Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU being against my neighbor having a party on the same day as my DC’s?

162 replies

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 13:39

its my DC’s first birthday and I sent out invitations a month ago. I also invited my neighbor.
i will have a few babies over and about 12 adults.

A couple of days ago my neighbor told me she’s planning on having a party in her garden (that’s over the hedge from mine), with a big bbq and about 20-25 adults. They will be outside from the morning until the night, alcohol obviously involved.

I am concerned about the noise and the smoke overstimulating the children and basically ruining my party.
AIBU for thinking that it’s a very inconsiderate thing to do and asking her to change the date of her party?

OP posts:
AthWat · 07/05/2025 15:21

Have a heart, people! Imagine how sad her one year old will be when she remembers this occasion in 30 years time. Everyone's first birthday is a huge milestone, never to be forgotten.

Nokiding · 07/05/2025 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dita73 · 07/05/2025 14:50

Yes you should ask your neighbour to change the date then come back here and let us know what they said. I could do with a laugh

Hardlyworking · 07/05/2025 14:50

MmeChoufleur · 07/05/2025 14:16

Maybe if you contact your local council they may enact a local lockdown, given that it’s such a special occasion, and make all non-party guests sit inside their homes in total silence.

Or even better decree all neighbours must stand outside banging pots and pans to celebrate the minute of birth.

pestowithwalnuts · 07/05/2025 14:50

Instead of tying to get your neighbour to change the date if her party...why don't you change yours ...
You're being massively unreasonable. You don't own the neighbourhood

Overthebow · 07/05/2025 14:49

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:28

I’m concerned that it’s such a small space and it will be super loud. That it will just not be very enjoyable to be outside.
i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.
I’m probably too hang up on making sure everything is just perfect all the time. For example I got all the decorations 2 months ahead.

thank you everyone for replying, it just made me realise that I need to step back and chill a little, not be such a perfectionist all the time.
things don’t always have to play out exactly as I imagined and it’s ok.

It might it not be ideal for babies if they are having a bbq as the smoke might come into your garden and you wouldn’t want babies out there with that. But there’s nothing you can actually do about it, she’s entitled to have a party that day too and a bbq. Any of your neighbors could do this and not tell you and you wouldn’t know until the day. If you want to avoid those things then you need to have the party where like a village hall.

MyDeftDuck · 07/05/2025 14:48

Pray for rain or for the wind to blow in the opposite direction.

AnotherSadness · 07/05/2025 14:48

Pray for rain…it’s all you can do now.

CalleOcho · 07/05/2025 14:48

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:28

I’m concerned that it’s such a small space and it will be super loud. That it will just not be very enjoyable to be outside.
i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.
I’m probably too hang up on making sure everything is just perfect all the time. For example I got all the decorations 2 months ahead.

thank you everyone for replying, it just made me realise that I need to step back and chill a little, not be such a perfectionist all the time.
things don’t always have to play out exactly as I imagined and it’s ok.

Good for you for being sensible about this.

If the weather is nice and the sun is shining then of course it will be enjoyable, for everyone.

Unless the neighbours are complete crackheads or professional singers who love some karaoke - it probably won’t be super loud. The kids won’t be bothered or harmed by any potential BBQ smoke. I promise.

Fo what it’s worth- plans rarely play out exactly as we imagine it.

Try and live in the moment a bit more. We’d all be better off living for the moment and not stressing and fretting about what may or may not happen in the future. Life’s too short.

I hope everyone enjoys the party!

HerNameIsDebbie · 07/05/2025 14:47

This isn't real....

nomas · 07/05/2025 14:47

What kind of party starts early morning and goes on until night?

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 07/05/2025 14:45

4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/05/2025 14:28

No @LadyBracknellsHandbagg but being a first time parent particularly for the first year can be very stressful. I may be biased as I had crippling PND which impacted my thoughts for a long time but I just feel tearing this woman down for asking a question and being rude and calling her selfish/entitled etc just seems a bit much. You can make your point without being nasty.

For those of us that have been there, we are aware of how hard and challenging it can be, and I’m sorry that you had PND, that must have been terrible. However, I think you might be projecting a bit here, no two situations are the same and the OP hasn’t indicated that she has PND, simply that she wants a perfect scenario for the birthday party. Encouraging young mums to strive for perfection is regressive and unhelpful, child rearing is hard and often thankless and we all do the best we can. Maybe some posters have been a bit harsh whilst trying to use humour, but sometimes we all need our excesses pointing out to us, it helps us to relax and readjust our own, often unreasonable expectations of ourselves. I hope that you are recovered now 💐

Original poster
Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:44

I’m sorry I see how I made it sound. You’re right.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:43

To make it straight, I asked her to tell me what day is her party (she said Saturday or Sunday) so I can change my party.
I didn’t tell her to change her plans.

OP posts:
orangedream · 07/05/2025 14:36

....alcohol obviously involved.

How very shocking.

Digdongdoo · 07/05/2025 14:33

Your baby will be oblivious I promise. No you can't tell your neighbour not to have a bbq.

littlefireseverywhere · 07/05/2025 14:33

Change yours and go to a park or something if it’s a nice day. Or a local paddling pool, farm park or something similar.

nomas · 07/05/2025 14:32

i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.

That’s really not what your OP said.

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/05/2025 14:32

4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/05/2025 14:02

OP you’re having a really hard time here but I get it. We’ve lived in a terrace with tiny gardens and a party next door makes a big impact! It’s fine and obviously they can do what they want but music, chatting etc form a lot of people is noisy and if you’re trying to play games or speak to people it will impact. It’s not you being selfish but if you’re worried ask her which day and maybe move your party if possible.

This is a mother with a less than 1 year old baby be kind everyone jesus

Do you not think that some of us here might have babies the same age?

I have twins who have recently turned 1. I still think OP is way OTT.

Silvers11 · 07/05/2025 14:31

wandawaves · 07/05/2025 14:11

PFB?

@wandawaves
Perfect First Born I think. Someone will correct me if I am wrong!

ScunneredWife · 07/05/2025 14:30

Of course it’s unreasonable. Have your party, let them have theirs, and enjoy. No one is going to be boozing and barbecuing in the ‘early morning’

Original poster
Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:30

Yes, thank you for noticing this.

OP posts:
4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/05/2025 14:28

No @LadyBracknellsHandbagg but being a first time parent particularly for the first year can be very stressful. I may be biased as I had crippling PND which impacted my thoughts for a long time but I just feel tearing this woman down for asking a question and being rude and calling her selfish/entitled etc just seems a bit much. You can make your point without being nasty.

Original poster
Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 14:28

I’m concerned that it’s such a small space and it will be super loud. That it will just not be very enjoyable to be outside.
i’m not telling her to change her life to suit me, I’m asking her to allow me to change my plans.
I’m probably too hang up on making sure everything is just perfect all the time. For example I got all the decorations 2 months ahead.

thank you everyone for replying, it just made me realise that I need to step back and chill a little, not be such a perfectionist all the time.
things don’t always have to play out exactly as I imagined and it’s ok.

OP posts:
Fundays12 · 07/05/2025 14:28

Lol it's her garden and she can use it whenever she wants. I actually cannot believe you think it's an issue that she wants a BBQ on her own property with her own friends and family. If your that bothered about your baby being "over stimulated" by smoke etc I suggest you book a family friendly venue or find a home with no neighbours. Your being ridiculous as your neighbours have a right to crack on and have a party. If you don't like it cancel your plans.