Dads staying overnight on children’s ward

@IWantAShitzu
I'm really sorry you are faced with your LO being so ill.
You both sound really lovely considerate people but you have to do what's right for your family.

You both have enough to cope with, without worrying about random others.

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime
Well what would you propose as a solution 🤔?

Something like 1 in 20 will be bereaved of one or both parents by the age of 16.
Then consider the percentage of parents who aren't together.
And the multitude of other reasons why a Mum can't be there with her teenage girl.

But you certainly can't have a situation were one girl is allowed her parent to stay over but another girl isn't.

Or the other way around a teen boy has his Dad but the boy in the next bed who doesn't have a Dad isn't allowed his mum.

You either ban all parents staying over in teen wards or you accept the parents won't always be the same sex as the children.

They would also be with their parent
again some father's are single parents are their children supposed to suffer because they don't have a mum.or their mum.is not around ?
They won't be placing teenage girls alone in bays with a lone male will they ?

Also tough shit / get over it for other patients, particularly teenaged girls?

I hated sleeping in the same room as random people, I found it uncomfortable even when it was just women. The thought of nurses coming in during the night for obs/meds whilst I was sleeping too, hated it.

I got used to it after a while but it was definitely one of the best things about getting home. It's funny what you take for granted, I craved normalcy so bad.

This is kinda an insane question.

It presupposes that caring for a poorly child, being there for them in hospital, is women's work and not for fathers.

It's really damaging, harms mothers and fathers and children in different ways.

Honestly, please really dig deep and try rethink about where this has come from and challenge it. To even stop to wonder whether it's okay for a dad to be with his child in hospital is really sad and quite concerning.

I would sleep in a room full of lions if my childs life was at risk and it meant they got better care.

The NHS hasnt got a pot to piss in so if it means we lose a little bit of modesty to a man absolutely crippled with worry about his own child then so be it. This is not a man dressed up as a woman trying to take a piss or get changed in a female changing room, this is a man caring for his sick child who is ill enough to be in a childrens hospital overnight.

I don't think anyone is saying only Mums should stay or caring for children is womans work.

Those who have said anything have mentioned just not feeling comfortable sleeping in the same room as a random man. But it's a sort of tough shit situation. I'm sure some men would feel equally awkward.

Sleeping on a reclining not very flat stick to it vinyl chair isn't exactly a great sleeping experience. Add in poor choice of sleeping attire, wanting to get my bra off, but not wanting Mr Dad to see the girls swinging around 😳😱 You know you probably going to have to get up during the night too with LO.

It's just dignity and modesty.
But it's a get over it sort of situation.

But not everyone is a "normal person" are they, that's the whole point. Plus not wanting to sleep in the same room as random men doesn't suddenly mean you think they're about to assault you, it's just about modesty.

As everyone has said if people feel uncomfortable they wouldn't say or do anything about it, but that doesn't stop them feeling uncomfortable.

Exactly. Nobody wants to be there - every parent there is worrying about their child.

Getting funny about fathers being in hospital to support their children is alarmingly close to saying "caring for children is women's work".

Isn’t that the truth!!!! We had a family of a child in for minor elective surgery and had 9 people waiting outside. It was ridiculous.

@Needspaceforlego we’d never get rid of the curtains for that reason. Although it would save trouble! We wouldn’t use the bed space if there were no curtains.

Very often the nurses want the curtains kept open. This enables them to see 👀 what's happening on a ward.

It really wouldn't surprise me if the ward has deliberately removed the curtains to avoid arguments. So they really wouldn't be happy if someone starts hanging sheets up.

To the outside world I appeared fine with sleeping on the same ward as the Dad, ie I did it without saying anything.
If I was to sleep on a kids ward again I have leggings & a long night shirt to wear.

Good grief. If ever there was a situation where we should just class everyone as people then this is it. No normal person in that situation is interested in anything other than the health and well being of their own child first and everyone elses second.

Husbands have as much right as any woman to be in there with their own child.

