Feel like my holiday is going to be ruined AIBU?

I cannot see how the finances are sensible here if you are paying for half the week and getting 25% of the space and then paying for half the week and getting 50% of the space. Something isn't right.

Also no idea why you are holidaying in Spain with your American side of the family at the expense of time with your own family who you never see but that's your choice.

We have a ridiculous amount of juggling every year between 3 sets of grandparents (my parents are divorced) and 3 different locations and lots of annoying issues between it all. So I get that there's often no good answer.

The only thing for you to decide really is if you're happy to cut your brother off forever and deal with your parents being upset. That's up to you and either option is fine as clearly none of us know the whole story. I went full NC with my mom's brother years ago and have regretted nothing. I made a lot of effort with my own brother despite it being one-sided for a while and also don't regret that. There's no way there won't be some sort of fallout from this with someone so it's up to you which way feels the best to you.

Because she booked and arranged the holiday
Because she’s paying for 2 rooms
Because there is no spare room
Because her brother hasn’t been in contact in 5 months and is after a freebie.
Because she doesn’t know his GF.
Because she wants to.
More than enough justification

If your parents paid for 25%, tell them he wants to come and stay and sleep in their room
See how much they love him then

But the week before the in laws are paying 25% for three rooms and the OP 25% for one room. She’s happy to share with the baby for her in laws to come, but not her own brother

@SummertimeWTFery if I had never met my dp family, I’d not be imposing myself on them if I happened to be in their city, not without my DP to accompany me.

you're being too harsh in this regard

I can’t see how you can justify saying no.

It’s a bit ridiculous to say you don’t like his gf when you’ve never met her.

And if you keep allowing people to push you around don’t then complain about things not going your way. Why should other people advocate for your needs if you don’t do that for yourself? nobody respects martyrs.

I think you are being quite mean to your brother. You’ve invited everyone else, but you don’t want him. You obviously have your reasons, but it seems like DB isn’t aware of how you really feel about him and how much resentment you have towards him.

@SummertimeWTFery - for me, unless you’re happy to alienate your DB, the fact that your sister and her partner are coming really changes things (I confess I didn’t spot that in the OP). It might be different if your in-laws weren’t also coming (and it sounds a real shame that they are, given you see them all the time anyway and don’t get on) but it reads that you want to exclude your brother from a holiday in which everyone else is included. How would you feel if you were in his shoes? Only you can judge how much this would bother you and whether you’re willing to deal with the fallout.

I'd find it significantly easier to stand up to my in-laws! Anyway, just a difference of opinion. We all have our own family dynamics that will influence our responses, ours are clearly not aligning but such is life!

Not a drip feed. Was in the OP.

Well that's sorted then - parents/in-laws are each paying 25% for 2 rooms for 1 week and you are paying 50% for your 2 rooms for 2 weeks. Baby is in their own room so there isn't one spare - end of conversation just tell him there's no room unless he shares with sister (which wold at least prevent gf coming). And have a word with your husband to ensure he knows you won't be running around after his family as it's your holiday too.

No she can't. It's much harder to stand up to ILs. Anyway that was all agreed/arranged. This is changing the goalposts.

But the first week with her husband's family is super supportive? She could bin the in-laws off and have a peaceful first week instead.

Okay, so think of a number and send your DB a bill saying 'This is how much your contribution is'.

Maybe he won't come if it's not a freebie.

TBH I think the good ship Peaceful Holiday sailed when you decided to spend it with your entire family, but that's just me!

“We’re there from July x to y. We’re staying in this village, if you want to look up Air BnB in the area. It would be great to see you.”

”No, mum’s wrong, there isn’t a spare room. That’s the baby’s room. It’s not exactly a restful holiday for DH and me if we have the baby in our room for a fortnight!”

She doesn't sound happy about this at all. Maybe she's having to keep the peace with her husband/his family and in return gets a peaceful second week. You obviously don't understand about golden children. It'll be all about him and OP won't get any support or understanding around the baby's needs.

It's quite telling that you're happy to put up with your in-laws coming, (who you seem to have had quite enough of!) but are angered by your brother wanting to attend. Agree with PP who said that you seem to be projecting your frustrations on to him in some way? I don't see any indication in his message that he expected his gf to attend either.

Would your sister back you up? I'd ask her to put your side with your parents. Maybe she could guilt trip them like they're guilt tripping you!

I'm guessing they want golden child to be there. I think you just need to say no and that you need that extra room for your son. If they pull the we're paying towards this point out you're paying half of their week too. Be firm. Remind yourself and him that you barely hear from him normally but he's welcome to come and see you in the States (he won't) or hire a AirBnB in Spain (he won't). He just wants a freebie and if he comes it'll be all about him - mealtimes to accommodate him, beach trips to the rocky cove that's a nightmare with a buggy etc. Stay firm.

So you are there 2 weeks and week 1 your family are joining you and week 2 DH's family which for now is parents and sister. CF brother wants to come with his horrible gf and you don't want either of them there? Is that right? Seriously, just say oh no or you will spend the forthcoming months dreading the holiday and then the week together in misery.

"sorry DB there isn't a spare room for you - happy to give you details of where we're staying if you want to book an airbnb nearby?" And put your baby in the spare room before DH's family arrive.

You're putting your parents in an awful position. You can't expect them to pay half for a holiday (which makes it their holiday too, regardless of who originally organised it) and tell one of their three children that they're not welcome.

The only way to accommodate everyone the first week was to have the baby in the same room as OP and her DH - the plan was for OP to move the baby into the vacated room for the second week. She won’t be able to do that because DB and his GF will be in it. So presumably if parents want DB and his GF to come for the second week they won’t mind moving the baby into their room so that OP and her DH can have some actual quality time on a holiday that they have paid for too.

Oof. Quite the dripfeed. Until I read this I thought a simple no room at the inn would suffice but it’s mean to have invited one sibling and not the other

Your parents are paying half for the week that they are coming, I don't think you can unilaterally decide who's coming. It would be easier if your sister wasn't going because then you could just say you want quality time with your parents, but excluding one sibling is impossible to do without causing bad feelings.

You're putting your parents in an awful position. You can't expect them to pay half for a holiday (which makes it their holiday too, regardless of who originally organised it) and tell one of their three children that they're not welcome.

You could ask both your sister and brother to pray their way though, that might put him off.