Lost weight but husband hasn’t tried

So hard, OP, I absolutely empathise. My DH was in your position for a long time. I would secretly eat or massively overeat in front of him. He’s a healthy weight. I finally dealt with my weight by having surgery. My DH continues to eat what seems like silly amounts of chocolate, adds large amounts of butter to food, sprays oil on everything he cooks yet weighs the same as me! He started offering me bars of chocolate, tubes of Pringles etc. I told him very clearly that I wasn’t interested, but him eating this kind of stuff in front of me doesn’t bother me at all, but it really would were he overweight.

I don’t think saying the sight of his overhanging belly makes you react poorly would go down well, more obviously a concern for his health, or even telling him you aren’t happy at the idea of him harming himself/you having to look after him when the diabetes incapacitates him might be a way forward. Have you had this discussion? Btw, I’m surprised you were diabetic at only 2 stone overweight? At 12st overweight, I was never near the threshold, according to multiple tests.

It’s very frustrating that you have made the effort and he is carrying on putting on weight and not caring about himself, but you know yourself, you really need to be in the right mindset and if you aren’t, nothing anyone says helps.

@BrendaSmall well this guy is diabetic and more than a few stone overweight - hence I think OP wants him to help himself because if he doesn’t she could well end up in a position of needing to be a carer further down the line and is making attempts to try and prevent his condition getting worse.

No

It can be seen as unreasonable, yes. Personally I think the importance of the end goal (better health) is more important than whether someone is being unreasonable or not.

You’re wrong actually. I’m not seeing this in a gendered way. I just think it’s not all that strange if a person who has been worried about their own health and started to do something about it might also hope their partner might decide to do the same. Because, y’know, they love them?

Could be worse, OP. My ex always used to decide he needed to go on some diet and exercise kick as soon as I got pregnant and I couldn’t join in.

It’s rotten watching someone else when you want to join in, but are trying not to. Good luck with it all.

@brunettemic I would if she was diabetic and stuffing family sized bags of crisps -

He’s made his decision, that’s entirely up to him. You wouldn’t be saying the same if it was a man posting to complain that his DP won’t lose weight.

Until a couple of months ago, OP clearly had as little regard for her health as he did, so it’s unreasonable for her to be judging him now simply because he hasn’t chosen to start a health journey on exactly the same timeline as her.

@brunettemic My DH’s doctor has advised him to lose two stone (no health problems yet, thank goodness) and that’s exactly what he does. He buys himself snacks and keeps them in his office.

Of course the whole family knows that he does it and he’s the only one of us who’s
overweight. I can understand the OP’s frustration.

Once he sees you thriving in your new mentality it might help him. My husband quit vaping before me and I think I gave him the ick because I didn’t even try. He never once said anything tho, probably my guilt made me feel icky 😂 but I wasn’t ready. Once I realised how great he had done I realised I could do it too and joined him. When I was ready

Maybe take some responsibility for his health, as a grown man?

What do you want him to do, hide in the bathroom with a tube of Pringles?

I didn't read that as harsh at all.

Around 70% of diets fail so the poster is just being realistic.

They didn't say the OP would fail, just that she needs to consider how's she's treating her DH incase she does.

Extremely bad. 95 percent type two probably because it’s more prevalent and more often related to lifestyle choices anyway

Thank you for also noticing this, what a mean spirited thing to say and shocking from a “professional”

As a type 1 diabetic that’s not very nice to read, I maintain a healthy weight and try my damnest at having as good of control as possible. Iv had it for 16 years now, had two healthy children in that time. I know not related to the thread but not nice to read a flippant comment like that

What do you mean don’t survive to need you? Plenty of the population are type one diabetic please think before writing these things (especially as a diabetic professional?!)

my two-penneth on this…

assume you can afford lots of take away? Our family budget certainly couldn’t and so we do make everything from scratch. Useful to tot up how much is spent and show that £££ x? a week x 52 weeks a year = !!!

don’t buy things in. Do an online shop, so you don’t have temptation in the house.

and don’t “diet” for meals, what I mean is e.g. make a huge healthy homemade curry, lots of veg and brown rice, fill up his plate so he doesn’t snack. Offer him seconds even. Then if still hungry put a bowl of something like full fat Greek yogurt and fruit with seeds. (Don’t buy low fat as sugar content and other processed nasties…). Fill up on good stuff so no snacking happens.

do some exercise together even if it is just going for a walk. Exercise is as important if not more so than what you eat.

once you look good he will feel like he needs to keep up anyway as you will be getting so many compliments 😉

Looking at some of the responses in this thread, you can really tell who struggles with their weight and who doesn't.

Obesity is an ACTUAL disease, and I've only just figured that out for myself after 45 years of living on this earth.

What most slim people do not understand is that for many overweight people, there is a constant noise in their head screaming that they need to eat all the time. Unless you are super full up, that noise is there 24/7. Throw in the dopamine hit from junk food, and it's a recipe for disaster.

I've done it all, slimming world, cambridge diet etc... and the food noise has always been there, whispering to me "let's get Papa John's tonight". The only thing that helped up until recently was a VLCD, like Cambridge Diet. Being in Ketosis was a game-changer. I kept my weight manageable (mostly) for around 5 years after dropping 4.5st on VLCDs.

Of course, in recent years it's crept back up, so around 3 weeks ago I started on Mounjaro.

Within two hours of my first jab, the food noise stopped. For the first time in my life, my brain was silent. You would not believe the relief. Genuine, relief. Those of you who have never suffered with constant food noise have no idea what that's like.

I had no idea I had a problem, until suddenly, the problem disappeared.

I wish I could convey how this feels in a better, more expressive way to you. Oh the relief!

With the absence of the food noise being my constant companion, I now understand that obesity is an actual disease.

@BoldAmberDuck - If you can afford it, just get your husband to buy it online and go for it.

Pretty harsh?!

I think you're using DH as a crutch to blame, if or when your diet fails.
I can understand that you want him to be healthy.
Just do you, he'll either follow suit or you'll divorce, either way, he has to choose to take the steps in getting healthy.
Mentioning that his belly repulsed you, would work.
Has he asked you to put him on a diet? I'd rather he ate a heavier meal, extra potatoes, veg and meat over crisps.

Read my last paragraph again.

Ask him if he fancies having a stroke, heart attack, not to mention everything else, form being obese. Nothing good every comes of it I’m afraid, well done for loosing the weight, you will feel so much better long term!