Page 8 | Feel like my holiday is going to be ruined AIBU?

SingWithMeJustForToday · 07/05/2025 20:02

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:50

My sister is coming though :/

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Realistically there’s nothing you can say to soften this, because you have chosen to invite her and not him, for whatever reason, and there is room for him. There’s no way to dress that up.

You either change that decision or stand by it, but do it with confidence. It is the decision you’ve made.

RhiWrites · 07/05/2025 19:58

Look, you don’t want him there. Stop martyring yourself by arguing you have the space and you feel obliged. Just don’t invite him. Tell him “great to hear from you, sorry we’re not renting a house for summer, only a couple of weeks and we’re not able to accommodate anyone else”.

That’s about handling extra guests, not amount of rooms.

AlertCat · 07/05/2025 19:57

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:15

If he comes the baby will need to sleep in our room with us, we were hoping to move DS out for the second week so we could actually be alone as a couple 🤪

I’d say this means there isn’t room for him. Go with the ‘yes we’re staying these two weeks and here is a village nearby where you could stay, sorry no spare rooms in our place’

especially as it sounds like you planned and booked the holiday- not your parents- and you could reasonably say to them that if your DB wanted to be included in family trips organised by you, that he really needs to make more of an effort to reciprocate the relationship.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 07/05/2025 19:55

Just allocate the dc his own room. No space. Tell your dps they are welcome to holiday with db any time they want but not this trip. You've paid 50% you get the final say imo.

stayathomegardener · 07/05/2025 19:52

Make him actually ask the CF and then say no.

Enjoy your holiday.

Wallywobbles · 07/05/2025 19:52

If you say that if he want to come for a night he WILL be sharing with the baby he might not be so keen.

Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:50

Lindererer32 · 07/05/2025 19:41

I would just explain.

Say nice to hear from him. Been a crazy year. Packed house with parents and in-laws first week so looking forward to having a quiet, restful week with just your DH and child the following week.

Simple.
No need to be guilt-tripped. Just keep that line. We deserve rest and downtime, it's on them if your parents or brother cause issues.

My sister is coming though :/

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Lindererer32 · 07/05/2025 19:41

I would just explain.

Say nice to hear from him. Been a crazy year. Packed house with parents and in-laws first week so looking forward to having a quiet, restful week with just your DH and child the following week.

Simple.
No need to be guilt-tripped. Just keep that line. We deserve rest and downtime, it's on them if your parents or brother cause issues.

Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:39

DrMonjo · 07/05/2025 19:33

I look back on those holidays with babies and grandparents and wish we hadn't bothered.
It's stressful, a baby needs an entire suite of furniture, risk assessments and 24/7 attention. My parents and in-laws also needed a huge amount of attention. DH relaxed because he was on holiday and I just needed a good cry and a few afternoons without having to entertain anyone.

I also tried to involve childless siblings at one point, that also didn't work.

Just say no, not this year but catch up another time. Don't offer wriggle room. Else you'll get we love babies or we'll cook, etc

Thank you 🙏

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Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:33

howshouldibehave · 07/05/2025 19:30

But it's not my parents holiday? It's our holiday: me, DH and DS.

Your parents are travelling from the Uk to Spain for a week in a house. That sounds to me like it's a holiday for them!

I get that, but let’s say your friend organises a holiday and you decide to tag along and pay your share. But then you decide you actually want to invite your cousin that they aren’t close to but know. Should you be allowed to invite your cousin on the holiday your friend organised?!!

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DrMonjo · 07/05/2025 19:33

I look back on those holidays with babies and grandparents and wish we hadn't bothered.
It's stressful, a baby needs an entire suite of furniture, risk assessments and 24/7 attention. My parents and in-laws also needed a huge amount of attention. DH relaxed because he was on holiday and I just needed a good cry and a few afternoons without having to entertain anyone.

I also tried to involve childless siblings at one point, that also didn't work.

Just say no, not this year but catch up another time. Don't offer wriggle room. Else you'll get we love babies or we'll cook, etc

Hayley1256 · 07/05/2025 19:31

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:27

But it's not my parents holiday? It's our holiday: me, DH and DS.

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But your parents are paying 25% for their week

howshouldibehave · 07/05/2025 19:30

But it's not my parents holiday? It's our holiday: me, DH and DS.

Your parents are travelling from the Uk to Spain for a week in a house. That sounds to me like it's a holiday for them!

Fuzzypinetree · 07/05/2025 19:28

"Oh, so nice to hear from you. Yes, we'll be in Spain. I assume you'll be passing through or staying somewhere nearby during that time? Would be great to catch up! I can't wait to be taken out and spoilt by you."
So, surely, your brother (and his girlfriend) will be happy to share a room with your DC for a night, if they have to stay at yours...for a night. You are looking forward to have them take you out to a lovely restaurant. Perhaps send some recommendations for differen wines they could bring so you can chill at the house after your lavish meal.

Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:27

tripleginandtonic · 07/05/2025 19:24

I think you should include him given your parents are paying for half " their" week.

