To think I’ve got myself into the worst mess ever??? Pregnancy related

I think some posters have missed the OP's latest posts. She said she was going for a pre-assessment for a surgical abortion today (Thursday).
I hope you are 'ok' OP. Sending you a handhold for whatever happens next💐

It sounds to me like you want the baby. If that's the case then make that your starting point. What happens next with the men will largely depend on how they react to that news.

Put your focus on yourself and your children. The men will either raise to the occasion or fail.

Then you will know what to do.

Hi I don't normally comment on posts but in this case I felt the need to come in and say yes it is messy, yes it will be difficult, but you clearly want this baby so all the posters advising you to terminate seem to be barking up the wrong tree here. It seems that it will be emotionally devastating to you to make the decision to end the life of the baby you want and for that reason I think you should do what your heart tells you and proceed with caution and sensitivity towards your 2 teens and your ex and the father of the baby. Messier situations have worked out. I agree counselling will help. Yes it's unlikely that you ex will want to reconcile with a baby that's not his, but we really don't know and what we do know is that you're not sure about either man. What you do know is you love your children, all 3 of them right now and it sounds to me as if you could prioritise them and your own happiness by having them and putting the men on the back burner. Maybe I'm naive but I've seen this work before. Do what you want to do just make sure the children's needs come first here which I don't think you need telling as you sound very sensitive to their needs, hence not introducing them to new man and sensible. Please don't be influenced by others opinions. We are all different so I agree with the person who said you're unlikely to find thr right answer from a forum like this. Wishing you all the best.

www.gov.uk/government/statistics/childrens-social-care-in-england-2024/main-findings-childrens-social-care-in-england-2024

You are seriously misguided. OP’s boyfriend has confirmed he can not move in for 3yrs plus - so yes she will be a single mother!!

107,000 children are in care. 99.9% of them because their parents can not look after them properly.

Why should we sugarcoat this for your benefit? It’s a fact.

How do you know OP would be on her own or a single parent? You just sound very pessimistic.

I'm also not sure where you're getting your statistics from? There is a variety of reasons why children are in the social care system at any one time and not all of these relate to child protection.

If you want the baby don’t go tomorrow, forget about your ex and other man, think of what you really want! It’s your body and your decision x

As a women with adhd and 5 children if u want to message me please message me! Don't let anyone sway your mind on either keeping the baby or not keeping the baby this is your decision and a very hard one but as an adhd person I no rational decisions are very hard so don't hesitate to speak to someone like minded my inbox is allways open x

Please do not go ahead tomorrow with a termination of a WANTED pregnancy, just out of misplaced guilt. That will haunt you forever.
You have said you'd manage financially so have the baby. Babies are wonderful and your twins will have renewed joy in their lives. Could be the making of them!
Perhaps things will work out with the new man, perhaps they won't. Perhaps even ExH will step up and offer to be a husband to you and a father to the new baby regardless of blood and perhaps you will accept or decline. You didn't cheat, you were in a legit fresh relationship. If exH wants you back he'd have to realise you come with lovely bonus baggage now and prove himself to you.
What's for you won't go by you, I wish you the best.

She hasn't wrecked her DS life ...that's a ridiculous stretch. Yes he sounds upset that his parents are separated but it's quite a common occurrence and I doubt it's ruined his entire life. Relationships are complicated and we are entitled to end them if we wish, even if it causes upset to the other person I'm afraid.

The op sounds like she's really struggling... feeling guilty will achieve nothing.

That post just shows zero accountability or consideration for wrecking her sons life or treating her husband the way she did

Such a fantastic post because it explains my situation clearly, I'm struggling with a new relationship at the moment. Mumsnet is saving my day yet again. Thanks 🙏

Dear @MaddieInAmess
Im so so sorry for what you’re going through.
Sending much love and hugs for you as you get through this week.
Please look after yourself and by that I mean - don’t forget to drink liquids,
-eat small meals regularly as low blood sugar can feel like anxiety so nibble away,

-try and do some deep breathing - the 4:4:4:4 one is good breathe in, hold, exhale, hold, breathe in all to the count of 4 - like a box. Do this if ever you feel your heart rate increases. Sit, do this with feet firmly on the floor until it subsides.

just concentrate on getting through the day ahead of you and put a pin in other decisions other than getting through the one you’re making for this week.

lots of love xx

Edited because I didn't read the updates.

Because people seem to not give a shit about reading all OP's posts, you're going to get very mixed and unclear advice by people who can't help themselves butting in as they don't need the full story.

I might report the OP and ask MN to put a note on asking people to RTFT, that might help.

Sorry you're in this position OP.

You can regret something but still know that you made the right decision.
I've lived with that regret, but I know that if I had gone ahead with the pregnancy it would have made life even more difficult for everybody involved.
My son and my mental health had to come before the love I already felt for that baby.

Look after yourself OP, don't let anybody here, or in real life push you into a decision that isn't right for you. Whichever way it goes be gentle on yourself.

OP please don't be too hard on yourself X seek support/ counselling going forward and give yourself head space x sending hugs

Take care of yourself OP

It is only you, yourself that wants another baby.

The new man is out of the picture and he's got enough kids to worry about already.

Your Ex is your ex for very good reasons, don't have him back.

A new baby will mess up the very fragile balance your DS and DD are reaching. This is the most important aspect here.

You would most likely look after the new baby on your own, no practical or financial support , can you afford this?

It would be a very messy, chaotic situation where not 1 single person will be entirely fulfilled long term.

Quite unusual for DC to leave home at 17/18, even if going to Uni, a lot commute and come back these days due to housing costs.

A child with ASD will often need support well into adulthood, if not for life, depending on level of independent living skills.

What an awful post...the op has enough going on without being guilt tripped over her ex husband. Personally I think the op needs to put the mens feelings aside right now and focus solely on herself and her DC.

I can’t help but think that in 4/5 years time when your kids have left home and you’re alone that you will regret this decision.

You will then have the freedom to be with who you want when you want and where you want and could be with a man you’re completely in love with raising your baby together.

ExH will get over it but at the moment he’s being led on a little bit and DS will also get over it. When my son’s dad left he was devastated but we didn’t have a choice and he’s fine now and sees him regularly and it’s his new normal.

Please make sure you’ve thought this through OP because it sounded like you wanted this baby and longed for it.

Your children would get used to a new baby even if it was rough at first but you can only make this decision for yourself. Stop trying to please everyone else and just really think about what YOU want.

If that’s a termination then so be it, but if you have one for the wrong reasons and realise that children are resilient as hell, you’ll never forgive yourself….

I imagine the ex husband will be crushed by this news. I’m sure he has sacrificed a lot with years of parenting, being a good Dad, probably paying for everything and being extremely generous. To cast him aside and fall pregnant by another man is very hurtful. I do feel sorry for him. It’s notable that the marriage seemed to fail around the time he got made redundant from his presumably well paid job and is now on min wage. Just remember your wedding vows, for richer and poorer and the rest of it

Tbe fact that you son is very upset is clearly another huge factor. Reading between the lines with his reaction and the fact you’ve alienated a lot of friends, it’s clear an abortion is clearly the right thing to do.