It's a shame that people revert to making it about sexual offences when fundamental discomfort and modesty are completely normal experiences that there's absolutely no reason to invalidate. Almost everyone here acknowledges that it's just one of those situations where it's the set-up that isn't great and not the people. It's possible for more than one thing to be true at a time.

But on a children's ward it's not about the mum's ,it's about the children
they are the patients
What if the father is a,single parent should his child have to suffer so you don't have to feel uncomfortable?

I’m with you OP, in a situation like that you just want a little privacy so you can control that section of space and feel like you can relax a bit without being on show all the time. I found it very uncomfortable after a recent operation being in the recovery room and having men there. I was coming round from a general anaesthetic and my hospital gown was coming down a bit and there was a man opposite me just staring at me the whole time. You’re there with your kid who is sick, you don’t want to be having to worry about anything else.

Could you find a way to put up some kind of screen/curtain until the hospital ones return? Even if it’s just a few large bed sheets? It won’t look pretty but perhaps that will prompt staff to get those curtains back up asap? I’m assuming this is on the NHS. It’s unacceptable at the end of the day not to have spare curtains, they need to get on it. You sound like a very nice, reasonable person, but you might have to kick up a bit of a fuss to get things sorted. Hope it does soon! And on behalf of those mums out there like myself who would not have been comfortable with a man sleeping in the same ward as them and their sick child without curtains, thank you.

All of the older children on the 3 different wards my son was on had a parent stay over. Even the one revising for her GCSE's.

Side rooms on the 3 wards were for patients that needed to be isolated and very limited.

In my experience there's no privacy anyway - the night staff open the curtains to do obs and leave them open and on one ward (where son was a regular) the ward housekeeper would go round about 7am flinging all the curtains open and kicking the camp beds if parents hadn't got up! I just learned pretty quickly to change in the loo and to sleep in something that offered decent coverage and wouldn't ride up!

Male relatives of patients are no more likely to be sex fiends than the male members of staff are but the assumption that they are affects people, children and vulnerable adults alike, who need their male carer with them to stop them experiencing trauma in hospital. Hell, there's nothing to say any female member of the public or worker isn't a perv either.

It's a very rare wrong un who would try to touch up or otherwise bother anyone in a set up with other people constantly coming and going even if they were a potential threat to anyone.

In the hospital wards I've been in (UK) there's been members of family staying with patients and the curtains are kept shut anyway. It's a terribly unhealthy society that views all men as sex offenders who are just waiting to start touching people just because they're in the same room.

I believe hospitals use this fear within women in particular to make sure family members get turfed out so don't bother them by asking for stuff and questioning whatever neglect, trauma or mistreatment their relative is recieving. Nobody give a shiny shit how much extra trauma the isolation brings to the actual vulnerable patients.

Hospital PR reps make this big song and dance in the media about letting carers stay or have open access via a Carer's Passport or cooperate with John's Campaign but try to actually take advantage of it to protect your relative's mental and physical health and just wait for the fight every time the shift changes and the incumbent ward manager/nurse with a stuck up her arse tries to evict the patient's carer.

Paranoia about "pervert men" is leaving patients with very serious PTSD.

It was strongly encouraged for a parent to stay both times we were there with older dc. I have only occasionally seen children in hospital without at least one parent there all the time and that includes teenagers. And I've been in hospital with dc a lot. Tbh by the time my dc was well enough to care who else was sleeping in the bay, they were well enough to go home, although I appreciate that teenagers there for different reasons would think differently. I find that the children's wards we have been on have mostly been bays of 4 or 6 beds, with a small number of single rooms for infectious or oncology patients.

No I’d let him stay next time for sure, sending love to you all x

When our child was in hospital my husband stayed with them as I have medical issues & needed to be able to get proper meals, meds & sleep. I went in to see them every day. There was another Dad in the room too staying 24/7 as he was the only parent that had adequate english language skills to talk to & understand the medical staff. Nobody there was even slightly concerned at there being Dads staying there & if I had been staying it wouldn't have bothered me having that other Dad in the room

That must be really awkward for adolescents to have random parents sleeping in the same room as you. Especially the opposite sex.

I think ideally for adolescents if they do need someone to stay they should have their own rooms