Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

Is there no other hospital accommodation like Ronald Mcdonald etc.?

My mum died when I was 5 and I was raised by my dad. I had spells in hospital, as did my brother and sister where obviously we needed our dad there. To be separated from him when all other children had a parent present would have been incredibly traumatising. Not just because we’d be alone but we’d also be surrounded by other children getting comfort and love from their mums which is incredibly isolating and emotionally difficult. Whilst it’s obviously more common for mums to be the main caregiver and therefore seem to be the majority of the people on hospital wards with their sick children, there could be children there that simply don’t have the option to have mum there. Dads are parents too, and should have every right to be there for their children. Nice of you to think so considerately of others but in this case I think it’s a case of “overthinking”. Whatever is best for the individual child and family is the main thing xx

You are definitely not being unreasonable. You’re having to share a room where you’re sleeping with an unknown man.
Sexual assault rates in hospitals are off the charts. Complaint about this.

I've stayed in with my daughter many times, like you we usually end up with a private room and now that I come to think of it when we have ended up in a bay I don't think there's ever been a dad staying. I probably wouldn't feel particularly comfortable with it, but that's my own issue.

Kindly OP, you also said... It’s been a tough journey and sadly we don’t know how long we have with our beautiful boy so we just make the most of every day!

So please stop thinking of others before your husband and child

Let him make the most of it too.

I would be more concerned about being in the room with contagious children. Especially if vulnerable . Don’t they keep contagious and non- contagious kids separately these days?

I’m a paediatric nurse. It’s Just tough luck I’m afraid. We can’t possibly tell people who they can have staying. And the curtains have to be kept open for your child’s safety. We only have one side room. And we wouldn’t give it to anyone for that reason.

When we've had inpatient stays it's always been a mixture of mums and dads... Didn't think about it at all. Everyone was just doing their best in difficult circumstances.

27 years ago my Ex DH had to stay in with our newborn as she was very poorly in her first week and I had a womb infection so I was too ill to be in hospital with her.
He stayed night and day for a week, did all her feeds, baths etc.
Why would anyone see that as a problem ?

My partner has stayed with ours several times. I hadn’t even given it a second thought. My daughter complained that my snoring was louder than his. 😳

But in a post labour ward, aren't the mum AND the baby vulnerable patients?

The issue I have is that often women post birth might have lost a lot of blood/be post surgery/be in no fit state to ensure the safety of the baby. In my scenario, I passed out with my first baby on my chest due to losing so much blood in labour. No midwives around and if my DP hadn't been with me on the ward, the baby wouldn't have been safe. No midwives at all around to help care for the baby.

Personally I think the vulnerable baby needing a parent there to look after it, if the mum isn't in a fit state post birth, is more important than other women being uncomfortable about a man being on the ward.

The amount of posts complaining about dads not being involved in parenting and then you have the worry here if dads being too involved (not you OP). People can’t win.

I've stayed in hospital a lot with the dc and it doesn't bother me at all if it's mums or dads staying. It's completely different if I am the patient and I wouldn't want partners (men or women) staying then but on a children's ward all parents are equal, regardless of sex. In our family it's normally me who stays because dh struggles to sleep and I can sleep anywhere plus dh is better at doing the school run than me. Dh is better at keeping calm in emergencies though so he normally does the initial dash to a and e while I pack an overnight bag and then we swap.

You think only mums should stay with their children?

No, it needs to be fair and equal.

I have been in that position and I didn’t mind at all.

I’m in Australia and I don’t even like mixed wards. There was a case in my country of a male child who was in a children’s hospital for psychiatric issues who was a predator. I won’t go into what he did. Predators are everywhere.

I think it’s disgusting they put your baby in an open ward at all.

I've spent time in hospital with my DD, and swopped out with her Dad on longer stays. It wouldn't have bothered me if another family had a Dad overnighting instead of Mum, we're all there to support our own kids. It's not like you get a proper night's kip on those pull down side beds on a ward anyway (although it's better than a chair in A&E).

I agree with a PP that the issue is the lack of curtains and that needs to be resolved. Perhaps an email to PALS to highlight how uncomfortable it was for you and your family in that situation?

I'm sorry you're going through this with your son. I hope your journey is as peaceful as it can be x

We used to be regulars too and DH and I used to do shifts. Mentally I couldn’t cope he there for more than a day or night, and often we were in for at least a week.

I would understand that sometimes a family want to share the overnight visits so it wouldn’t bother me if the Dad stayed overnight.

No because financially it made more sense for me to stay with LO and for DH to go to work.
However I do fully get that for some families it may well make more sense for the Dad to stay with the child and Mum to be business as usual and go to work.

I’m sorry you have to spend so much time in hospital with your beautiful boy. You sound like a very thoughtful person, thinking of the other mums.

I think as long as he is wearing pyjamas that leave a lot to the imagination it's fine. My husband stayed for 3 nights on a paeds ward last week and we thought nothing of it. When I had my twins, they came early so we didn't have clothes for my husband and he was allowed to sleep in my private room but was so embaressed he almost slept in his jeans. The midwife said she wouldn't mind boxers under a bed sheet (can't remember how that came up in conversation) but she had been surprised before by dad's sleeping naked. Can't be pleasant for night drugs rounds!

I don't think the hospital my son was at had that policy or if they did, they were very lax about it. Everyone always closed their curtains at night and I sometimes did during the day when I didn't feel like talking to other parents.

Totally fine for either parent to stay. Although I do think parent beds should be on wheels so any snorers could be shoved into the corridor. From experience staying with my kid in hospital and thinking very dark thoughts about the snoring parent doing his best tractor impression all night.

OP I can understand why you would that way without curtains and what you're dealing with must be really difficult 💐