To think I’ve got myself into the worst mess ever??? Pregnancy related

That was a joke btw.

Saying she’s keeping the baby but nothing else is changing would be a massive lie and pretty damaging though. If she goes through with it it’s better to prepare him for change. In reality knowing his mum had a boyfriend will cause more upset as it shows the split is final, he may well have to deal with the now ex boyfriend as obviously that man will be the father of the baby, plus OPs ex DH may hold resentment about the situation as it’s come right after she’s given him hope about reconnecting. Absolutely everything will change

My advice would be to terminate the pregnancy, remain single and concentrate on the wellbeing of your two existing children. I think if you put them first, you can never really regret it.

Won’t DS (and potentially DD) really struggle with a newborn baby? Especially if they know it’s not their dads child?
if you really want this child, I would tell DXH that it’s not possible to reunite but working on him spending more time with DS. Your desire to reunite with him seems to be born out of what is easiest for others and not necessarily for you.

you need to let DXB know about the pregnancy and consider whether you relationship could progress - although again your DC might be unhappy with this.

Do DXH and children know about the boyfriend?

Honestly in your shoes I don’t think I would continue with the pregnancy.

New man already has 3 children, lives 3 hours away and so can’t be a full time parent anyway, this would be his 4th child from potentially 3 different mum’s to try and juggle which isn’t ideal. On top of that you’ve recently split with him as you wanted your ex back so it’s far from the kind of stability you really should have to welcome a baby.

You haven’t even met each others families due to concern for your son’s feelings, if a casual meet up with “mum’s friend” would have been such a worry then announcing a year long hidden relationship with a new sibling on the way could well be catastrophic.

Your feelings/relationship with your ex are still up in the air, bringing another baby into the mix again could be catastrophic.

You have options but given all of the moving parts here, I don’t think I would personally choose to add to the family

This.

You will be doing this on your own.

Whatever you do, don’t get back with the ex. You’ll be doing it because you feel vulnerable, not because he is a good partner. That never ends well. You will be more vulnerable than ever.

He isn’t going to be able to step up - he couldn’t before, he can’t now, he wants to come back because he isn’t coping well rather than to help you.

Don’t.

Honestly, for your kids sake, I would really reconsider this pregnancy. Your DS hasn't accepted that you and his dad aren't going to be together anymore and the fact that you are wobbling too regarding this makes it all the more confusing for everyone. Your DD has ASD and would probably not cope well at all with having a strange man and a new half sibling that she knows nothing about in her home. I get that it is hard to go through an abortion but you need to put your two existing kids first in this or you risk losing your relationship with them for good. They need much more time getting to grips with the change in their cirumstances before you throw in more people.

It will be incredibly hard for your existing DC and to be honest, they should be your priority right now. I don’t think you should be with either of these men. Sorry but getting a termination is the only option i’d consider in the circumstances. Getting back with your ex would be a big mistake.

I honestly don't think a forum can help you. It has to be a gut feeling thing direct from you but I'm trying to imagine a scenario where your new man knows you have had his child as you would have to let him know, but you are back with your ex husband.

I think I would stay single and sit your son down and explain that you are keeping the baby but nothing else is going to change. Listen to his side and chat easily about it all if possible. You can't be dictated to by a 13yo though and you can't let fear of a situation that may never come to pass, effect big decisions.

Your only priority needs to be your existing children.

I have to say that in your shoes I would terminate the pregnancy.

It will be very difficult for your DS.

It will be very difficult for the new man, being so far away from his child.

It will be very difficult for your ex DH to accept and may prevent a reconciliation with him, should you want one. And if it doesn’t, you will all have to accept the new man being in your lives, as the father of your child.

Is keeping the pregnancy 100% decided thing OP? Or by ‘don’t think I could’ are you just worried about regretting it?

She's already said she wants the baby

In the nicest possible way a pregnancy would be a potential disaster for everyone - you can choose to terminate and you don’t need to inform either man to do this.

I Suggest marriage counselling with the ex - to explore the issues and if change is possible and boundaries for at least 6 months he does not move back it you explore how a future might look.

cut The other man off

6 month of counselling for yourself to work out what you want

You have to take out the background noise and think about the personalities of the two men involved, if you want to be with one of them at all.

In the event you want to be with one of these men, you have to acknowledge that your ex had limitations and any emotion you are feeling regarding loneliness is not a reason to take him back.

What about having a relationship with the new man but keeping the baby and separate homes, at least for now and see how you feel in a year or so.

Making decisions right now, unless you can look at it all in a detached way, may not be a great idea.

The new man sounds a better bet quite honestly but it depends on his personality. Ex is bound to want to 'come home'. He's living a half life with his mother rather than making his own way in the world. I would struggle to have respect for him as he has just moved back home.

How far along are you .
Personally,I'd tell them both as soon as possible
Before it goes any further with either of them .
You don't have to rush in to making any decisions,see how things play out
If your husband really loves you ,he will understand and still want you back with the baby .
You have your own home ,your a grown woman,you've done nothing wrong
Be happy ,your having that third child you wanted 😊

OP might actually not want to end the pregnancy.

Sorry OP but I find your post confusing. Who did you miss (DH or the new man) and whose baby is it? Either way, you don't have to go through with the pregnancy and quite frankly it really doesn't sound as though it's a particularly good idea.

I would consider the relationship with the ExH a non option anyway, because of the relationship you described with your DD. You can’t have a man around, even their own father, that treats your children differently especially because she knows and feels it. DS had a normal reaction and will eventually move on but I wouldn’t put DD back in that position.

I couldn’t understand which one is the baby’s father either. It’s unclear who the poster misses as she refers to her ex and new man.