Feel like my holiday is going to be ruined AIBU?

You and your parents are paying the same for the week. Your sister is paying nothing but is welcome. I can understand why you want to have a room to put your child in. However, how would you feel if your parents, sister and brother went on holiday together and you were excluded? And the other thing is, if you say no, your parents are going to be upset and probably feel awkward and sad over your holiday. If I were you, I’d compromise. I’d say no to them staying at the house because you want to be able to use the room but suggest accommodation nearby and that way you can see them but also have space to relax.

@SummertimeWTFery I actually cant believe that your outlaws are going for a week when they see you loads!! surely even your husband realises that!

Sod that. Do not let DP shoehorn spoiled DB in so you can watch them fawn over him all week. I have one like this and not a chance I would agree to this.

So there is no room for him.....!!!!

The baby sleeps SO much better in their own room

Tell him you'll see him next time this is a special grandparents holiday

Have they paid 50% though? Their 50% is over two weeks, the in-laws and the parents are paying 25% for one week each.

IMO in-laws are paying half and OP is paying half for the first week and same for the second week with OP’s parents paying the other half.

They may be paying 50% overall, but it’s actually only 25% per week, same as the other guests.

I don’t think they get to call dibs and say no to the brother, given that the parents who want him to come are paying the same for that specific week.

If you want to add the sister+partner into it, she’s there as OP’s guest in week two and the parents want the son+partner as their guest. I also think the excuse of wanting the baby to have their own room in the second week is a very weak argument. They’ll likely end up in the parents room anyway as will be unsettled after a week in there with them.

YABU.

I have one of these families, and I would bet good money that your brother is being guilt tripped into going by your parents, who 'just want to have all their children there'.

Offer him an out and I bet he'll take it.

Your parents will always guilt trip you because you don't want to live up to their fantasy of one big, close, loving family. Their problem, not yours.

I think it’s really unfair not to let him come when his parents and sister are going to be there. If you want a contribution of money then that’s fine, but you should also ask your sister to pay her share. You’re not really going to have a quiet and restful holiday even if he and his girlfriend don’t come and if you exclude them you’re setting up all sorts of problems for your future relationship with your family. Also, you’re not giving his girlfriend a chance to prove she’s okay, but have already made up your mind without even meeting her. I think you need to change your attitude and try and do the best you can to make it a happy holiday for everyone. Then, next year, book your holiday more carefully!

Your sister isn't paying either? So I am not sure how you will be able to swing that one without it being personal

He's not a bad person, he's your brother, your sister is coming and not paying, and you live in America so presumably this is the closest geographically you've been for ages.

There is absolutely no way to have him not come that isn't massively hurtful. If that's what you want, do it, but it feels pretty nuclear.

Not disputing that- OP it's just her, DH and DS's holiday, but it isn't when others are also paying for themselves

So you are asking your parents to come for a week, pay their share, see both their daughters and exclude their son.

I can understand why they think you are U.

I totally see your point but the mistake was a family holiday and trying to please everyone.

Can you ask your mum to speak to him about staying nearby to give him privacy with his new GF as technically there is no spare room as DC will be in it?

But there is no room for him! Your DS will be using that room. Explain to parents. Just stay firm.

This. I think you are mad to have your in laws whom you see regularly but have a tricky relationship with come on your holiday. But I suspect after that week you'll never do that again.

If your brother says he is coming tell him it will cost him X amount - whatever 25 percent is.

Which covers them. Not another two uninvited people

I do think you could get away with telling DB that he can come but not the girlfriend, you can say that you want to just have close family. Then if he doesn't come that's on him.

I think you've really fucked up here, sorry. Inviting every family but one is not great especially when he hasn't really done anything wrong, it's your parents responsible for the golden child dynamic. You can't say he's freeloading when you're happy for your sister to not pay, then it's really obvious you just don't like him, no wonder your parents are upset.

You say you won't like his GF, you've never met her!

Why are you holidaying with in-laws you don't even like??

I'm sorry you're not going to get a restful holiday but it was avoidable.

I don't think its fair to not include him when your sister is going.

I do get your issue but I think it’s odd that you would invite your parents and sister and not your brother. Or that you didn’t expect your parents/sister to suggest to him that he comes.

unless there is loads more back story than we have time for

ultimately if you’ve paid for the house then you tell him there is no space for him. Be prepared to fall out with him though and be direct with your parents and sister as to the reason.

I get that, but let’s say your friend organises a holiday and you decide to tag along and pay your share. But then you decide you actually want to invite your cousin that they aren’t close to but know. Should you be allowed to invite your cousin on the holiday your friend organised?!!

If I thought it was highly likely they were going to invite someone I don't really like to join the holiday, I wouldn't have agreed to it in the first place though.

I don't know, do you want an improved relationship with your brother? It is awkward to have an extended family holiday but not invite one member. But only you know your family dynamics. And I get not wanting a newish girlfriend there.

In your shoes, I'd reply and say something like we'll be using the extra room for baby that week but we'll be in x these dates if you want to stay nearby. Maybe add that you haven't heard from him in ages so presumed he wouldn't be interested in a holiday with a baby as he hasn't bothered checking in with you since you had one.

Yes that will be £350 each pls

There's no room for him at the house. I wouldn't have a 1 year old in the bedroom with me if I could help it.

I don't know why people are telling you to accomodate him. Tell him to fk off. You've not heard from him for months, then he's looking to freeload on a holiday - no fuck off.

Parents giving you hassle - by all means feel free to organise yourself a seperate holiday with DB and his GF but they are not freeloading onto mine.

I DONT WANT THEM THERE.... repeat infinitum.

Don't like it DM? that's cool, don't come then.

"I heard you're renting a house in Spain this summer. What are the dates? :)"

Hi Bruv, why do you ask?

"Me & GF can come see you"

Sorry Bruv, it's only a short trip and we have parents from both sides joining us both weeks so won't have time to see you.

"But DSis said she's coming too?"

Yes, you know DSis and I are very close. You and me aren't close and I don't even know your GF. We get very little annual leave in America, so I want to spend it with those I'm closest to. I'm sure you can understand that.

Even if he doesn't mention GF, it still works if you leave her out of it.

You need to make a decision and deal with it. I get it, I'm completely no contact with a sibling but, when there is a family event, we both show up but do not interact whatsoever. We dont even glance over at the other.

You can't control how your family react. You'll just have to figure out which is more uncomfortable, having your brother on holiday or having your parents moan about it because I get it, no parent wants to see one of their children singled out from a family event.

If the freeloading is really the sticking point here, and it sound like it is, ask your parents to pay his portion. If they say no (or you just don't want him there at all) you need to be assertive and tell him he is not invited.

You can't just expect everyone to live in a way that makes you comfortable. You need to assert yourself, tell people what you'd like. Then let them decide how they'll feel and act about it.