Am I the weird one?

People often drink tea and coffee as social bonding, not because they are actually thirsty.

Just ask for one.
“Shall I put the kettle on?”
“Could you please get me a glass of water while you’re doing drinks? Thanks.”

Expecting a separate dessert is a bit much.

This. People think of hot drinks as a different mental category to soft drinks, and it won’t necessarily occur to someone to substitute Coke or Sprite or something for tea or coffee. Are you saying you drink a soft drink with dinner? I have to say it would never occur to me to offer anything other than water with a meal, unless it was wine.

I’m not sure I understand about dessert. Surely at someone else’s house, there’s only a single dessert? If you don’t like it, you don’t get dessert?

Yes, it’s weird and rude not to offer someone an alternative.

Although I also think it’s a bit odd that when they say “Anyone want a tea / coffee?” you don’t just say “Could I possibly have an orange juice instead, please?”

I wouldn’t expect to be offered an alternative dessert though.

You can get yourself a glass of water, surely. Re the puddings, are you expecting them to provide a separate one just for you? If so, YABU.

We don’t buy any soft drinks (except for parties etc) but we’d offer you a glass of water. Or alcohol with dinner…

ComtesseDeSpair · Today 09:25

Do you ask for a soft drink? There’s no point sitting there seething rather than saying “I’ll have a lemonade if you’ve got one please, or whatever else you have” and then complaining to your husband later. Particularly odd doing it in your own house - just call to whoever’s making the drinks to pour you whatever you want whilst they’re at it.

if your having people for a meal you ask everyone what they want to drink who has a meal without a drink why wouldnt you ask somebody what other drink they want because you know they dont like hot drinks? im glad i dont come to yours for a meal if you dont offer one person something because they have different needs or whatever and you leave them out hardly polite

So, not even a glass of water at the table, with a meal?

Do you ask for a soft drink? There’s no point sitting there seething rather than saying “I’ll have a lemonade if you’ve got one please, or whatever else you have” and then complaining to your husband later. Particularly odd doing it in your own house - just call to whoever’s making the drinks to pour you whatever you want whilst they’re at it.

They have hot drinks with meals? That's unusual. They sound rather useless at hosting.... unfortunately you'll have to ask if you need a drink.

Totally not being unreasonable to expect a host to give their guests a drink which suits them. (unless they're asking for unicorn tears or something obvs 😂)