Feel like my holiday is going to be ruined AIBU?

Have they paid for their other daughter and her boyfriend cause it sounds like they have! Horrible replies from you

You’ve ruined your own holiday by taking every bugger along with you. Can the accommodation be cancelled and everyone just book their own separate accommodation in the same town?

It doesn’t sound like your brother has done much other than be a bit spoilt by your parents and be distant through his twenties. It’s only when starting having their own kids that families often become closer once again.

I think you’ve already messed up so give him a chance.

I’m quite surprised that no one is saying it sounds very petty of you to want to actively exclude your brother but include everyone else in your immediate family?

No wonder people are getting pissed off. It sounds very entitled. I wonder how you would feel if your parents, sister & partner rented out a house (with room for you) but, not only did they not invite you, they actively told you that you weren’t welcome when you expressed an interest in attending 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry OP I think you are the problem here.
playing god on a family holiday is not ok
Set a price per head and let anyone who can pay come. The power trip you are on is putting your parents in an awful position.
If I was then I wouldn’t go.

Then, in fact, there is NOT room for him.

nomas · Today 23:24

He's just messaged me to say "I heard you're renting a house in Spain this summer. What are the dates? :)"
What an entitled twat. What an awful message to send. No ‘please can we come’, just an assumption that he will have a free stay.
Fuck him, tell him there’s no room. The extra room is for your baby.

Why does a baby need their own room on a holiday?!

I don’t think that sounds entitled, I think it sounds like a friendly relaxed request, and it doesn’t insinuate he won’t pay, it’s a message, he’s not going to get into logistics yet!

five months I would think isn’t a big thing considering you live in a different continent, I live in the same country as all of my family and life sometimes gets in the way and you keep in contact with some and not so much with others (considering how you feel about him I’d guess you’re not in regular contact with him either). Maybe he’s trying to reconnect?

I don’t see how you get out of this one without a major family ruction. You can’t say there’s no room because your mum will be able to see for herself that there is the minute she arrives (I’d be very surprised if anyone except you counts the baby as someone needing their own room). You’re not unreasonable to be pissed off, I just think you need to consider what the likely fall out will be.

(My mum would end up getting pissed and crying and saying she didn’t understand why I didn’t want my brother there, with heavy implications that it must be my husband’s fault.)

Is your sister paying?

Part of me thinks if there is room and she isn't paying, why shouldn't he go free as well. But then why are you paying at all if neither sibling is?

He's just messaged me to say "I heard you're renting a house in Spain this summer. What are the dates? :)"

What an entitled twat. What an awful message to send. No ‘please can we come’, just an assumption that he will have a free stay.

Fuck him, tell him there’s no room. The extra room is for your baby.

They’re paying half of what OP is paying. They haven’t paid a penny for their son and his gf. The invite was for them, not their son,

While YANBU to feel the way you do, if your brother is offering to pay for himself or your parents are offering to pay for him then tbh I don’t see how it can really be avoided - considering your sister is coming too. It’s not really a “family holiday” if the other member of the family who wants to come is excluded (might be different if it was just you and your parents). Unless you’ve got other siblings who are also excluded?

It sounds like your parents are paying half for the week (so 2 beds for them and your Sis) and you are paying half for 2 beds (for you and your DC)? In which case your brother needs to give you the 25% for “his” room instead of it being your sons (or more likely it sounds like your parents will pay it for him). You’ll have to get through the week by telling yourself that at least you are saving some money… and next time book a holiday with enough bedrooms for just your parents or just your sister- so your parents can’t insist it’s a “family holiday”.

Unfair on you but you yourself say that DB is not a bad person - so really there’s no “nice” way to exclude him but still have both your parents and sister/DBIL there but not him and his partner.

Do your parents actually know that you think of your DB as the 'Golden Boy', as if this is the case, then I think you need to tell them that because of the way they always put him above you and your sister, you don't want him coming on YOUR holiday, because you feel that him being there will spoil it for you. If they ask why, you can tell them that the likelihood is, that they will want to spend all their time with him, rather than spending it with you and your baby, because that's what always happens (assuming it does).

Other than that, I think you have three alternatives:

If you are in a position to offer them their money back, and un-invite them you could do that, but still let your sister come if that's what you want.

Tell them that if they're determined your brother comes along, then they will need to pay you your share of the holiday for the week they are there, and you, DH, and baby will book something else.

OR

Bite your tongue about your DB coming, but insist that it is purely family, so he can't bring his GF. Of course this will only work, if you haven't told your sister she can bring her DH, DP, or BF, in which case you're stuffed!

Book a third week (if work and finances allow) and don’t tell a soul!

Have a third week just you, husband and baby.

Not sure you can invite your sister but refuse your brother. But you can say you want a quiet chill second week with immediate family only so you’re happy for him to come but you can’t accomodate his girlfriend.

I think this sums it all up well.

I don't have a "golden child " but if any of my children wanted to exclude their brother from a family holiday that involved their other siblings , I would be upset. I actually think it's mean and very hurtful if there is no real reason for it . If you wanted a relaxing family holiday maybe you shouldn't have invited wider family at all.

What do you really want to happen? Would the best solution be for your brother to come without his girlfriend? If so you could say that he’s welcome but he’ll have to share with the baby. That might put him off entirely. If he mentions his girlfriend then tell him what you’ve told us, you want to decompress, you don’t know her and it’s your only holiday and you would feel awkward with her around. “maybe next time” could be a useful phrase here!

Also could you be honest with your mum and dad and explain that the way the “goldenballs” your brother drives you up the wall and makes you not want to see him. Get your sister to back you up, perhaps they don’t know they’re doing it?

Agree with all this

Is your brother the only member of your family that you are leaving out? If I was your parent, I probably wouldn't want to join you if so.

Look, who gives a fuck what you might look like? Say no and mean it and make very clear to your parents you won't be hearing any guilt trip nonsense.
It is fine to be be selfish on occasion and suit yourself.
If you want to be mildly generous then do as others have suggested and give info on places nearby to stay.

Could you say something like: Yes, booked a place and looking forward to a break- it’ll be all hands on deck with the little one, including through the night! Be great to catch up with you and GF another time x

Hmm I don't know. I entirely understand you want to relax with family you're comfortable around!

But I've seen similar threads from people really upset that they are the only sibling left out of a family holiday, event etc. So from that point it seems a bit mean to leave him out if your parents and all other siblings are going.

But the week before the baby is in with parents! So OP is happy to sacrifice the baby having its own room for the in laws she sees all the time, but not for her own brother who she lives on a different continent to!

I’m gonna go against the majority here and say YABU. Presumably someone else is coming along with the in laws for the first week which is why you can’t have your own room then without baby. Then for the second week your sister is coming as well as your parents - who are paying an equal amount as you for that week.

Try to see it from their point of view, how often do they get to have all three of their kids together under one roof with no work etc.

How would you feel in the future if you were to go away with a second DC and their partner and kids, but your current DC wasn’t allowed to come?

Life can be very short and you said you would like to heal the rift with your brother somewhat, now is your chance.

In future if you want a holiday just the three of you, don’t invite family members from either side!!