But it's not my parents holiday? It's our holiday: me, DH and DS.

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tripleginandtonic · 07/05/2025 19:24

I think you should include him given your parents are paying for half " their" week.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 19:19

"I heard you're renting a house in Spain this summer. What are the dates? :)"

No thank you.

Radiatorvalves · 07/05/2025 19:17

There’s your answer - no room for brother. The dynamics sound challenging enough without him and his GF.

Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:15

If he comes the baby will need to sleep in our room with us, we were hoping to move DS out for the second week so we could actually be alone as a couple 🤪

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Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:12

Well I feel like a massive bitch but I'm not keen on his GF, just from what I know. So even if he DID pay, I wouldn't want to be on holiday with her

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greeeeen9 · 07/05/2025 19:10

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 18:40

So we live in America, where DH is from. All my family are in the UK. DH has some family in Spain. Last year we had our first baby, and while I'm totally in love with my son, it has also been pretty hard going, as I have had to have my baby and get used to being a mum without the support of any of my family, although my parents flew out a few times which was amazing. Soon after I gave birth, I also started a new (much more intense/much more responsibilities) job, so I guess you could say this year has been quite hard for me.

Me and DH decided that this summer, we would rent a house in Spain for 2 weeks. For the first week, his family are joining us. Now full disclaimer: his parents live in America very near us, and they have been really difficult to deal with. I won't go into the details because otherwise this thread would be epic 😆 But honestly, it's been so hard and I've felt so unsupported.
After this first week of holiday, I was really looking forward to the second week, with my own family: my parents, and my sister, who I'm close to, as well as her DP, who i have known for years.

Here's the part I'm struggling with. I have a brother, and let's just say we have a more complicated relationship. Hes not a bad person AT ALL, its just I've always felt like he gets let off the hook for pretty much everything, especially when we were growi g up. He's like the golden child in our family, and it really grates on me. He never bothers with staying in touch or buying family members gifts, etc etc. You know the type. He has a girlfriend. Me and DB have always had a slightly distant relationship. He's just messaged me to say "I heard you're renting a house in Spain this summer. What are the dates? :)" and I'm so fucking pissed off. BTW, this is the first contact I've had from him in FIVE MONTHS. I guess because I just feel like it's so entitled, like I've had to organise this whole holiday and pay €€€€ for the house (also our flights, although that's not his problem obviously) and as usual, he's just going to freeload. I've never met his GF because of the distance, but i just don't fancy my one week where I can relax being spent "getting to know" someone. I just want to be able to relax with the people I love that week, with no pressure. Because he's thr golden child though, my parents are acting like I'm being unreasonable and hurtful. I don't know, am I overreacting? I just feel like my holiday (in America we get so little time off btw) has now turned into two weeks of fucking duty. I don't want to be estranged from my brother but I also feel like: why should I just pay for and serve you up a holiday? Were all in our 30s btw.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! X

Is there room for him without making it uncomfortable for everyone else ?(ie: a spare bedroom rather than a sofa bed?)

If there’s a spare bedroom, you could say “yes, if you want to stay, it will cost x, everyone staying is chipping in x”. But you don’t have to do that.

Or you could say, “Gosh I haven’t heard from you in so long. Yes we’ll be in Spain. There’s no room in our house, but these are the dates and this is the closest town for airbnbs”.

Or you could reply and say “it’s been a very long time since I last heard from you! Yes we’ll be in Spain. Sadly there’s no extra room in the house. But I really hope to see you next time we’re in the UK!”

Depends on your level of how much you do or don’t want to see him. But - golden child status aside - I can see why your parents want to holiday with all their children, but that’s their want, not yours.

Shitmonger · 07/05/2025 19:07

You’re not unreasonable at all to not want him there. If he’s the golden child, there’s room for him, and your parents are paying for part though I think it was apparent that they’d try to invite him. I’m guessing they’ll mope and whinge at you during their week if you don’t let him come?

PullTheBricksDown · 07/05/2025 19:05

Is there any room left? I would reply with 'Yes we are, why do you ask?' to at least make him pose the question.

If your parents are so keen to have him there, would they pay for him? This is if you can even fit him in. How many bedrooms? It's a flat no if anyone has to sleep in the lounge, on a sofa etc.

I do know what you mean about that intensity of holidays when it's people who only get together every so often. You may need a holiday to recover!

Original poster

SummertimeWTFery · 07/05/2025 19:02

howshouldibehave · 07/05/2025 18:59

We'll be there from 1-7th August. There's a B+B here (insert link) if you want to come for a day or two to visit.

I presume you haven't booked a holiday home that's big enough to house them as well for a week (I'm thinking your in laws have a room that your parents will have for the second week)? If you've booked somewhere large, then I probably would have guessed your parents would want him to come in advance...

There is room for him

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Acc0untant · 07/05/2025 19:01

Three options:
Tell him there aren't any rooms left.
Tell him there's an available room but it'll cost 25%, so everyone is equal
Tell him he's not invited