To think I’ve got myself into the worst mess ever??? Pregnancy related

She’s massively noise sensitive? Babies not being very quiet….An A level student of mine complained bitterly about her baby brother this year (unexpected, she’s been an only child for 17 years!) saying she couldn’t work at home at all.

I know you said you couldn’t end the pregnancy, but how is this going to impact your dc? Your possible renewed relationship with your ex? Please try to work out if you just feel bad for your ds and sorry for your ex before rekindling your relationship, obviously.

Have you considered counselling in some form for your DS? Getting back with your exH, who you left for valid reasons, isn't a solution for any of these issues.

@SpryCat Nails it perfectly.

That is the best post I have ever read. It really hit me. Thanks (even though it wasn’t meant for me) it was brilliant x

I also think that it’s good that your BF has other children and he can’t fully commit yet, you need time to help your twins accept you and there dad breaking up and to sort out your Ex from filling your sons head trying to weaponise him.
You and BF have years ahead of you to get to know each other properly whilst separately bringing your children up and he will stand by you and the baby. If you didn’t have the twins and just moved into his house it would a lot of resentment from his daughter and other kids and if he could just move into yours it would make your twins extremely upset. You will still be in a relationship with him but with the space apart to put your children first.

How have you ruined lives? You left a marriage because you were unhappy, your DD wasn’t happy neither! Your exH is blaming you for the breakup, instead of soul searching and owning up to his part in why there was no intimacy and affection between the both of you in the latter years. He and DD have a strained relationship because she isn’t like your DS who loves to throw his arms round you for a hug and very affectionate, Ex H has to have the people in his life do all the work as he won’t. That was a huge reason you split up so why are you blaming yourself? You instigating the break up doesn’t make you to blame for the marriage breaking down! Your Exh might be playing the blame game, pointing his finger at you but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
You’ve been seeing this guy secretly for 6 months, a LDR after years of being in a loveless, sexless marriage, it helped bring up your self esteem whilst being in a deep depression. No wonder you have found it impossible to end things with him. You don’t love him, you don’t know him well enough, you love the affection and sex. He is not going to rescue you, he is not a white knight on his steed. He won’t stop your Exh from twisting the truth and trying to force your son into choosing sides. He won’t solve your problems, in fact his presence in your life will blow up more problems for your son. He has said he will stand by you once you told him you’re pregnant which is great but you can’t lurch into a full on relationship to escape your false feeling of guilt being placed on your shoulders and your DS unhappiness because his dad is twisting the knife making sure he is so angry at you that he can’t accept your breakup.
You need to get your head out of the sand, tell your son it takes two to make a marriage work and it’s not fair on him to be made to feel he has to take sides. That parents shouldn’t do that as it is harmful on his mental health and explain of course he is angry and upset but you are there for him to talk through his emotions. All the anger and depression in the home must have a negative effect on your DD too, she needs stability too. You need to come to terms with the breakup of your marriage too and accept that it’s ok to walk away from an unhappy relationship, that a relationship without anyone putting any effort in is perjury and didn’t want you and your children to grow up in a toxic environment. Your son in years to come might thank you for showing him that it’s ok to end a bad relationship.

OP, the pregnancy hormones are making this much worse for you. Please don't beat yourself up.

You've done all the things the mumsnet crowd expects including not introducing your new man to your kids and taking contraception. In that sense, the poster who accused you of putting everyone before your existing kids is completely off the mark.
Life has thrown you a curveball.

Things can still be ok. If you get back together with exh, you have to own the fact it's not going to be better than before.

If some of your children are asd and struggle with change, they might like the idea of him moving back but find the reality is more change again and they really struggle.

Life is tough, I'm really sorry you’re going through this. Just take one step at a time and try not to worry to much about the future.
Nobody is perfect and when you're dealt such hard cards to start with, it's not surprise you end up making less than ideal decisions sometimes. And sometimes there are no good decisions to make.
Be kind to yourself.

I would love another baby. But I have two children on my own already aged 10 and 14, the youngest has AuADHD. For me to have another baby would be awful for them, especially as a single woman.

OP, please don’t get an abortion assuming it won’t work logically because of what people say on mumsnet.

I am pro choice and have had an abortion myself in the past so I’m not saying don’t have one. But it has to be the right decision for you, not the decision of some MNetters you’ve never met.

Speak to a professional. Get some counselling. Keep talking to the new man about how this would work in reality.

And whatever happens do not get back with exH!

Personally I don’t think you’re in the right headspace for another baby and I say this gently. I know it’s something you really wanted so maybe if things were further down the line with the new guy or if things were better in terms of your ex then he’s have the baby but right now please think about what’s best for you.

You’ll be raising a third child on your own and your relationship with your 13 year old twins would worsen and neither are coping mentally at the moment. You’ve only seen this man a few times and he wouldn’t have a relationship with the child as he lives hours away and has other children.

You will need childcare.
surely you’re not planning to have your child with you at work the entire time? How are you going to get any work done when they’re crying, feeding, pooping, teething, crawling all over the place? Have you forgotten what toddlers are like?????

Loads of people have to move home after a divorce, especially men.

Oh, I'm so glad you see it. That's half the battle in itself. It really is.

Anyone can fall back into unhealthy patterns. That's human. But it's never too late to try again. It is hard. Sometimes you grind away for what feels like forever, and feel like you're getting nowhere, and then all of a sudden it clicks into place. All of a sudden you look back and you can see how far you've come.

You can do it. You'll have to slog through some shit bits to get there, and it might not end up perfect. But things can be good. You can make it through this, one step at a time 🌺

You’re not looking after the kids you do have - the teen years with a sen child and one struggling mentally are not going to be any easier…. you’re living in Lala land with some bloke saying it will be ok. But that is just words. The reality is you say you’re emotionally not stable but want a baby. It’s not pro abortion to say put your existing kids before “I want another baby”. We bring children into the world to help them grow and develop to lead independent lives. Not to the detriment of ourselves but you’re only thinking about yourself - bring the two up that you’ve got rather than the romantic notion of having another one. With a bloke who is rightly prioritizing his children.

Not the most tactful way of putting it perhaps but I agree with the general idea...you sound like a love struck teen op. . You're a grown women...you wanted to get back with your ex husband...now you're in love with this guy...in the kindest possible way you sound all over the place. You will be a mother of three in a few months time...take your time and think about things.

I thought she said a year? I dunno. I think if she's sure that's what she wants then better to go for it than being dragged back into marriage with ex. But if any doubt probably better to have a decent period alone to process and reflect.

She's been with him 6 months max.

You're right that did sound bitchy.

Well then go for it! Life doesn't always happen neatly. But if you love him, he's a decent guy and you're having a baby together then you can make that work. But make sure you do what you ACTUALLY want rather than trying to appease everyone. As PP said others will adapt when you lead confidently.

Sorry, this is really bitchy, but grow up. You have two teens who need you. You can moon over a new man when they've left home.

If your completely in love with the new man I’m not sure you’d be doubting your decision to divorce.

The situation with the new man sounds really challenging.

How do you feel about potentially bringing up a new baby on your own?

I agree with this. This is good advice.