Husband's evening hobby making things hard

So what? Just say no.

At the minute you're just letting him walk all over you and then moaning about it.

Yes he is selfish and a shit partner. But you are really not helping yourself.

You mentioned it wasn't your idea to get dogs but somehow you are doing all the dog care. So rehome them! He doesn't get to decide that they are your problem.

Honestly he sounds like a very selfish and manipulative man who's whining about his mental health as an excuse to dump on you.

You really are better off without that shit in your life.

My first thoughts too

A man who puts himself before his wife and child. You need to sit him down and have a grown up discussion about what it takes to be a parent and to accept as fair share of the work. Personally, I can't see that happening and you will run yourself ragged trying to cover his absences. Sounds a lot like my ex.

Hes an absolute pisstaker. Id vet my last fiver on his therapist not saying that.

Oh hes not getting enough down time? Well it sounds like you aren't getting any at all. Wtf do you see in a bloke like this?

Please don’t throw away your career aspirations because of him. It sounds like you have a huge opportunity right there. Think of all you can do for your daughter with that kind of salary and think how highly she’d think of you for training whilst she was little.

Your OH is acting like a single man when he has a wife and young child. I really think you need to take some power back and say it’s a joke that he’s asking for more time for himself when he’s offering nothing in return for the family unit. I’d tell him that he’s going to need to think about how it’s going to work when you’re training because it’ll be a priority for a limited time and is more important than hobbies.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but do you think he’d prefer you to not train? You’ll be busier and less able to cater to his every need if you have an intense training period/career. I fear he has you right where he wants you.

He's not husband material. He tried and it's not working. Unless you learn to like parenting and running the house by yourself, you should think about making changes that benefit you and your child. Your husband does a good job of taking care of HIS needs.

He's not on your team op. I wish you the absolute best , but as long as you're living with him you won't achieve your dreams.

The reality is your DD won’t be the same in September as she is now. There will be different issues. I think the best way to deal with this is to discuss it nearer the time when you now what she’ll be like. They change so much.

It also seems as a family you are struggling and I’m not sure it should be as hard work as you are both making it. Maybe you should consider if you are the right people for each other?

Op, I managed to qualify as a solicitor as a lone parent with support from my mother who was invaluable. My husband did not support me which is one of the reasons he became an ex. You will find it a lot easier on your own without trying to carry his weight as well.

My advice - just get on and do your training, get yourself a well paid job. Somewhere along the line you'll tell him to fuck off because he's holding you back.

It's a fairly common method of controlling you, deliberate or not.

It's slightly confusing, is it muy thai and some kind of bike related thing?

Easily?

Run around the park, chase them, have them chase you, go to a trampoline park, go down the super high slides together, it's not quite the same as jumping out of a plane but you can still get your blood pumping and have a blast chasing around after your kid!

How old is your daughter, and what time is her bedtime? How long does it take for her to go to sleep for the night, from the start of your bedtime routine?

You’re certainly not showing your dd what good healthy relationships look like. As she gets older, she too will see you as a doormat. She will also see this as normal

Dodge ball? Base jumping? Synchronised swimming?

@RampantIvyWhat is it with these mumsnetters complaining the op hasn’t posted what the damn hobby (or in this case HOBBIES+) but actually she HAS?! Read her posts, it’s all there.

She HAS said. Read her posts.

How the fuck does anyone get adrenaline from childcare?

So he needs both counselling and hobby for his mental health, whilst his relationship and family take third and fourth place

What is it with these men who will not let anything get in the way of their hobbies?

Did he even want a child? Everything you write about this manchild indicates that he wasn’t keen.

What is it with mumsnetters that partners always have a mysterious hobby? Just say what it is.

I’ve only read OPs posts as thread is long, but have I got it right that he won’t support your actual grown up career and family future so he can play at fighting/play soldiers/play with fantasy models? WTAF.

He does a contact martial art and has anger issues?
Bought two status dogs against your wishes.
Is utterly selfish about his own exercise/hobby needs versus your time to yourself.
He won’t pull his weight around the house. He’s got food issues. Won’t cook but tried to control what you feed your daughter.
Can’t parent alone.

Unless he has the famed MN golden cock, you need to run, not walk, out of this relationship OP.
Everyone’s in therapy. Nobody’s happy.
Your mum is supportive, you have a career development plan. Imagine yourself a better future here please.

Couples therapy ?? - perhaps much more productive than individual in your situation. You need to address matters as a team.

You're not being unreasonable. It sounds like there would be less pressure on you as a single parent because you'd be able to batch cook, and would have childfree time when he has your DD. I sympathise with the difficult child bit - one of mine was v difficult and the other super-easy. Maybe use your marriage counselling to decide if you want to be together still, and if so agree reasonable expectations. If he needs an adrenaline rush he could always do gym/ cycling etc after bedtime - really he's looking for reasons not to be around. Good luck x

Very convenient hobby that means he can opt out of family life, then claim he can’t cope alone with his own child. It sounds like really he wants the single lifestyle.
he sounds manipulative and self indulgent, and happy for you to exhaust yourself

Why are you trying to work on this OP? He consistently shows he is selfish and does not care about the impact of his decisions on you. For the person suggesting this is ADHD - is it bollocks - ADHD does not make you a selfish arse. OP, you went back because HE was falling apart. At this point, that is his problem.

You've tried negotiating changes and that's not worked

You've tried leaving him and you went back as he was falling apart.

You wanted one dog but got 2 and he doesn't walk them

You're training for professional exams and he's not supportive.

Time for a radical re-think - and you will need to be sure and firm on this. He's being very selfish and you need to be looking out for yourself and your DD but he isn't.

First of - re-home the dogs. Staffies need a lot of exercise, at least an hour a day. If he can't pull his weight with your DD and the house then dogs are a luxury you can't afford.

Second - at the couples therapy - make it absolutely clear - he gets 2 evenings a week out of the home. Whether it's martial arts, TA, dinner with Dad, that up to him, but 2 max. And only 1 day at the weekend. As lets be honest if he does re-join the TA, that's one evening a week and probably every other weekend. And there is no way I would agree to 5 night training for Maui Thai in lead up to a fight.

Third - book yourself in for an appointment with one of your partners to get a feel of how things would be if you separated. Because being absolutely frank with you - he's left the relationship if he's talking about joining the TA and training 5 nights a week. No sincere father would even countenance this.