of it HOWEVER he will also eat healthy meals that I cook.
Do you think that if he supported you more verbally and showing you how proud he is of you that you might see him in a different light?

Yabu, look after yourself without his input.

My DH decides to go on a diet, he always needs/wants my help, to prepare, prep, discuss.

I am not overweight. It annoys me participating as it never lasts, until he decides again. I don't know why he can't try it quietly. 😅

I voted you are being unreasonable but i am not fully on that side of the fence.

I lost 25kg over last few years, toned everything up and sweat my arse off 4-5 x per week because i enjoy it, because i needed to and because i wanted to look better. I know exactly where you are coming from because i have a partner and two children who can eat what the hell they like and dont put an ounce of weight on. Not a jot. They have altered their diets a bit in support but there are times i just want to scream at them for eating the curry or kebab in front of me.

I dont have the repulsed issue, i fancy my partner like mad.

The reason i said you were being unreasonable is i think you need to make it clear to your DH how you feel. Tell him you cannot see yourself living with someone who is so overweight. You have no right to change him but you have every right to decide you dont want to be with someone who is overweight. There are issues in the bedroom, there are issues with housework, there are issues with playing with his children and there are issues looking forward with his health. It works both ways.

See if he feels your relationship is worth it

Honestly I’m sympathetic op.
I’m a nurse and find it so frustrating to see people literally killing themselves with sweets, crisps and generally eating crap- it is gross.
Well done to you for bettering yourself. Hopefully he will see you feeling happier and stronger and it will inspire him to sort himself out.
Also, if it’s you doing the shopping, just stop buying in the sweets & crisps he’s snacking on. You’re not his Mum but if it isn’t there, he can’t eat it.

Well done on losing weight, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to disappointed that your OH isn’t making healthier choices, although I think it’s harsh to use the word repulsed, but you’re entitled to feel how you feel.
My DH is significantly overweight and has always struggles since childhood. When we met he was overweight, and is probably fractionally heavier than that now 20 odd years later.
I cook healthy meals from scratch, sometimes he doesn’t like what I’m cooking as I eat a lot of fish so he gets his own food.
His choices aren’t what I would make, and I’ve gently suggested that he should be trying to look after himself a bit more now we are middle aged but ultimately he’s a grown up, not one of our children.
He looks and feels better when he is thinner, as he did slim down previously so he knows he can do it. Despite his struggles with his weight he is my best friend and I love him regardless, he never repulses me but I do sometimes inwardly sigh about his food choices/snacking/fizzy drink consumption.
Nagging would make him eat more because food is a crutch/comfort for him and always has been, and I refuse to nag a grown up.

So harsh and you clearly aren’t in love with your husband anymore if you think of him as repulsive! Also losing 1 stone isn’t exactly a huge achievement so maybe concentrate on yourself.

My DP is a fat bastard and sometimes he grosses me out too. Tell him.

How would you feel if this read

I want my wife to lose weight but she isn't so now I'm purposely feeding her less, but then she eats snacks afterwards and it makes me feel sick!

The thread title isn’t “I lost weight but my husband hasn’t lost weight”

it’s that he hasn’t even tried.

YANBU, OP.