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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU being against my neighbor having a party on the same day as my DC’s?

162 replies

Mocha0202 · 07/05/2025 13:39

its my DC’s first birthday and I sent out invitations a month ago. I also invited my neighbor.
i will have a few babies over and about 12 adults.

A couple of days ago my neighbor told me she’s planning on having a party in her garden (that’s over the hedge from mine), with a big bbq and about 20-25 adults. They will be outside from the morning until the night, alcohol obviously involved.

I am concerned about the noise and the smoke overstimulating the children and basically ruining my party.
AIBU for thinking that it’s a very inconsiderate thing to do and asking her to change the date of her party?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 07/05/2025 16:49

Maybe it’ll rain and neither party will be in the garden.

OP, there are just some things you can’t control.

NotTonightDeidre · 07/05/2025 16:27

When you think mumsnet can't get any stranger....
🤦‍♀️😂

PFB = precious first born

Lurker85 · 07/05/2025 16:22

I hear BBQ smoke is a gateway drug for babies and they’ll be on the crack by bedtime

AthWat · 07/05/2025 16:20

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:48

I seem to remember, god forbid, there might have been some alcohol involved at my one year old’s party too, babies are such squares 😂Obviously no one was wrecked or anything but I think most people that weren’t driving had a glass of bubbly.

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Was the one year old driving, or did they have a glass?

BuildbyNumbere · 07/05/2025 16:20

You can ask but she can also say No.

Moonnstars · 07/05/2025 16:19

Surely this could happen frequently with both yourselves and neighbours hosting in the garden, isn't that just normal life? Surely you don't expect them to tell you every time they are having friends round for the day and into the evening, and likewise you wouldn't expect to tell them each time you were having friends round.
You say the gardens are small, yet you are inviting 12 adults (and I assume you and then your DP so 14 adults in total) so it can't be that small.
I get that you thought this would be a special occasion but people such as neighbours are not going to be that invested in your child and making sure things are perfect in the way you want (and unless they were particularly good friends I don't see why you invited them to the party either?).

Mrsgus · 07/05/2025 16:15

She's probably doing it as she doesn't want the sound of a load of screaming babies interrupting her, so thought can't beat them, join them 🤷‍♀️

Bamboozledbylife · 07/05/2025 16:12

Oh my days. You are absolutely unreasonable and very entitled in thinking this.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/05/2025 16:03

Silvers11 · 07/05/2025 14:31

@wandawaves
Perfect First Born I think. Someone will correct me if I am wrong!

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Precious

RedSkyDelights · 07/05/2025 15:53

This is either a child's birthday party in which case it's a couple of hours during the day before the neighbour's party gets going ... or it's an adult party in which case what next door is doing won't signify (maybe you could all join forces??)

Either way, I'm intrigued that you and your neighbour both have "really tiny" gardens and yet yours fits 12 adults and a few babies, and your neighbours fits 20-25 people.

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:48

IridiumSky · 07/05/2025 15:44

What?

Adults are meeting in a garden and ALCOHOL is OBVIOUSLY involved.

It’s an absolute outrage.

Call the Police.

Edited

I seem to remember, god forbid, there might have been some alcohol involved at my one year old’s party too, babies are such squares 😂Obviously no one was wrecked or anything but I think most people that weren’t driving had a glass of bubbly.

BearClaire · 07/05/2025 15:48

Ugh, that's so annoying! You're totally NBU for being bothered by your neighbour's party plans. First birthdays are a big deal, and a noisy, boozy BBQ next door sounds like a nightmare for little ones. It's pretty inconsiderate, especially since she knows about yours.

While you can't make her do anything in her own garden, it's definitely worth having a friendly chat to see if she'd consider a different day as a favour for your little one's first birthday. Fingers crossed you can sort it out and have a lovely celebration!

IridiumSky · 07/05/2025 15:48

Dita73 · 07/05/2025 14:50

Yes you should ask your neighbour to change the date then come back here and let us know what they said. I could do with a laugh

That’s unlikely to be a long post! 😂

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:48

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:41

I’d love this, means you can go over when the others have gone. Babies are fine with bbqs as long as no one is putting them on one.

I think as long as you go easy on the bbq sauce it’s okay once they are past 9 months? Don’t quote me on that though, it might be outdated advice.

IridiumSky · 07/05/2025 15:44

What?

Adults are meeting in a garden and ALCOHOL is OBVIOUSLY involved.

It’s an absolute outrage.

Call the Police.

Miyagi99 · 07/05/2025 15:41

I’d love this, means you can go over when the others have gone. Babies are fine with bbqs as long as no one is putting them on one.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:40

If true then it’s another reason to add to my I’m glad that I live in the middle of nowhere list.

Tulipsontoast · 07/05/2025 15:38

Can you hold yours inside?

Sirmagoo · 07/05/2025 15:37

Your guests won't overstay their welcome, so that's good. Maybe you will create some friendships or love connections over the hedge. If I were a guest at a baby's party, I'd want to crash the adult one.

ExpressCheckout · 07/05/2025 15:29

Are you in the US, @Mocha0202 , given your spelling of 'neighbor'?

Bobbyewingshowerscene · 07/05/2025 15:29

Wind up

overstimulated lol- by what Osmosis through the fence???

don’t be a bellend

TorturedParentsDepartment · 07/05/2025 15:27

namechangeGOT · 07/05/2025 14:24

but, what are you trying to protect your child from exactly?

Steak.
The gateway to hard substances like bacon.

EilishMcCandlish · 07/05/2025 15:24

Main character syndrome is strong with this one

SelinaPlace · 07/05/2025 15:23

namechangeGOT · 07/05/2025 14:24

but, what are you trying to protect your child from exactly?

Maybe the Op failed to mention that the neighbours are nudist swingers with a hot tub…?

AthWat · 07/05/2025 15:21

nomas · 07/05/2025 14:47

What kind of party starts early morning and goes on until night?

A good one.